Manners when Dealing with the Ex

There is this thing in life called manners. Boy, do they get you a long way. Especially when dealing with the ex. Now, no, I was not the one who was dealing with the ex, but rather my ex dealing with me. Our relationship is no where near rocky, It is much closer to an apocalyptical nightmare. That being said, I can seriously tell you if he asked nicely about this things would have been so much different.

So it was the normal week on and week of exchange, and he was nowhere to be seen. His pick up time was 5pm to get the kids. We finally gave up after no word from him about 45 minutes later. We left the drop off point with four very upset kids and my fiancé's two children whom he had six hours of visitation with and had just wasted a good hour of it on the wait.

The court paperwork says it is generally acceptable to deny parenting time if the parent picking up the children is more than a half hour late. So, we get the dinner out as it is now about 6pm and the children are very hungry. The kids were playing super smash brothers on the old nintendo 64 and laughing and giggling. Clearly they were just happy to not be in the car at this point.

Now, mind you, having them with me during his week would cost me an extra 150 in daycare fees let alone food, gas, ect. This was not an issue, but just for reference. Now, at this point it is 6:11pm and the kids are eating happily. aproxamately and hour and eleven minutes past when he was supposed to pick the children up.

He also lives in town which is aproxamately a half hour's drive for us. He text me demanding the children be brought to the drop off and pick up point in 20 minutes and that he overslept. Now, a. This would be a valid excuse if he worked, but he does NOT work. He quit his job three weeks ago. b. He could have asked nicely and explained what happened in a much nicer tone.

Because of how demanding and awful he was about the situation and the paperwork backed me up, of course I told him no. We barely had time with Tim's kids as it was and to waste more wasn't fair to them or to Tim. Now, if my ex asked nicely, we were headed to town to his drop off point in just 2.5 hours and it would not have been an issue.

It would have saved us money ect. Not to mention it would save my ex exponentially in gas. But that of course is not how it went down, or I wouldn't be writing this article.

He then demanded again and again. He threatened the police and to show up at my home. Now, mind you my home is on private property and I can enforce trespassing. He also wasn't supposed to know where I lived per court order and the documents had starred out my address. He had of course been stalking me for the last two years so of course he knew where it was, but this reinforced that.

So I told him he was not to be on my property and that he would have to go to the friend of the court if he felt wronged and to file for make up parenting time. If the court ordered it, I would honor it. This is quite simple one would think, but no.

He went on threatening me and making like he was the boss ect. If I explained every text that was exchanged this would no longer be an article but a book.

It finally came down to him wining and begging. I am no longer responsive as he had me all kinds of worked up, but of course I kept my cool on the messages. Finally he told me I knew what was right and I should give him the kids.

Now, if he had asked nicely to begin with, he would have had them. I told him that he wanted to do everything by court order before and this time the order was in my favor. I told him that he couldn't pick and choose when to use the order and when not to.

I have been told by two lawyers and CPS (I called to double check) that I was in the right and to keep to the order. With the prior domestic with my ex, I shouldn't feel muscled to do what he wants when he wants it.

Mind you we have a special needs child who just got around to the idea of staying home for extra week and he was happy and settled. If I disrupted this, he would have a full on meltdown and it is not pretty.

But to be honest, I would have given him the kids if the conversation went like this instead.

Hey, I fell asleep. I am sorry . What would be a good time for you to drop them off or somewhere more convenient for me to pick them up from?

I am telling you something right now, I would have told him I would have been in town at 9pm and he could pick them up then. Seriously how easy that is guys. So please, no matter how bad things are or seem with your ex, a little manners goes a long way.