With tiny hands...

I don't know how to say this, so I will say it bluntly: my identical twin sister was horrifically murdered July 24, 2018.

I still can't fully wrap my head around it, nor how someone could be so deranged as to lay their two hands so horrifically on MY twin.... my sweet, precious, fun-loving, pure spirited, good hearted, always smiling, just wanting to offer a helping hand to anyone in need.... twin.

You would think this would make me angry, infuriated... wanting to wish ill on him and his entire family, but the reality is that it really just breaks my heart to pieces, shattered.... the pains and aches, the missing pieces I feel because she took them all with her when she left that day. I can only sit and reflect on one simple question: what went wrong? Because in asking this, I believe that this can prevent others from upbringings that breed anger and evil in them. I know that her murderer had an awful upbringing of abuse, but truth be told is that it wasn't any different than our own and therefor is never an excuse.

As parents, do we really want to risk having to face our own children, tied up in chains, sitting in a courtroom chair, and hearing the words "death sentence"? That's what he faced, but we collectively agreed that the love and pure spirit of my twin would seek to spare his life... and so he was given a "life sentence".... at 19 years of age. How would you react if that was your child? I can only pray no one would ever have to be in that situation.... not mine, not even his. Because the truth is, we all lost in court that day.

I think that raising a child goes beyond just expecting the parents to step up to the plate; I truly believe it takes a village. We can all take the stand to be there for children, even if not our own, and to teach them the proper way to handle conflict. Our world is getting too far off course, that I fear we may never recover from our daily loses, but I will hold hope in tiny hands.

When I saw this challenge, I instantly thought of my twin sister. Her dream and passion in life was to be a children's book author. I never fully understood where this passion came from, it seemed as though it was just on a whim one day, but her passion for children only grew each day with her. I witnessed so many times, her ability to look into little peering eyes looking back at her, and without a word, she was able to make a connection with the tiny little souls of our future. She saw so much potential and hope in those tiny little hands that would reach for her as she would giggle gently back and hold their little hands in her palm with a soft smile on her face. It was the purest form of trust and love that I ever got to witness, and it was beyond beautiful that no words could possibly describe that kind of love for a child that is not even your own. That was my twin's love for ALL children.

So, for this challenge, I wrote a little snippet in honor of my twin and her life, in hopes that as a society we can teach our children just how precious those tiny hands are and how much they can change the world, and also teach them briefly how using our hands against one another can snatch another's world away.... just like how my whole world was snatched away from me, in just seconds, on that one horrific day.

I may never get her back physically, but if I can prevent one child from putting their hands on another like he did to her that day, then I believe that she didn't die in vain, and that her life can still continue to serve her purpose. I think it's important as a society that we talk openly to our children about emotions and feelings, whether they be pleasant or unpleasant. It's a big scary world out there, even for us adults, so I can only imagine the strength and resilience that our children have to demonstrate each and every day. I think children's books have the capacity to encourage and guide children in the mindset that they can be the change.

So when I ask "what went wrong?", I think we fail in teaching our children all that they can do right, with tiny little hands.

With Tiny Little Hands:

My fingers have a secret map,

That leave trails in wherever I go,

And anything I touch or hold,

My secrets are sure to show,

One day when I’m older,

My hands will grow big and strong,

And I will have to make important choices,

For choosing my rights from my wrongs,

So daddy, sister, auntie, uncle,

Grandma, grandpa, and brother,

Best friend, cousin, neighbor,

Teacher, and of course, dear mother,

Teach me while I’m young,

In how I can stay out of trouble,

Calm me when I’m really mad,

Or when you see me start to struggle,

Do not raise your voice at me,

Please recognize I’m still so little,

I may not be perfect all the time,

So meet me in my middle,

But for now, show me how my tiny hands,

Can craft beautiful things,

Like threading beads across,

A shiny, silver, chain-link string,

Or using scissors I can make,

Loving 'Get well soon' cards,

Or how I can pull the weeds,

From outside our very own back yard,

Or planting seeds inside the soil,

Like the ones in me you sow,

And with my tiny hands I can,

Sprinkle water and watch as it will all grow.

Or baking cookie and cakes,

Mixing up all things yummy,

Or serving those with no food,

So that they, too, can fill their tummy,

Or coloring my way through,

With crayons, markers, and paint on paper,

As memories for us to keep,

Something to hold onto until later,

As reminders of the time you spent,

In helping me succeed,

Because your time and love,

Is all these two little hands will ever need.

And with these two little hands,

I will always reach for you,

So that when I’m big and grown,

I can show you all that you taught me to do.

For in these tiny two hands,

The world I will get to hold,

And every day I will anxiously watch,

As my secrets continue to unfold.

With tiny hands I can give the world,

And be part of the change,

Because with big hands I can take the world,

And be bound forever in dull chains.

For one day I will be big,

And grown, just like how I see you,

So hold my hand and guide me,

To all the good things that I can pursue....

With two tiny hands,

Navigating my future.