The dreaded toxic masculinity

-The dreaded toxic masculinity-

What is toxic masculinity, you ask? When a man hears this term, he normally instantly gets his back up and gets defensive. “Masculinity isn’t toxic” or “It’s not toxic to be a man” is normally bellowed before even hearing what is to come. If men listened to what was being said they most likely would understand that the term isn’t to insult them. That is of course, if they’re not acting a fool or using their manliness as a cover to display toxic traits and behaviors.

Let’s have a look at what toxic masculinity actually means.

I would start by saying it is a cultural issue and not just men perpetrate the toxic ideas about what masculinity should look like. It is deep rooted in sexist and misogynistic views. Cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way, referring to the notion that some people ideas of “manliness” perpetuates dominance, homophobia, and aggression.

Personally, I think society saying that “women are emotional” and only allowing men to display anger or aggression while denying that anger is an emotion is one of the biggest scams of all time. It is damaging to both genders. Expecting an entire gender to not show an ounce of emotion, while completely mocking the other gender for being over emotional and hormonal while also ignoring the fact testosterone is also a hormone, is extremely damaging. How does this tie in with toxic masculinity...?

Men that try to hold the status quo by bringing down other men who show emotion or do something they deem as feminine, by mocking, ridiculing, laughing, and throwing misogynistic comments. Often the comments that are being thrown are degrading to women. “You’re being a girl” or “You’re a pussy”

Why is it in an insult in 2022 to be called a girl? Why are insults still being thrown about women’s anatomy in a derogatory way?

Men have been accused of being feminine just because they change their baby’s nappy, cook their family a meal, or do even the most basic of housework... These same men will scream about their rights in family court and how the courts are bias and how child support is unfair. It is not just hurtful to women and families but the men who want a relationship with their kids- but how is a man meant to have his child over night and for long duration of time if he can’t do basic chores, or looking after the children before a separation?

We laugh and joke about men being child like and being unable to use the washing machine but then they believe that they should be leaders and make the big decisions. Some men are wonderful leaders, I’m not saying they’re not, but so are women, and we can manage a washing machine too!

Now don’t get me wrong not every man is like this but every man, YES, every man does benefit from the system that is in place. He gets to choose how much he wants to contribute and how advanced or modern he wants to be when contributing to the house and kids. Women are meant to be placid and thankful for help, even if she also works full-time hours. Society will tell her that she’s lucky and should be grateful if he does the bare minimum and I’m not over exaggerating about the bare minimum. If a man does the dishes or holds his baby in the supermarket other women look on in absolute awe. Don’t get me wrong I know that women can be absolutely complicit in upholding old school toxic views, but it’s the added mocking from other men that really irks my Gerkin.

Could you imagine if mothers just decided that they didn’t need to know basic details about their kids, like their birthdays, middle name, or what they eat for dinner- and used working as an excuse? It wouldn’t fly I can assure you.

Regardless back on subject. Ideas about what a man should be haven’t changed that much historically. Women have had to fight, and fight we did to become “modern” women. We had to fight for the right to work, have our own finances, own property and much more. I think society forgets that women had to fight for custody rights of our own children.

At the same time men have not fought for the rights do more housework, have extra sic days to look after the kids, or do more child rearing.

It’s still often expected for women to do these things when they com home from work.

Disclaimer: There are absolutely fabulous men/ father’s, male partners etc in this world and many fantastic, even our fantastic men can show toxic traits on occasions- but it doesn’t mean we can’t discuss social issues that impact us all especially under the umbrella of misogyny. I am not a man hater and do in fact love some men. 😊