I'm Glad My Dad Died
Grieving the loss of a parent years before their death
Now that my closest family members know, my father passed away on Friday of vascular dementia.
Bit of backstory for everyone unfamiliar with me and my life: My father Richard and mother Janice met over a Christian dating ad in a newspaper. They married quickly after, in 1983, then I made my way into the world two weeks late on August 30, 1984. My brother Ryan followed a few years later.
Growing up, things were... wild. My father had sustained a traumatic brain injury at age 9 and, as it was the late 50s/early 60s, help wasn't there like it is today. He could've also been predisposed to borderline personality disorder and would show symptoms of that throughout his life.
My parents married and divorced each other twice, each thinking they needed to try to make it work for us kids. My father, I think, just couldn't stand to be alone, yet he couldn't stand to live with anyone, either - the true borderline way. After my mother, he married another woman, but that didn't last. He finally met Alice, and they were on-again, off-again until her death a few years ago.
Fast-forward to December 16, 2022.
I got the notice from a family member that my father had died.
I hadn't spoken with him in approximately three years, and it had been even longer for my brother. My father was, to put it bluntly, very much a borderline personality, even before the dementia set in. His girlfriend, Alice, and I had noticed some dementia symptoms in the months leading up to my disconnection with him. He had become increasingly irate with her, and he accused me and my boys' father of things we could prove never happened.
It was disheartening. After years of wanting a relationship with my father and trying to make it work - with Alice's help, I must add - I had to cut him out of my life.
My father died pretty much how I expected him to: old and alone.
It isn't a fate I would wish on anyone, but it is the result of his actions in life. He couldn't help the dementia or the TBI he sustained as a child, but he had plenty of opportunities throughout his life to get psychological assistance as well as medical help for his chronic pain.
For anyone who asks, I am okay. This is a loss I grieved three years ago. I took the news of Alice's death much harder because of how much we loved each other. She was my second mom. She was also way too good for my father.
I'm just hoping this provides an opportunity for my brother and I to become acquainted with my father's side of the family. He had long been disconnected from them, and I only ever heard bits and pieces about that from him, so I never knew how much of it was fact. But they're the ones who reached out to me, let me know of his status, and have shown their compassion.
There is light in the darkness.
Hold your family close. Love them hard. I can't get Alice back. Can't get my grandpa back. My Aunt Pam. Now, my father, whom I might've never had in the first place.
You can have your disagreements, your ups and downs, but if there's anything Vin and Ed have taught me, no one will love you like your kids do. And no one will resent you more if you do them wrong. But no one will give you more chances than they do because they don't just need you, they WANT you.
I sincerely hope that my father is now able to reflect on this wherever he's at in the afterlife. I hope he is reunited with his parents there and can make amends with them. I hope he finds peace.
Hug your loved ones tight this holiday season - and all year long.
About the Creator
Jen Chichester
Greetings, Readers of Quality!
I am your humble host, Jen Chichester, also known as That Crime Writer Chick - bringing you true crime news in real time.
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