The Number One Suspect

The fury that has built inside me while waiting on a toxicology report to finalize is a raging blue fire. Minds wander and accusations are made. The imagination the human population has the ability to conjure up is outstanding. One becomes the gossip of the town when there is an unknown, especially when the unknown is a cause of death. It is difficult to remain patient when a twist in the plot develops through gossip.

As the wife, widow I suppose, I have been diligent with information and cooperative with law enforcement. At this time, I cannot express details of an ongoing investigation, however, I can tell you the rumor mill is churning. I've always been one to care about what others think of me. Gradually, I have improved on this weakness, but I believe it to be one that will always remain under the surface.

The Telephone Game

I'm not sure what games children play these days, but I have always remembered the telephone game. You start with telling something in someone's ear and pass it through the next person's until you reach the end and the outcome is almost always completely different than how it began. Though this was a childhood game, it is exactly what people do day to day when gossiping.

How it Started

My husband's best childhood friend created a GoFundMe fundraiser for our family to cover funeral expenses and keep us on our feet during this drastic change in our lives. However, this selfless act from one became a supposed selfish act of another. Yes, me. I'm the another.

Hearsay: Must be nice to make money off of your husband's death. Where is the money even going?

It absolutely blew my mind to learn that not just one, but multiple people have thought this. Without the GoFundMe account, I wouldn't have a roof over my head right now. My income went from a dual-income household to a single-income household. I have three children to house, feed, and care for. I didn't create the fundraiser myself, nor did I ask for one, but I am tremendously grateful for the kindness gifted to our family to help us during a time of desperation.

The Rumor Develops Further

It wasn't just the GoFundMe though. I reverted my Instagram and Facebook back to the 'professional' account type. This apparently increased the initial falsehood of trying to benefit from my husband passing. It is certainly apparent that whoever is coming up with these ideas do not know me personally.

Hearsay: Must be nice to make money off of your husband's death. Where is the money even going? Look, she even changed her social media accounts.

I have changed them, because I am done hiding. Both of my accounts have been professional previously for writing. I teetered back and forth due to my inability to stop myself from caring what others thought of me. It is time for me to speak up and share all that I have to give. I have so much to tell from different segments of my life and in time, I plan to publish. This is not for my benefit, but others who may feel alone in their situation (emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial struggles, self-confidence, anxiety, depression, grief, awareness, and more).

Anyway, now that I have had a little rhetoric, let's get back to the development of this rumor.

A Twist in the Plot

After a month and a half passed, I got wind of the continued whispers in the air. When minds are rolling, it is like a snowball, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. A fantasy of sorts to keep the heart pumping for excitement and curiosity. Everyone likes a good story.

Heresay: Must be nice to make money off of your husband's death. Where is the money even going? Look, she even changed her social media accounts. I bet she is the one who killed him. That's probably why they aren't telling anyone what happened. She could be a murderer.

YES. MURDERER. That was the word used. What in the actual F***!?

Definition of 'rumor': talk or opinion widely disseminated with no discernible source

The accusations made are exactly that, accusations made by small-minded people, bored, and looking for something to pass the time.

Let me be very clear: I did NOT murder my husband, his death was accidental and there was no foul play. He was the love of my life and will remain so, forever and always.