Reflection

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say, my mother would whisper under her breath, as she huffed around the house.

We all know the saying well, and the intention behind it. We knew when we heard her muttering wierd space saying's that it was time to run. She was annoyed at something at it was most likely us not doing enough housework or not spending enought time outside.

Reardless of what one it was, we knew it was better to be outside, hopefully out of sight out of mind. We weren't always so lucky tho. Sometimes we would heard the screatching sound of her voice that we all dreaded, screaming out one of our names, or worse "KIDS GET INSIDE, NOW!" meaning all of us were about to cop it. It not physically, verbal abuse was going to be raging out of her mouth very soon.

Normally it would take a few days. We could see her getting mad about something, we never were quite sure what we had done though. we'd walk around the house appearing to walk on egg shells. Trying not to crack them and see the disrepair. Then once the silent days were done, she would hit her moment of furry. Pick is random fight or say something hurtful to one or all of us. Normally she would pick a victim out of all of us, each one hoping it wasn't us this time, even though we knew eventually we'd all get it anyway..

I think the above statement is where flying monkey's, and golden children are born. I don't think it's an intentional situation but it's how it starts. imagine the new found power you have... Your children battling over not being on mums shit list, the places this can take children is a journey, let me tell you.

Now I'm not recommending it, clearly.. Traumatizing children may be the way to get them to do exactly what you want in that moment, but it doesn't raise productive members of society. We quickly learned how to lie, blame and throw each other under the bus. What use is an adult who can not voice what they want for dinner, possess the ability to speak to their own manager at work, or say "no" to other people.

As an adult diagnosed with PTSD, in my 30's, I and studied Child Development, Child Youth and Family Intervention, as well as having done multiple parenting courses teaching child brain development and the part that parenting plays in that..... I have to say that everything makes sense...

I understood why I couldn't function, or stand up for myself or have a real say. I was always in a comstant battle of fight, flight, freeze... It's a proven fact that if your brain is under constant strain from prolonged abuse (NOT just physcial) that it will affect the way the pathways in your brain connect. It changes the way your brain develops.

In conclusion, I believe it's a myth that suffering makes you stronger or helps your personality to grow. I was always a strong, empathetic person, it's definately not due to abuse that I am now "strong". I needed years of therapy to become strong person again and honestly without the abuse, neglect and trauma, it would of been easier to do more good for this world without doubting myself at every stage.

I can still hear her word linger somtimes, even when someone is to loud with a dish in the sink, I instantly turn into that small child again... I think I'm in trouble and I either want to go back outside, disappear or start madly cleaning....

So thanks mum, I wonder if you still think about wether you can hear a scream in a vaccum in space, because I personally don't care.