Teen Anxiety: What Parents Don't See

Anxiety in adolescence is a recurrent and definitive subject in schools. Parents are frequently alerted to the signals emitted in the classroom. The yellow light, which was once on, is now part of our busy day-to-day life. Frighteningly, children and adolescents suffer from anxiety from a very early age, which requires even greater attention to the child to help him, if not banish it, at least keep it at a minimally bearable and controlled level.

The current world is dynamic and agile, and has parents tormented by a grueling routine of long hours of work outside and inside the home. Repeatedly stressed, then, we do our best to take care of the family and everything that comes "in the package" of this "modern" reality.

Innovative, extremely fast and constantly evolving technology fosters unlimited material achievements and a perfect life on social networks. And to complete this new scenario, "today's" teenager finds himself on the verge of the adult world through the terrifying phase of responsibilities and the search for accomplishments.

In this challenging context, it is difficult not to suffer from anxiety in adolescence. For this reason, we parents also need to change our lens to look closely at the conditions in which our children reach adolescence. The phase itself already requires effort from the whole family to welcome this "new being" in formation; in today's world, understanding it more and better is vital. Teenage anxiety is lurking; being close to your teenager is therefore essential.

teen anxiety in disguise

In parents' meetings at school, it is noticeable that anxious parents report - in my opinion, erroneously - what they consider to be the "personality" of their children. There are countless – and recurring – examples of a "strong-tempered" son who refuses to follow rules and a "decided" daughter intolerant of - amazingly! – grades below 9.5.

Told as mere displays of temperament or personality, I find myself wondering,

"Do they really believe that?" Are they blind to the threat of a deeper issue?

The daily rush, the daily stress, the cumulative responsibilities contribute to the automation of parents. In their routines, their days seem to deprive them of socializing and the necessary – and due – attention to their child. Unfortunately, "today's" modern and agile world leaves very little or no time for the rich exchange of family experiences. On the part of the child, then, there is only frustration and anxiety of feeling alone in a phase that has proven to be challenging; there is still fear of not knowing the attitude to take, the behavior to adopt, the decision to make. Suffering remains for not knowing how to deal with the present... perhaps the future.

The Inevitable Teen Anxiety

Born and raised in the digital age, young people also suffer the action of technology in this alarming picture of anxiety in adolescence. The incredible resources and equipment appear on a daily basis and, combined with the consumerist culture, exponentially expand the desire to have as a measure of personal value, while social networks sell the idea of ​​a perfect life in which "the other is the one who is happy. "

As if the external context were not enough, adolescence arrives and, with it, demands for attitudes, decisions and plans for the future. Terrified and surrounded by behavioral and social norms, the youngster struggles internally to accommodate himself to the new imposed rules, adjust to the new demands and still accept his own physical and emotional changes.

Certainly, the responsibilities and expectations of the teenager weigh heavily. As if suddenly, we come to expect from him autonomy, initiative, responsibility, decisions, attitude, attitude towards life, which invariably takes time to materialize. So I ask myself:

- Can you not be anxious?

Teenage Anxiety

I lived this dynamic and tasted this poison. I changed when I noticed that my son closed himself off from the world and, sadly, from his life, the exact opposite of what I expected to be the phase, that is, opening up to new experiences. There were several signs:

"Bag, mother!" I'm not going to Zeca's party because I don't know who's going to be there. What if none of my friends go?

"Mom, you don't understand!" I should have taken 10 on this test! I studied a lot to get only 9! Bag!

— Come on, Mom, I don't want to take a taxi back... what if the guy is a criminal? What if he doesn't know the right way?

Fortunately, I had time to help my teenager regain his balance. I noticed changes in behavior and attitude, I paid attention to his comments that denounced the anxious and insecure teenager above expectations for the phase. Impacted by an excessive degree of anxiety and fear in his daily life, he saw his development and, mainly, his life being painfully faced with derisory resources... and individual help.

Role of Parents of Teenagers

Undoubtedly, current times have increased the risk – and the cases – of anxiety in adolescence. If, on the one hand, we live in an incredible era of unimaginable professional and technological possibilities, on the other hand, we live with young people who are more vulnerable to this intrepid – and still unknown – reality.

What fascinates me curiously also disqualifies me as a mother. My teenager, in fact, has countless new options for the future, very different from my past, which also makes me understand that I also need more knowledge to help him in this unusual context of total transformation inside and outside of him.

Thus, staying with the teenage child has become a necessity, which requires parents to be aware of the responsibility of what has become an even more complex mission of forming a physically and emotionally healthy adult for the world.

Life will certainly continue at its breakneck pace, the world will continue to evolve (whatever that means), technology will continue to advance. But let's not get distracted: the child will continue to need our time, our availability and willingness to help him live through adolescence and become a truly autonomous and healthy adult.