Journal of a Black Sheep

What does it feel like to be the black sheep of the family? Though it pains me to write about it, I still want to share my story so it might give some valuable insight to some of you out there.

The black sheep of the family is the one who is different from all of the flock and is criticized for it. The difference is seen as something bad and therefore not accepted. But not only the thing that makes the sheep black is frowned upon, the sheep itself is rejected altogether.

There are many things that could cause someone to become the black sheep: How they look or something that they say or do. Although the rest of the flock thinks the outcast is bad - or did or said something wrong - this is not necessarily the case.

Often the black sheep never did anything to deserve to be rejected. Many times the real reason is simply that the one who is criticized looks, acts, or speaks differently from the group. Everyone is following each other but one stands out.

The black sheep of the family doesn't always deliberately choose to go against the grain. Oftentimes they cannot even help it. But this usually doesn't stop the flock from blaming and shaming the outlier.

Many black sheep are painfully familiar with guilt trips. Although they are often singled out against their own will, they are made to feel guilty for it.

They also tend to be very acquainted with manipulation and gas-lighting. Members of the flock try to shift the blame to the black sheep, who is an easy target. Through feelings of guilt and shame, they try to manipulate the outcast. The longer this goes on, the more isolated the black sheep will feel.

Perhaps the most predominant feelings that a black sheep experiences are loneliness, helplessness, and desperation. They often feel like they can do nothing right. Their words and actions are misunderstood, which leads them to feel desperate.

The herd shuns the black sheep, uncertain whether or not it belongs with them. So it straggles behind, or wanders away from the herd, where it is comered by wolves and promptly devoured. Stay with the herd - there is safety in numbers. Keep your differences in your thoughts and not in your fleece. - Robert Greene

The black sheep often feels like a lone wolf, surrounded by wolves in sheep's clothing. All the twisting of words and deceiving actions can instill a sense of helplessness. Who to trust? Who to confide in?

Being cast out by your own kin can make you feel unsettled in life. Although you might have joined a new flock that gives you a sense of belonging, you are aware of a gaping hole that was left by the group that disowned you.

It's as if you have lost something to base yourself on, to root yourself in. Like a home without a foundation or a plant pulled out by its roots.

As a black sheep, you know rejection, isolation, and being judged. But you also know perseverance, solitude, and dignity. You know what you've lost, but also what you have. You know pain, but also rising above it. Maybe you are a black sheep, but most of all: You are you. And that's all you need.

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