A Pandemic Story

In November Ella decided to dress-down for her visit to the food bank. Last time, when she pulled up in her electric blue Volvo XC90 on a good hair day, in full make-up, she got more than a few side-eyes. Her hope was that they all thought she was picking up food as charity for an elderly neighbor. But that wasn’t the case. She halfway hoped that she wouldn’t qualify when they had her fill out the form that first visit. She even called her husband to confirm the numbers, so that a portion of the all-consuming shame she felt could be lifted from her shoulders. She was shocked at the tears that ran down her cheeks when she realized that not only did they qualify to receive food, they qualified at one of the lowest levels, which meant that her family was getting more food than the family next to her with the broken down 1999 Toyota Corolla. The relief of qualifying so that she could bring home food for her family, was quickly overshadowed with even more shame and disappointment. Thankfully, the volunteers at the food bank didn’t bat an eye; didn’t miss a step; didn’t give one single indication that she shouldn’t be there. They were gracious, kind and generous; even offering jokes and getting her to laugh a little. When the back of the Volvo was full to the brim with boxes of donated fruits, vegetables, meats, breads and goodies, the volunteers reminded her that she could come back no sooner than 30 days. They marked the date on her receipt. Then she backed out of the parking lot and started on her way home; a home she hoped she could keep.

That first visit happened on a rainy October day and she decided to pull into the alley and unload the food boxes from there, rather than from the front, like usual. Of course, the neighbors in their fancy white-collar neighborhood, wouldn’t have known what food pantry boxes looked like, so the only shame she was feeling was her own. Her husband came out, and helped her unload all the food onto their beautiful, new, shiny quartz kitchen island, in their newly renovated 3,000square foot historical home. (Thankfully, the bank said they could miss their next 3 payments without any chinks to their credit or additional fees as long as they began payments again the 4th month. This was month 1, so they at least had 2 more months to get their shit together.) The motley crew of food items filling the kitchen was overwhelming. So much…junk. All of those food drives when she had donated her least favorite foods came clearly into her mind. Karma is a real bitch. But clearly there were better people than her, and some of the food was amazing. Rack of lamb and pork tenderloin, butternut squash soup and a birthday cake stood out as some of the winners.

That day she rearranged her pantry and refrigerator to fit all of the various items, searched up recipes for the rarer ingredients and went to work planning out meals that her children would actually eat.

Ella was the director of her department at work. She was also a mom of two Elementary-aged children going to school virtually because of the pandemic. That meant that she was also acting as teaching assistant and IT expert. Thankfully, she was able to work virtually in the mornings, while she oversaw 3rd and 4th grade for her children and then went into work in the afternoons to make sure everything was working smoothly onsite. Then, she would come home and cook dinner for the family from what was available. She had also been furloughed, which, for her and her colleagues meant that they had Mondays off, Yay! But were also not being paid for Mondays. Since her regular pay check was already tiny, working at a non-profit, the furlough made it miniscule, especially as she was now required to cover their whole family with her insurance. Her husband, who had begun the year making more than ever, had a falling out at work and now they were facing bankruptcy. Not really, they knew they’d get out of this, but it would be hard. They had saved up enough to cover them for the first month and a half after he lost his income. But, then it just stopped. Unemployment wasn’t coming in because her husband’s ex-partner was contesting it. So, the responsibility of their family’s welfare and their mortgage all fell onto Ella’s furloughed, non-profit paycheck. Her husband was an architect, so he found work quickly and was working hard on multiple projects, having set up his own LLC. But contract pay comes slowly and so far nothing was showing up. Credit cards were quickly maxing out and food needed to be had. So, Ella researched food banks.

There were multiple food banks, but she needed to find ones that were available for Monday pickups, since she didn’t work those days, and also whose distribution calendars worked out so that she could pick up a load of “groceries” at least every 2 weeks without breaking the rules of a 1/month distribution. She found two that worked perfectly and she went to each and brought home food. Things like milk and butter were things she could “splurge” on as they didn’t detract very much from the funds needed to pay for electricity and water.

While this wasn’t the ideal situation, Ella was trying to enjoy her new found cooking skills. She was learning all about foods she would have never bought for herself. Prior to this dry time Ella and her husband were members of a few wine clubs, which had been part of the first wave of expenses to be cut, early on, so they had plenty of wine in their cellar to keep dinners feeling extra special and cut some of the tension in the air. The kids were completely unaware of the straits that their parents were going through. Everyone’s parents were at home, so there was no reason to think there was anything “off” about this Fall.

In November, Ella decided to dress-down for her visit to the food bank. She couldn’t dress down her car, but at least she looked less put-together than last time, which made her feel weirdly, better. They filled up the car again with a random assortment of food that she would be incorporating into her newly organized pantry. She also got a special ticket to come back the day before Thanksgiving for a turkey and fixings. She was thrilled that she would get to make a turkey this year, and keep life as normal as possible for her children. When she showed up and lined up her car in the turkey give-away line at the county fairgrounds, she felt horrible. Again, she felt that she stood out in her beautiful car. But she needed her car. It was paid for. She wasn’t getting donated food so that she could pay a car payment. She was getting donated food because she didn’t have any money to spend on food. The internal dialogue that she had on repeat while she waited in line was brutal. “Why didn’t you just sell your car?” “I need my car, and I’ll need it when these lean times are over.” “Why don’t you just sell property? You own a lake house for goodness sake!” “I’m trying! It’s on the market. Escrow is 30 days. The money’s coming but I need food now...” and so on. The guilt and shame was deafening and she was imagining others' looks to be full of the disappointment she felt in herself.

Checks were still not coming in from her husband’s work and as Christmas drew closer, and the lists for Santa grew longer, Ella began to really worry. She was grateful for the tight times in her twenties when she learned to live creatively on a very tight budget. This meant that thrifting wasn’t such a shock and she might even find it fun to sort through the thrift shops for creative Christmas presents that might look like Santa made them. At least her husband wouldn’t expect any presents. The Elf on the Shelf helped the kids feel less expectant as they would “report” daily that the pandemic was turning out to be really hard on Santa and his workshop and gifts would be less fancy this year.

The holiday season brings out the best of everyone. When word got out that Ella and her family were struggling, they were gifted with grocery cards, gift cards, fruit cakes and checks from family earmarked “only for presents.” Christmas Eve and an amazing dinner of rack of lamb came and went, and Christmas morning was beautiful. It wasn’t extravagant, but they enjoyed each other and the gifts that came from family and friends.

Finally, it was January. They had used up their 3 months of grace from the bank and as small checks started to trickle in, they no longer qualified for food banks. So, Ella stretched out their food stores as long as they could. The check they had been waiting for; the big one from the big project her husband was working on showed up the same day the last of the meat was prepared, January 25th. Ella and her husband triumphantly paid their February mortgage bill, having avoided the fees! S he was keeping her home! The wave of relief that swept over her could have filled the coliseum in Rome.

Within the next 30 days, the property they had been trying to sell throughout the lean months sold and they were flooded with money. Ella eagerly wrote a check for each of the food banks that had provided them with food through the Fall and Winter of 2020 and 2021 with what they would have paid in groceries and more to help those who couldn’t pull themselves out like she did. That chapter was complete. Ella was now able to start a new chapter with deeper awareness and appreciation for the good that can be found in this world even in the darkest of times.

P.S. Please support your local food banks. Donate food that you would eat. You never know the struggles that others are going through, so always be kind.