Pregnancy After Loss

Growing up, I never wanted kids. I never wanted to get married. Mainly because of how messed up my family was, I always thought my family would be doomed. Kids were not a desire of mine, I was adamant on not having kids I even looked into getting my tubes tied at one point. I am happy that I did not pursue that and I am happy that my mindset shifted. My mindset shifted when I realized that I can break the generational ties and curses that were holding my family captive. My future family did not have to be held captive by the upbringing I endured and it was up to me to change that narrative.

Pregnancy after loss is such a beautiful and emotional journey. I went through 2 miscarriages, one of which I was carrying twins, I miscarried in August 2022. My second miscarriage was in June of 2023 and I got pregnant with our miracle the next cycle. For a while, I didn't think I would get to experience the beauty of pregnancy. Everyone talks about how your life changes and you stop living but no one considers that your life is just beginning. Everyone talks about the hard times and the messy and challenging times but no one talks about the beauty. Your body is creating a whole new person made of you and the person you love. You are growing a human brain, fingers, cute little toes and so much more. Your body is creating a beautiful masterpiece.

Pregnancy and childbirth is messy and painful but it is SO beautiful. The fact that you're bringing in a new innocent person into the world that you get to teach all you know, is simply beautiful. Yes, it's going to be hard but when you see your little babies face or you hear them laugh, cry, speak, etc., it's a joyous moment that I cannot wait to experience.

I am in awe at my body. It brings me the greatest joy hearing my sons heartbeat from within. It is the best feeling when I put my hand on my belly and he responds with kicking. Even when I speak to him and call him by name and he responds by kicking. I can't even begin to explain the amount of joy it brings me. I do not fear childbirth, I am so excited for childbirth. I am so excited to meet this little guy and love on him and teach him all that I know and I can't wait for him to teach me about unconditional love and all that he is going to teach me. I can't wait to see who he will become, what will his personality be like? Will he look more like his Dad or will he look more like me?

We often can get caught up in how painful it's going to be or how hard it's going to be, but we often forget what we receive from it. This perfect little human that is relying on you, that you carried and grew for 10 months. You finally get to see the beautiful blessing. It's a miracle, childbirth is a miracle. Think about how much your body produces and what was put in place to carry a baby, who thought of all of those things? I am a Christian and I believe God created us all and is the mastermind behind the masterpiece of childbirth. If you look into what our bodies do and how they change, it's mind blowing how it all came to be.

The negative narrative behind having kids and childbirth needs to stop. All it does is scare people into not wanting kids and makes them think they don't need or want them. Granted, there are some people that just don't want kids and that is 100% okay. What's not okay is instilling so much fear into people about kids and childbirth and preventing them from experiencing something that may be life changing for them.

I used to be one of those people that thought your life ended when you had kids. I used to think of kids as being a burden and I never thought I would be pregnant let alone enjoying pregnancy and finding my joy again. For years I have felt like I had no joy. I had nothing to be excited for or to look forward to, I was just going through the motions of life. Since being pregnant, it has opened up a new window of joy into my life that I never thought I would experience. Could I actually enjoy being a stay at home Mom? Could I actually find fulfillment in that? My mindset has shifted once again and I am so hopeful and excited for my future with my husband and my son and any other children we get blessed with.