Kids Say the Darndest Things
The unfiltered truths from the fruits of our loins. And the creepiest things they've ever said. Help?
A Brother and His Three Sisters
My sister and I never got along when we were little. We fought over anything and everything. The chores, TV remote, who would sit at the front seat when going out with her parents, who would get allowance first. Everything you could think of.
I may have been a true southern belle in a past life. Even though I was raised in New Jersey and subsequently raised my own kids there, I was big on titles for introducing adults to our young ones. For some reason, I truly was pre-programmed with this habit and not everyone was a fan. Every name was prefaced with Mister, Missus, or Miss. If they were of the senior generation and the last name was an easy one, they got the whole enchilada. If their surname was a challenge to say easily, the title preceded their first name. It didn’t matter to me when people tried to tell me it wasn’t necessary. To me, it was; To me, a title built in a separation of ages and therefore, respect.
Out Of The Mouth Of Babes
My son Tyler was a funny kid. At about two, he already had a rather expansive vocabulary and could verbalize his thoughts and feelings pretty well, I thought, for his age. He would often put words he had just learned in new and strange combinations to see how it would work out, often on-the-fly.
Season of Believing
This year might be a little tougher to dig on down to our celebratory feels when it comes to Christmas. 2020 has been no easy year for any single one of us. We have let holidays and birthdays pass without seeing the ones we love in effort to keep them and ourselves healthy and safe. We have walked around with our faces covered and our identities masked themselves. We have had fear in our hearts for our neighbors, friends and families and not only because of Covid-19 but for equality reasons and more. This year has been a trial. So this Christmas should be a celebration that we who are here can embrace the magic of the holiday however we celebrate it. Normally we would be gathering with our family for a huge family party which now will be done through a zoom session. We will however still make our ham dinner on Christmas eve and put out the milk and cookies for the big guy to grace our boys beautiful mind, which is what this story will be about. He was asked today to write about Santa and the North Pole and what he imagines it to be. Through everything life has thrown, he still believes in the magic of wonder, something we should all dig on down and find again. So here it is, magic through imagination. Enjoy.
Kids logic sometimes doesn't make sense... Or does it?!
I know, this is unexpected to use "logic" and "not make sense" into the same sentence, but hear me out. I have been working with kids for years, good couple of years and this is a weird, sometimes a funny issue for me. Sometimes when I hear some of their funny clap backs, I`m like "haha... that was cute/smart/amazing!" and other times I`m like "Wait... when was this a good idea?! or Can I even win this fight?!"
On a first look, one may say, “What in the world is this little girl doing posing down low and making peace signs. Well, let’s just say my four year old daughter Izabela, has quite a way of expressing her thoughts not just through words but also by her actions which can be quite hilarious considering her age.
Things My Son Says
Have you ever noticed how profound things can suddenly come out of a child's mouth when you least expect it? It's almost as though they are revealing the old soul that's trapped inside their little bodies. This has always fascinated me, so I decided to take a year and write down every funny thing my son said that totally cracked me up. He often catches me off guard with the witty things that he says, and I felt that I should record these lines so I could show him the evidence of his amazing calculating mind when he becomes an adult. I think he will be very proud that his innocent thoughts brought his parents joy and laughter at a very young age.
Michael Jackson...Because I'm a Good Mom
He’s captivated by the drum beat and fire eaters in "Remember the Time" and enthralled by the dance moves in “Bad,” but his absolute favorite is the harmonization of "Earth Song." Ever since my six-year-old son heard the opening intro to “Bad,” he’s been hooked. He loves anything Michael Jackson, and comically, it’s almost become an unnatural obsession. He begs for me to play Michael Jackson songs on any car trip longer than five minutes and studies the dance moves of the music videos on YouTube.
I Identify As a Train Wreck
Anti-queer folk often rely on the phrase "think of the children!" whenever they try to advocate against the continued existence of people like me—to which, if I'm not to exhausted, I usually reply, "but there are queer children, you know."
Multiple Kid Mayhem
Ever have one of those moments where you are crying and laughing at the same time over something horrific and yet super funny? My husband had one of those moments on this particular day when he heard me frantically yelling for him. When he came running out to my calls for help, what he saw, he thought, was the funniest thing ever! I had been sharing cuddles with our two youngest daughters on my lap in my easy chair. When he entered the room, he found me frozen with disgust. One of our daughters had been coughing rather violently. She coughed so hard she threw-up all over herself, it also went down her sisters back, and into the V-neck of my shirt and onto my cleavage! Our son, only two years old at the time, must have seen I couldn't get up and took the opportunity to get completely undressed, tear off his diaper and run around the living room swinging it over his head. Now before you ask...yes...it was poopy. Our two youngest children are twins. They work together with their sister, who is only a year older, to do stuff like this. They are like a crew of professionals in a heist. One distracts while the other goes to do something, and you don't even realize the third one has your keys! But today was just jumping on an opportunity. There was a time (like a year ago) when I would have chuckled, too! 🙂
Blow Hard, Bud!
Being a mom is never an easy thing. You often feel as if you have failed in some way, question, and doubt yourself. Those feelings only get worse when you live not only with anxiety but with kids who are hyperactive as well.
Kids are funny, aren't they? They have no shame in what they talk about, and it makes me think that maybe we should all start to live that way. I've been working in childcare for three years now, and I've overheard some pretty hilarious conversations. I thought I'd share some of these priceless encounters!