Does motherhood change you for the better or worse?

Recently I have been discussing motherhood with newly married couples and I’ve noticed a common theme emerge: a real fear (or at the very least) apprehension about how drastically life may change with the arrival of a child. The line of questioning usually looks like:

“Do you work full time? How do you manage childcare and work?”

“Did having a child impact your career?”

“Is your child in nursery? How did you feel handing your child over to a stranger, I could never do that?”

“How much are nursery fees?”

“How did you know you were ready? Do you still get to do things as a couple?”

I’m probably missing a few others but I can assure you your worries are palpable and very valid! While I’m only two years into motherhood myself, I have faced similar concerns, alongside fears about childbirth, body image, postpartum challenges and mental health. It all seems overwhelming but I’d like to provide a balanced perspective based on my journey thus far.

Diapers to Desk: Reshaping career dreams

Career aspirations often loom large for women stepping into motherhood. It’s natural to worry about how having a child might impact your professional goals.

I’ve had my fair share of fretting over this too but I’ve come to realise motherhood doesn’t necessarily derail your career ambitions; rather it reshapes them.

A typical career trajectory spans decades marked by promotions, periods of stagnation, company changes, and potentially, career changes. All of this means your journey may not be linear to “the top” (whatever that looks like for you). I found solace in this knowing that taking a year out for my child really doesn’t change my trajectory in the grand scheme of things, it’s merely a small detour or pause.

For me, becoming a mother has ignited a whole new layer of motivation. Suddenly, I’m not just working for myself; I’m working for my family and setting an example for my little one. Mum guilt inevitably creeps in too but that’s why it’s crucial for me that every hour away from my child is spent in the most fulfilling and financially-rewarding role.

While your path may differ slightly after having a child, it’s important not to compare your journey to others as this really is / will be the thief of joy. Naturally, some junior team members have been promoted ahead of me during my maternity leave, but that’s ok. I’ve gained my biggest blessing in that year and they continued to work their butt off so they 100% deserve recognition for this. Again, recognising your path is non-linear and non-identical to others will alleviate undue pressure in your decision to have a child.

Counting Coins: The cost of childcare

The financial realities of childcare can be staggering. I remember a friend warned me that childcare could cost £12–15k per year — an eye-opening revelation to say the least!

Yes, nursery fees are expensive and in most cases equivalent to/ greater than your mortgage payment. We’ve certainly felt the financial pinch (coupled with the cost of living crisis) but there’s government support available, depending on your income levels, that helps a great deal! (More on this in an upcoming blog post).

Ultimately the high cost of childcare is unavoidable unless you choose not to work. Instead of feeling burdened, I prefer to view it from a different perspective (perhaps to soften the blow or reassure myself).

I choose to see this as an investment in my child’s development, safety and my sanity.

I’m not just paying £1,000+ per month for her to play with toys; I’m paying for good nutrition, social interaction, learning opportunities, skills development and ensuring her safety. My priority is for those caring for my daughter to be motivated to offer her the best possible care, even if it means accepting higher costs than anticipated.

Balancing baby and bliss: Embracing motherhood without losing you

Finding the balance between wholeheartedly caring for your child and not losing yourself is akin to navigating a tightrope. Here’s the truth: there is no such thing as balance (in terms of an equal division of your time between work, family and personal pursuits). It’s about prioritising what matters most to you at any given moment, and accepting there are seasons in life.

This is something I (and many mothers) recount as an ongoing struggle. Feeling you could be doing more as a mother, to further your career and to look after yourself. Unfortunately there’s no quick fix / solution but what I will say is you cannot give from an empty well.

Prioritising self-care isn’t selfish, it’s fundamental to giving you the rejuvenation needed to pour into all aspects of your life.

In conclusion, does motherhood change you? Absolutely. But whether it changes you for the better or worse is entirely up to you and the perspective you adopt. Embrace the challenges, learn from the setbacks, and cherish the moments — both big and small — because in the end, motherhood isn’t just about raising a child; it’s about discovering the strength, resilience, and boundless love within yourself. Trust me, you’ve got this!