To the Strongest Woman I know

I cannot believe that you have left us and moved on. The world feels slightly empty now that you are gone. I am so thankful for the chance to have called you a friend and for you to be such an inspiration in my life. I would not have done half the things I did without you.

Life is not fair, and I know that now more than ever because if it was fair you would still be here. You would not have gotten cancer for the third time, it would not have been bone cancer, and then you would not have gotten a brain tumor at the same time. None of that should have happened to you. You fought your battle with cancer twice before and won, that should have been enough.

24 years of your life you had cancer, that’s almost half of your life battling to be able to keep on living.

Once you found out it was bone cancer, we all knew that this time, it was not a winning battle. There was no winning this time only surviving and extending the life you had for as long as you could. But I don’t think anyone knew it would only take a year for you to lose this fight.

To say you inspired me was an understatement. I never knew a woman who had so much fight in her, who had so much joy and love for everyone and constantly wanting to make sure everyone was taken care of. You did not deserve to have cancer 4 times, no one does. But you were just beginning to celebrate life after the fighting you had done with breast cancer. So, this was not fair, you had so much more to live for.

In a way, I am happy I did not see you near the end this time. I enjoy holding onto all the good memories I have of you and not the new ones of you being sick. The smiling you, the happy you are the memories I want to keep, not the ones of you looking sick or skinny.

It was selfish of me to do but you understood and wanted it that way as well. You were so strong that you did not want anyone to feel as though they had to be there by her side, that you needed help as much as you did.

I know everyone who has lost someone due to cancer has these thoughts and it is not easy to deal with regardless of how many times they have had cancer but as selfish as it is, why did you have to be the one to leave us? We needed you here, my mom needed you here. We were not able to say the goodbyes like we should. Your body shut down long before your mind went, so no one could really say what they needed to.

I wish I could of told you how proud I am of the fight you gave for all of these years, for how much you wanted to win, for how much you didn’t tell us because you did not want the outpours of pity that would come your way because you were stronger than that.

Your memory will live on because you are the strongest woman I knew who could of battled through both bone and brain cancer for an entire year, make the best of it and still try to live your life how you wanted. I thank you for your inspiration and how you helped me in my life. It is crazy to think that I have known you all my life, and it is crazy to think that pretty much for all my life you have been in the constant role model and a source of strength for me.

Thank you for being in my life.