the 14 days before my father died of cancer.

Almost 6 years ago I lost my dad because of this weird sickness we call cancer. He fought this beast for almost 6 years and was pretty much winning at one point but it finally got to him... Let me first talk a bit about my dad, he grew up really poor but find a way to get out of Morocco and land in Montreal in Canada. He started working in a clothing store where he discovered his passion for clothes. 8 years later he opened his first store called Cuir Elegance. He was an ambitious man with a lot of elegance. Right before he was diagnosed with pancreas cancer he had almost 9 stores all around Montreal. I was 11 years old and I was so proud of him, everyone loved him and admired him. Every year, we use to go to Mexico and in 2009 when we were in Cancun, my dad promised me that we would play tennis together at the end of the day so at around 5 pm I waited for him in the lobby. I waited for an hour and my mom then joined me to tell me that he was not feeling good at all. His eyes were yellow and his stomach was hurting bad. We thought it was because of the food but when we came back to Montreal, my dad went to the hospital to see if everything was alright. The doctor told him that at the age of 42 he had cancer and had to start chemo right away. After his first operation, the doctors told him that it was not a success and that his time was counted. My dad was hopeless and did not know what to do. As I said before, he was someone that everyone loved so no one wanted to give up on him. His best friend told him that he knew one of the best doctors in France and that he accepted to operate on him. My dad decided to give it one last chance and it paid off! He was officially cancer-free. We were so happy knowing that he was going to live a long and beautiful life. In 2011, he sold all of his stores and we went to live in Morocco to be closer to our family. My parents opened an event company that worked pretty good but in 2012 cancer came back. At that moment everything changed, my dad turned into a completely new person. He was not nice to us anymore, he became cheap and did not want to share his money anymore. He screamed a lot at my mom and my sister. We couldn't recognize him anymore. One night, he wanted to invite some of his friends at home and asked my mom to cook dinner, it was during Ramadan. My mom was extremely tired because she worked all day and asked him if it was possible to leave it until the next day. He started to scream really loud and pretty much went crazy. He went on and slapped my mom, I couldn't take it anymore and so I got into a fight with him. I acted tough but I was so scared, I knew that hitting my dad was not the good thing to do but I had to calm him or else I don't know what he would have done. When it was done, I was crying on the shoulders of my mom and he came back to hit me more and told me that I was not ready for what was going to happen and took his stuff and left. An hour later, I was really scared and could not imagine what was going to happen, so I texted him and told him how sorry I was. Of course, I was not sorry at all but I knew I had to do it in order to calm things down. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad and I'll always love him and I know that all of these weird reactions were coming from his meds. He used to take so much of them it was actually scary. in 2013, he went to Washington with my mom for an operation which was successful but there were lots of complications. Throughout the next two years, these complications got even more complicated which led to the worst part. 2 weeks before he died, he vomited a lot of blood and a huge ball which I guess was an organ or something. At that moment it was like he was dead, he could not talk, he could not eat, he could not drink. The only positive thing was that he was painless. For 6 years, every night he would scream because of pain but at that moment all of it was gone. We had to feed him through the nose but one incredible thing happened. 7 days before he died he got a surge, meaning that he was totally fine again like if he was a new man. He could eat, talk do whatever he wants. We spent the night talking and most of the time he was just saying that he thought he was going to die. The next morning, I went to wake him up and his eyes were open but he could not respond. He was actually sleeping with his eyes open and let me tell you that it was so scary. He slept all day long and at night he vomited again the same thing as last time. Once again, he could not talk, drink, or walk. We had to put him in diapers and feed him once again through the nose. I always saw my dad as this powerful man who always knew what he was doing but at that moment when I was looking at him I figured out that we are absolutely nothing in this world and that all of us will one day pass away. 3 days before he died, my dad was so skinny and so I and my mom carried him to the bathroom, made him sit in a chair in front of a mirror, and put him on one of his favorite music called la bohème. We started putting him on some perfume and fix his hair, he was such a handsome man so we just had to do it. He couldn't talk but he was smiling and it was such a blessing seeing him smile like that. He was like newborn rediscovering music and family. When we put him back to bed, I stayed next to him and I just kept telling him how much I loved him. He could not keep his eyes away from me and he was trying so hard to speak. I told him not to force himself and just had to relax, he finally did it and whispered to me how sorry he was. I did not want to cry in front of him, I wanted to show him that I was strong and that I would be fine after he leaves. I just did not want him to worry, I wanted him to leave in peace. The night before he died, an Imam came home and told me that we were going to recite a verse from the Quran which was going to cure him completely or make him leave this world. I did not really believe in what he said but I just went with it and said okay. The next morning, my grandma wakes me up at around 8 AM and ask me to free my room because my father was going to die in a few hours and it's where they will clean him. At that moment I was so furious, I told my grandma that she was not god and she could not just predict whenever my father was going to pass away. People kept coming to my house with a big smile and leave with so many tears, it was so sad. That day there were a lot of people at my house. Me, my mom and my sister were sitting next to my father. At around 9:50 I was counting the breathing per minute my dad was having and every time it was less and less breathing. At a moment, I look at my mother and tell her he will breathe one last time and he will leave. So we went next to him and hold his hand. he took a really big breath, closed his eyes, and left this world. We went on and cried, we cried a lot but at the same time, I knew that he was in peace and that he would look out for me from where he is. I locked myself in my bathroom and asked for a sign, just to know that he was alright and that he was with us. Right away, the hand shower fell off, and trust me when I say it never happened before. I was so glad, I knew it was not a coincidence and knew that it was him. The funerals lasted 3 days and it was beautiful, there were more than 500 people and I got to tell him goodbye one last time.

My dad was a beautiful man, with a lot of elegance and class. everyone misses him and god knows how much I love him so much. I hope that he is resting in peace and that he is proud of the man that I am today.