My BF's Crazy Mom

Warning: talks about r*pe, su*cide, and mature things like swearing etc. It’s a fucked up story and there is no actual r*pe or su*cide, it’s just a manipulative woman crying wolf.

Me: K

Bf: A

On January 9th, 2022, at 11 PM, on our way to our car from work, my boyfriend realized he had a dozen missed calls from his mother. Urgently, we listened to each message, wondering what was the matter with her late, sudden calls. It turns out, they weren’t very nice.

To understand, you’d have to know from the beginning. It was quite strange, because I used to get along with this woman very well; she would let me come over all the time to see him, she kept me fed, and told me as long as I made him happy, she would love me too.

Fast forward about 4 years of dating. My boyfriend and I obviously started living together a few years out of highschool, being together for so long, and planning our lives together. We had plans and it seemed they would be going smoothly. During this time, my boyfriend’s mom moved to Utah for medical reasons. She had Lupus, needed a new kidney (and luckily got one and now doesn’t need dialysis) and had severe “chemo brain,” as my boyfriend liked to call it. He would disregard and forget any of her sick behaviors, saying it was just her chemo brain making her act like that.

“How did she act?” you may be wondering. She was racist. Native American, African American, Caucasian. If anything didn’t go her way, she would make pompous accusations towards any person, place, or thing. She’s the casual “crazy-lady” 911 caller, she’s the “you raped this person, you broke this, you stole this from me, you are racist, this business is racist, this person is illegal, this person, etc.”

Literally only if nothing goes her way. It has to be her way. So if a police officer doesn’t take her seriously, (they don’t anymore) then it’s because he’s a racist Mexican despite her also being Mexican. I cannot stress enough that she’s a psycho.

Okay, so about sometime last year, after she kidnapped my bf’s little sister (she wasn’t allowed to cross state borders without a custody arrangement with my bf’s dad) but she left anyway without getting in trouble. My issue is no one fucking holds her accountable. No one! She accuses my bf’s dad of being a rapist, a prostitution pimp, a drug dealer, anything and everything to get her kids away from him. He never sued her!

Of course it was all investigated very early on, and my bf and his sister were adamant they loved their dad and they still wanted to be in his life. So in turn, he got more custody. Anyway, my bf’s mom lives off brainwashing people. She had definitely grown her son into taking on the “husband” role, and once she realized he was serious about starting a life with me (maybe getting married, thinking of having pets, buying a home together) she was furious.

Out of the blue.

She tried to hide it as a kind gesture. She planned on buying us a home in Utah, though she had no income and virtually no way to take care of us financially, and wanted to surprise us. Of course, children being children, my bf’s sister went to me and spoiled it, talking about how excited she was but I couldn’t tell him.

I was mortified. No way was I moving across the state just because she said so. I had my grandparents, my parents, my family, my job, everything there, where I already lived, and so did he! He had FREE college, cheap rent because we rent from his dad, a job too, and links and contacts to help him pursue his career. Not to mention a couple of pets together already.

Moving would be a nightmare, and I immediately told him and said “I can’t do that, tell her to stop before she goes into debt or some shit.” So of course, he tells her, and thanks her for being so thoughtful and sweet, etc, but that I don’t want to move.

I say, “Say we both don’t want to move. Do you want to move? It’s not just me.”

“I don’t want to move but I’m scared to upset her.”

I just remember thinking that she sounded like a manipulative person, and from my bf’s friendless childhood, it seemed his mom had a history of being jealous with his attention anywhere else. He wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers, friends over, or even fucking BIRTHDAY parties. Let that shit sink in. Yeah. What the fuck. After I knew all this, I knew I had to help him stand up to her.

“It’s okay, tell her that you don’t want to move either. She should understand.” He was so scared and freaked out but ultimately did say it was both of us. It was silent. She never messaged him back, and he was content. He continued chatting with his sister like he regularly did on Discord, and it all seemed well.

Anyway, so we both had just gotten off work that Sunday night, and were walking to his car. He begins listening to all her voice messages, and I turn around and look at him. His face is contorted with confusion, and me, sensing drama, asked immediately what’s up.

He hushed me, and kept listening. Then he listened to another. And another, and finally, after sitting in the car for like ten minutes, I tell him to tell me what’s going on. She was speaking frantic Spanish, but I never could retain much after highschool. I could hear her, but I couldn’t understand.

He says it’s too much to explain/translate, but I’m like, “Hell no, what the fuck is going on?” Anyway, some of the voicemail went like this (from my bf’s memory.)

First, I wasn’t good enough for him. That he didn’t know any better and that she was trying to protect him from me, because I was abusive, didn’t feed him enough, or cook well enough, and I was constantly cheating on him.

When I heard this, I quite well remember saying, “how does she know so much about our relationship all the from Utah? That’s crazy.” I kinda wanted to laugh it off but I was confused. And my bf didn’t seem like he knew what to say. He was going to text her a gentle message, but I told him to call her. Her last missed call was only like 20 minutes before we got off. She should still be awake. So we do just that. We call her, and I listen to them bicker back and forth in broken Spanish and English. Some I could hear, some I couldn’t. He sighs and hangs up. He explains a tiny portion of what she was saying but he didn’t want to go into detail because it would hurt my feelings.

I got out my phone. “If you got shit to say, then say it to my face.” I hit send. She blocked me, of course. Anyway, the list continues.

She said I was verbally abusive to him in our Discord calls with his sister when we played DND, and that I was racist towards her, and that my bf is sick and infirm (savage) and unable to take care of himself. Like giiiirl, I still shower with him, he’s fine. (He’s not disabled in any way, except a bit of ADHD he has meds for currently.)

She claimed that his dad was a rapist, I’m not sure if I already said this, and that he molested and raped bf’s little sister. Constantly said this. Over and over. For years. Never once did they find evidence or a confession, etc, anything that concerned my bf about it, or the law. Even as she threw these accusations, bf’s dad was still allowed to see her and spend time with her. Lmao. You really wanna put your child in danger? Anyway, we knew they were all fabricated anyway.

And once my boyfriend declined to live with her, suddenly he was also a rapist of his little sister. Do you see a pattern? She accused him of all the same things, and that he never loved her or his sister and that he abandoned them for a whore.

She called me a whore, a slut, a bitch, all the good stuff. May I remind you, this is just in a short phone call. She said that his sister was depressed and suicidal because of him not loving their mother, and because her dad was abusive, and because I always say mean things, like a whore does.

Does that even make sense?

Anyway, I forced him to send her a message after he told me all this (he was hesitant and scared to stand up to her but I said if he loved me and respected me he wouldn’t let anyone say shit like that about me.) So it went like this.

“What are you talking about? You can’t be talking crap about [K] like that. We both love each other very much and treat each other very well. You have no business in being so rude and nasty towards her. She loves me and you can’t try to control me and her.”

Yes, I admit I did make him type it. He wasn’t going to do it. So it does sound a little stupid but I needed her to hear it. So began the fucking war. I only wanted to type this now because today she fucking pulled my last straw. It is now September 17th, 2022, so it’s been almost exactly 8 months and 1 week since this began.

This war. Let’s go over the next message she sent after that. (translated from Spanish to English by my boyfriend, who sits next to me at this moment helping me type this.)

“Look, [A], when I give you something, I give it with love and respect. [sister] and I noticed that [K] chastises you for everything. She’s always bothered by something you did. When you guys came to Utah, and you were driving, it bothered her with how you drove. You also have the right to receive gifts from your mom. You and [my name] need therapy so you can show each other love and so you don’t get nagged every day. Therapy helps. Find the errors of your ways. Especially if you write in a diary. [K] was way different when you lived with me. Every time I talked with you, [K] gets annoyed. Therapy can help the two of you a lot.”

I don’t disagree with therapy, I believe it can help people, but my bf and I don’t need it. We argue over what’s for dinner and occasionally if he plays his game too long. It’s never been heartbreaking or devastatingly serious or mentally draining like my previous relationship, so I knew what real abuse was. I never had that with [A].

What is mentally draining and devastatingly serious is how my bf’s mom acts. She said that he had to pick between her and me, to which he chose me. She said she would never go to our wedding and I would never have her blessing (to be honest, I was relieved. She was uninvited to our wedding the night she talked shit about me.)

She is actively trying to tear him and I apart, and since that isn’t working, she is now including his poor little sister, who is only 16. She is getting in the way of our friendship, and forced her to send long texts that echoed along the lines of, “You chose [K] over us, and she treats you poorly, she’s always talking over you, pointing out your faults, you don’t have any personal effects on the shelves, and you have no experience with relationships so you don’t have anything to compare it to, so date someone else, and you’ll save money and effort and time living here with us.”

We knew it was their mom, but it still hurt reading that from his sister’s words. She did abruptly delete it and expressed to my bf she didn’t know anything and just wanted to help, and that she made it worse. (for real, me and my bf sat crying together in the office over it.)

I have given this woman so many chances. I asked for an apology, I asked him to tell her that she could redeem herself. Instead it is more messages about how I ruined him, he would be happier there, and we are starting to worry about the safety of his sister being alone with his mom, all the time, who is now forcing herself into conversations to spread her nasty propaganda.

I don’t know what to do.

She’s a disgusting human being and she knows she can use his sister against him, and it breaks my heart. She still hates me. I was looking through the messages with my boyfriend and his mother back in January, and I remembered that she also lied to him directly that I was messaging her and saying nasty mean things and she was going to save it all and expose me.

She was a coward and couldn’t say it to my face. Honestly I wish I had typed more in that one message I managed to get out to her, and tell her she’s the biggest fuckhead I’ve ever met. That wouldn’t fix anything or help anything though. She said I was emotionally abusive and psychologically abusive, and I’m starting to think that she deflects what she knows about herself.

I’m not sure how to wrap this up but I had to get this off my chest. I have bottled this up for 8 months and I finally decided I had enough. She’s a psycho fucking bitch and the world needs to know my bf and I’s story. I’ve heard a lot about boys having mommy issues but I feel like she’s a whole different breed.

What I would like would be to go to therapy with her and my boyfriend so she could have her ass logically handed to her, but I don’t know how willing she would be to do that. Anyway, I couldn’t really add this portion anywhere else, but she is extremely emotionally manipulative, and loves to guilt trip people if you couldn’t tell from my essay on her. She always talks about how everyone is out to get her, and that no one loves her, not him, not his sister, and never me. The thing is, all her abuse and manipulation worked in the past, and I think she doesn’t like me because I am the first person to come into her life and say “no, you can’t do that,” and set up boundaries.

Oh well, this story will be ongoing and I’m sure I will write more in depth about specific texts or straight up just repost the screenshots of everything we have. Thanks for reading and if you have anything to add, please let me know. Any advice would be helpful.