Stuck in the Middle

In the midst of a divorce, or even after, your thoughts are often of the children. Now, most people have to sit and admit to themselves that their kids should see both of you and it is in their best interests. Sadly sometimes this simply is not the case.

With my ex, my kids constantly tell me that he won't bathe them, let them brush their teeth, he only feeds them at night, ect. He barely even bothers bringing them to school and has even taken them out to go shopping. The school is trying to play Switzerland and not get in between so they refuse to give me a copy of their attendance record.

Sadly, even though he clearly doesn't deserve it, he got his 50/50 custody and every other week all year long. He only wanted it so he didn't have to pay childsupport. He has even texted me to ask if I would consider not asking for it. He hasn't paid for two years and I have gotten by fine on my own and has only shown interest in the kids after he was asked to pay.

So basically I'm trying to change this, but I know how court goes. Sadly, the good guys never seem to win. My Fiance has the opposite problem. He pays his childsupport without question, in full every time. He is a father and has great interest in seeing his kids.

His ex is a spoiled brat and doesn't want him to see them. They are 11 and 12. She has him down to about 36 hours a month with each child and that is not even overnight. She was letting us see them every other week overnight and decided to take it because she found out we were not only engaged, but pregnant.

She asked for a key to the house and when told no, told him to choose between my kids who see him as daddy and his kids. He said he didn't have to choose and she went to court. They actually ruled in her favor! six hours at a time and it is an hour drive to get them.

Now she is scheduling appointments over his visitation time and taking the kids herself to take more away from him. She shows up 42 minutes late for visitation and then complained when we were 6 minutes late saying she was going to the friend of the court because she was tired of the crap.

Now, her fiancé is actually quite level headed from what I have seen. I dropped the 11 year old off and He waved and smiled at me. All my man's ex does is scream and stomp her feet like a two year old. Clearly, justice never is truly served.

All one can do is keep fighting at this point. Both myself and my man try our best to do everything in the children's best interests. This means cooperating and rolling over sometimes. It means lots of compromises even though you know it will do no good to give the other things such as groceries that they will never bother using.

Yes, I have paid for groceries for his time and yet, he never fed them. I had the kids even pick out what they wanted, vegetables, ect.

Long story short, I learned not to just be the good guy anymore. I'm so tired of having to fight for the kids' homework during the exchange or to find out when it is the kids' turn to bring snack. I literally didn't even know my seven year old had snack today until 7:30am this morning after he already got on the bus.

So I made a trip into school to drop it off. Now, I didn't get to plan for it as I had no idea he had snack in the first place. So instead of something nice and healthy, I had to bring an unopened bag of cereal. It was smores flavor so it is of course a win, but still, it could have gone much worse.

Can you imagine how upset my son would have been to be at school and not have a snack on his day? That is so embarrassing. All their father had to do was either text me when it was, text a pic, or even make a copy and give it to me...

But no, it was too difficult and he decided he would call the principal to ask for separate folders so he didn't have to bother. Why would you be so stupid? She said no of course. Asking the school to pick up your slack is not the way to go.

It's time to fight back. He constantly texts me when I ask for copies of things that I just want full custody and that I am sick or deranged. I think now it is time to go for more custody and to fix the school issue.

I am not going for full, but I am going to go for 70/30. Every other week in the summer and every other weekend during the school year. Keep the same holiday schedule as well. I am also asking for a stipulation in the 50/50 legal that in order for him to do anything (appointments ect) except in an emergency he needs my written consent for important big decisions such as medication, making appointments, and changing emergency contacts. Yes, he has messed with all of these things if not more.

This way he can't gripe that I was being unreasonable and the kids get to go to school. Also I can ensure he doesn't push pills on the kids (long story but he tried having my eldest lie and say he was hearing voices. He told the truth to the doc thankfully and is in writing in his med records.) and the kids are always within their best interests.

He continually threatens to quit his job if he doesn't get his way currently or even calls cps with false allegations. yet, he accuses me of being sick? No, today I am fixing this once and for all. And yes, if this does not fix the issue fully, I will continue to slowly widdle everything down until it is fixed.

I advise anyone dealing with a similar bunch of idiots to do the same. Act in the child's best interests. If you child is taken care of and loved on the other end, please allow your ex to see them equally. You get a break and the child loves both of you. Same here, but they are not being taken care of.

IF you kid is well taken care of and loved let them see their other. He is your ex for a reason, I understand (believe me), but you have to understand he didn't give up your child. If he did and has come back, let him try to win them back. why keep them from them? How would you feel if roles were reversed?

In that same light, if they are not being taken care of, fight. Don't just roll over and say you can't do anything. File those papers, fight for your kids. Be fair about it, but fight. They will remember who acted in their best interests.

I leave you with this, please think of your child when dealing with your ex. Don't think about your feelings, just them.