Life and Death

It never gets easier, losing people, you would think that after losing most of the people in your family, you would be used to it, but that never happens, sure we adapt to learn to process grief more efficiently, but the pain is just as bad from losing one person as it is losing another.

When we lose the opportunity to see those people which we love, while in the physical state, it really opens up your eyes to how impermanent this life really is. I am realizing that while grief is a difficult set of emotions to have to process, the way in which it washes over us seems to be different with each person I lose. I fully understand that this body is not meant to last forever, and death is something that is inevitable.

I did not expect to get a message from my father today, saying that my grandmother was going to be gone from this world in just a few days, she has been sick for some time, and the relations in my family have been so strained, that the communication channels are definitely in need of improvement. I had no idea that she had been sick, no one said anything to me, which actually really upsets me, because it in a way, robbed me of having the chance to play a part in her life, after having my own eyes opened, after losing my wife. I don't understand why people have to be so selfish, whether it is emotionally, or physically, I feel like they were selfish, by not contacting me to be able to have some last words with my grandmother, but I can't hold onto that kind of thought, because it only harbors negativity. I will never allow any of the trials I go through while in this life, to harden my heart.

Never assume that you always have tomorrow, to be able to get in touch with someone you love, whether it is family, or friends, make sure you take the time to let whoever you have in your life, know that they are loved, and appreciated. Tomorrow is never promised for any of us, however, if we act on the side of caution, and live in the healthiest way we know how to, we can definitely extend the time with which we do have to live. I did not realize that the last time i saw my grandmother, which was years ago, that it would be the last. I know that with her illness, she has been suffering, and that is nothing I want for anyone I love, or know, so there is one blessing that is coming out of this, and that is that she is not suffering anymore.

I do find myself worrying about my grandfather, and whether or not he will be ok, because losing your spouse is enough to drive your sanity into the ground, if you allow it to. The pain felt from such an experience is so severe, it literally makes you not want to be alive, for a while at least. I wish I had the power to heal my grandmother, but death is something that we can not stave off forever.

Do not allow your heart to harden, or allow it to darken, do not allow the experiences you have, if they are negative, to break your spirit, instead, allow these experiences to build you up, into a stronger person. To become a better individual, is all our loved ones want from us, they want us to succeed, and not allow complacency and counterproductive actions to rule our lives, making progress, and striving each day to do better, and be better than you were, the last, is what I truly feel is important.

Brightest Blessings