Hey mom

hey mom,

I never told you this but, remember the time you sold the house and moved ? Well I do it was my senior year of high school it was my toughest year on me. I had just gotten dumped by my ex boyfriend gobani who I thought was the love of my life, I was kicked out. Finishing school without the support of my loved ones really opened my eyes. I’ve always been the middle man in our family , the one everyone can go to to express themselves and just talk and smile and to know that someone cares what you’re saying. The tables turned on me. I didn’t have someone to talk to and pour my heart out on. Just drugs and distractions. I remember back in foster care it was just me and my sisters and we were all we had. Until I found my forever family and I thought things would change. They did. But eventually for the worse. Our family broke apart and split up. My family Is my heart. We are all connected. Not a day went by that I didn’t feel the pain of our other 6 family members and our beautiful fur babies ace and krypto. From that time on I finally knew what you meant when you told me to cherish every day as a gift from god. It truly is a gift. The present is a gift you get it ?it was given for free but it’s up to you what do with it and how to use it and if you choose to give it away to another person instead of keeping it like you should have. I’ll always be okay I’m a strong young woman, always have been but I’d be lying to myself if I said I’m okay with where life is. Honestly mom , I’m hurt. I wish we fought harder for one another I miss you guys everyday and I know things will never be the same and that’s the hard part about adulting. So I’m trying my best to cherish every day like it’s my last. I don’t express my emotions a lot. Externally, I come off aloof, but internally, I am overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes It’s like I don’t really say everything that I feel because I might start crying and might not stop honestly. What’s the point of sterling the obvious if no one will do anything to change it ? A part of me wants to just disappear and start over where no one knows me and my failures , yet the other part is begging for me to stay and fight a little longer for what I have in front of me. I am at war with principalities that struggle to control my mind and soul but I am stronger than they know , stronger than I know as a matter of fact. I thank god we were chosen as a family because I don’t know where I would be without the people that make life worth living. I do this for you guys. I’m so exhausted but I knew there would be trials and tribulations, even Jesus himself was tried by the devil. I just tell myself to remember romans 8:18 , “the pain you’re feeling doesn’t compare to the joy that’s coming”. Thank you for being the real, realistic , human , mistake-making, imperfect, loving , generous , resilient, wise , intuitive, beautiful and stubborn woman you are. I wouldn’t dream of another mom. I’m proud to be your daughter I love you to infinity.

Love,

Sakiya