The Dragon That Raised A Phoenix

Hey Mom.

It's International Women's Day on March 8. Isn't that funny? The country we live in celebrates International Women's Day, and yet they are taking away women's rights systematically. Anyway, I'm writing this letter not just to you, but to anyone who reads it, because Vocal challenged me to write about a woman who inspired me.

And of course, every time I take a challenge or assignment talking about someone who inspired me, you are always the main topic. You know the challenge's name is "The Dragon Beside Me" because the dragon supposedly represents strength, determination, love, and pixie dust. I can't help but think that is eerily appropriate for writing about you.

If I had to compare you to a mythical beast, I would choose the dragon. As a child, looking up to you, being oblivious to all the things you were enduring at the time to protect and provide for your kids, you were a massive, strong, invincible superhero. You were the bravest person in the whole world. To this day, even as an adult, I am convinced you know absolutely everything about everything.

I didn't learn until I was much older about how you were physically abused as a child, or assaulted on your way to come see me for my birthday. I wouldn't know about how you were trying to break your own trauma chains and bonds until well after I had freed myself of mine as an adult. The 90's weren't kind to single mothers. Not like it is today.

You were sexually assaulted and harassed. You were bullied and threatened. You worked three jobs to make ends meet, all the while making sure you took the time out for our important milestones and events. You worked so hard to protect us, to show us the love that you didn't get as a kid.

When you got sick, when things started to change, I was angry at the world. It wasn't fair. Things had just gotten good, you were finally happy. Now I am seeing you wither away and I am angry for you. The pain you are in all the time. You love the kids and me, but you don't want us to see your pain.

Somedays you're sad, and you say things about not being a good enough mom, or you worry about the past. You worry that you let me down, you worry I don't know how much you love me.

Funny enough I worry about the same things. All I have ever wanted was to be as strong as you, and to make you proud. I wanted to be much more than what I am for you... and I agonize over not being able to provide peace of mind to you by being any of the hundred things I could have been.

But there is one thing the world needs to know about you. You are a dragon, even still to this day. You fight agonizing pain over your body every second of every day and you still do your best to smile and laugh for Dad and me. You still play with the kids and try to take them to the park or play outside with them.

You suffer and cry in obliterating pain for three or four days after but you still do it.

And when I was a kid, you were the most amazing mom. My best friend, my mom, my protector. You fought the world to provide for us. You refused to rely on welfare and you became one of the first female truck drivers to provide for us. You kept us as safe as you could from the people in our lives who wanted to hurt us.

And you raised me so that I could rise a phoenix. You were the dragon that raised a phoenix who broke the chains. I am happy, and my life is good. And best of all, I am a mom. I hope that I am a good mom since I had the most amazing woman raise me to be strong, smart, and resourceful. You showed me that love is our most valuable currency. You taught me to rise above people who want to pluck my plumage. You ferociously fought against anything that would lead me astray.

I am a grown woman now. And as much as I admired and respected you as a child when I thought you were a superhero as a child, it's at least tripled now as an adult with babies of my own.

There are so many things you learn about your parents when you become one. Everything I know about being a mother, I learned from you. Thanks to you, I grew up into a woman who will be able to protect her babies from everything you went through, and everything you couldn't protect me from too.

It's because of you that your grandbabies have a good life. It's because of you that I am thriving, not just surviving. And I hope that when it comes to being a mom, I do at least half as good of a job as you do.

International Women's Day doesn't hold a candle to Mother's Day.

Thank you for being a supermom, and being the most amazing woman I will ever know.

Love your oldest spawnling.