The Best Family is the One You Choose

In the politically-charged times we live in, family can be difficult to handle. If politics hasn’t completely ruined some of your family relationships, consider yourself lucky.

And if politics aren’t enough to divide and ruin families, let’s throw religion into the equation. Why some family members can’t seem to accept differing religious beliefs or even a lack of belief in organized religion is beyond me.

I’ve heard members of my own family talk shit about extended family members who don’t believe in Christianity. It seems quite hypocritical and un-Christian-like to speak with contempt and disgust for people that you are related to. That’s not very loving or accepting.

Oh, and how about those family members who are unkind or unaccepting of blood relatives who are part of the LGBTQ community? This one also hits close to home for me, being I have a wonderful, loving, kindhearted, gay daughter. Things have been said behind our backs by relatives and it disgusts me.

When your blood relatives can’t control the ignorant things that come out of their racist or bigoted mouths, what choice does that leave you, as their relative? You can either ignore their ignorance, call them out on it, or cut them out of your life.

I’m not here to tell you which of those three methods is the right one for every situation. I’m not you and not involved in the situation. But I respect your choice to do what’s best for you and your loved ones. Especially if your family refuses to accept healthy, respectful boundaries.

If it does come down to eliminating toxic family members entirely from your life, I understand. I’ve had to do the same thing. But here’s the upside to that happening:

You get to choose your own family. BETTER family.

That’s huge. You alone get to decide who your loved ones are. Your best friends. You are allowed to choose the people who will love you, accept you, make you laugh, and won’t give you any bullshit for stupid reasons.

It’s far less stressful to find and build your family, your support system, your tribe.

You don’t get a choice of who your parents are. Any two knuckleheads can get drunk at the bowling alley and decide to bone. Then 9 months later, there you are. Bawling as you come into this tough, cruel world.

I get it, Kid. It’s not looking good, already.

Look at those two. Those are the ones who are going to raise you. Goddamn, I hope they grow up and treat you right. It’s a crapshoot, at best.

Sadly, it doesn’t always work out well. While we can get lucky and be raised by two wonderful, well-adjusted adults, the odds aren’t always in our favor. One or both parents can be complete jackasses.

They can be religious zealots who misinterpret and weaponize the Bible to justify their racism or bigotry. They may be alcoholics or drug addicts. Perhaps they had a shitty, abusive upbringing as children and like the majority of children who are raised by abusers, they repeat the cycle.

Or worst of all, they might be Trump supporters.

I know so many people whose parents have Fox News turned on 24–7. They angrily yell at the TV, cry “FAKE NEWS!” constantly. They think that Marjorie Taylor Greene is some sort of hero instead of the garbage human she actually is.

How is a kid supposed to respect that? Most younger people I have been around the past few years cannot stand politicians who conduct themselves in such a trashy way. They are not fans of restrictive, far-fetched-sounding organized religion. Most don’t have anything in common with one or both parents.

Hang in there, Kid. Your time will come. You won’t be living at home forever. You’ll get to choose your friends and family. And it will be fucking sweet.

That’s one of the best things about Medium. Writing here daily and interacting with so many people within the comments sections allows us to make beautiful friendships. I talk to the most wonderful writers who become truly great friends.

Some of them even are like family to me. Especially the hooligans in our Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Discord Server. It’s pure pandemonium in there most of the day. We laugh so much together.

These people get it. They’re the ones who make me laugh constantly. For me, the family I choose are the funniest, most inappropriate ones out there. When you’re constantly cracking up and making others laugh, it helps you to forget about the blood-related family members that have let you down in life.

I’m blessed to have the most amazing Bride and three wonderful children who are all my best friends. I do also have quite a few family members that I AM related to and enjoy very much.

But my chosen family is truly awesome. If I’ve gotten close to you and we’re not blood-related, that was a conscious decision. And I thank you for being so receptive to it. As the actual Godfather himself said:

It’s true. Find the best people and keep them close. Choosing your own family is the best. Cheers to the wonderful ones I’ve met here on Medium who are family, as far as I’m concerned. I love you all. &:^)