He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

“He loves me, he loves me not”.

Eleven-year-old Rosella’s long fingers caressed a bright yellow petal, and in the space of a mote of dust, her other Self paused and admonished her for being so fickle.

Slowly as a feather dropping, the velvety long oval offering whispered its way downward, to await several more of its counterparts. At the petal before the last, Rosella hung her head over the poor little stripped flower. Her glossy wavy black hair caressed the round deep brown centre, a single petal out like a ray of gold. Her chocolate brown eyes widened as she held a breath.

He loves me !

The last petal parachuted to the sparkling green grass and Rosella, triumphing in her random play, turned around and clutching the skeleton of the flower, ran to the house. There were times when she was sure that he didn’t love her and that was why he had not come home.

Rosella's mother, Tessa, also sometimes doubted that Rosella's father loved them, after he had suddenly left them, without any notice.

Tessa was lying on the couch in the formal lounge room, a peach colored light cotton rug over her up to the neck, which was circled by a string of chocolate colored pearls.

Her eyes were closed. Tendrils of black hair floated on a white pillow. Newspapers and mail lay strewn on the floor, and a tray with an uneaten sandwich perched on a nest of tables.

“Mother!”

Rosella’s call ended as soon as her eyes fell upon the pearls. She let go off the stem of the sacrificial flower and sank to the floor, crying.

“Bradley” she moaned, her face in the plush carpet, small, hard-shelled and curled up like a prostrate beetle.

Tessa immediately awoke and came to her side. “Don’t cry, Rosella.”

The mother gently raised her daughter and cradled her in her arms, and kneeling on her rug, she rocked her second-born.

“Shush, shh, it’s not what you think, Bradley is okay. He’s fine.”

They hugged each other, wrapped by an eternity of love. Bradley, Rosella’s twin brother, the first-born, had run away from home three months ago.

After no trace of him could be found, the Police had suspected him as being kidnapped or worse. On the day that he disappeared he had shown Rosella a string of fake chocolate pearls which he planned to give to their mother.

The thought that her twin could be held against his will never took root in Rosella’s mind. She held onto the faith that he had wanted to find his father and somehow had left the state. He was smart as a cookie and found it easy to make friends, maybe too easy.

Sometimes she would have a fit of guilt over not being interested enough in Bradley's friends and in their families and friends. If she had, maybe she would have got some information that was important to find him.

Her mother had exhorted her not to feel responsible, yet even with feeling that her brother was alive and well, it did little to console her young heart and her wayward thoughts.

“Bradley wouldn’t hurt a fly, and that’s why no harm will come to him” the mother had told the policeman, who had sadly shaken his head when she wasn’t looking.

The police had tried to track down the twins’ father to tell him that the boy might try to make contact with him.

Tessa's daughter made it to the couch, and the mother said softly. “The pearls came this morning in the mail from your father, with a card which had typed on it to my Valentines. There was a letter with it also.”

She stopped talking, but Rosella scooped up the letter and read it out loud.

“Dear Tessa and Roselle, I am asking you to forgive me for walking out on you. I was young and hot-headed and confused and not quite ready to be a committed father, I didn't know what I was doing then, so even if you can’t forgive me please don’t forget me, as I have not forgotten you."

"This letter brings you good news because Bradley found me and I have persuaded him to return home. He was in an accident and got concussed but he had a notebook with him which had Brexels written in it.”

“The police reported him as a lost child and placed him in a foster home, but because he was found in Brexels because that is where he went because he worked out that I could be there, there wasn’t a lot more publicity. How he got to Brexels, I don’t know, but he does look older than what he really is so must have passed himself off as being older.”

“Anyhow, over the last three years since I’ve seen you, I have found out who I really am, and it’s not just that I'm tied to the music scene, but I have had to truly get in touch with my creative potential."

"However, I also discovered that I have been very self-centred. I realise that the deep reason for that is I was very afraid that I could not and would not properly look after my family. I have learned that I have been harsh to my family and harsh to myself also.”

“I am sorry that I never contacted you once, but I can say that I have been in contact with a gestalt therapist and together we uncovered the effects of my own childhood and earlier years upon me. I am sorry to say that what unkindness goes around, is apt to return as mental issues to be resolved.”

“ I should have talked to you. To err is to be human, to forgive is to be divine, and I hope that you will both forgive me sometime. I love you all. But enough about me. Know this, that Spirit led me straight to Bradley. I had a strong impression that I should go to Brexels, not just for a musical conference that I was invited to, but something else was pulling me there.”

“So I went, and Bradley found me at the Sound and Light show. He was coming out of his concussion and when he heard my name out loud and saw me holding my blue guitar, he remembered that I was somehow a part of his life.”

“He had the pearls with him. He had never let go of them, telling everyone that he had to give them to someone special, but he couldn’t remember who. He asked me to send them ahead of him with a note to say that he loves you both and that he is very sorry for being so selfish and for running away. Bradley and I have a lot of talking to do.”

At this point of the letter, Tessa’s head involuntarily dropped a notch and she signed then rested her head against her young daughter, before continuing.

“I will come home too if you both want me to. On my honor, I will be a good and honest father to Roselle and Bradley and a reliable and trusting husband to you, Tessa."

"The circle of Life will begin anew for all of us. Bradley will be home soon and he strongly wanted me to let you know in this letter that the reason why he left and went to look for me, is that he thought that if his family got together again, that everyone would be happy ever after.”

The mother took the chocolate pearls from around her neck and tenderly clasped them around her daughter’s throat.

“These are yours now,” she said musically, “your father said that your brother never let go of them, that he knew that they were a link to his past and they reminded him also __ of something that the boy loved.”

She gazed into Roselle’s chocolate brown eyes, and neither spoke, and at that moment, four hearts bloomed. There was a knock on the door.