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Kids Say the Darndest Things

Kids Say the Darndest Things

The unfiltered truths from the fruits of our loins. And the creepiest things they've ever said. Help?

  • Pamela Henry
    Published 2 years ago
    Things My Son Says

    Things My Son Says

    Have you ever noticed how profound things can suddenly come out of a child's mouth when you least expect it? It's almost as though they are revealing the old soul that's trapped inside their little bodies. This has always fascinated me, so I decided to take a year and write down every funny thing my son said that totally cracked me up. He often catches me off guard with the witty things that he says, and I felt that I should record these lines so I could show him the evidence of his amazing calculating mind when he becomes an adult. I think he will be very proud that his innocent thoughts brought his parents joy and laughter at a very young age.
  • Keisha Simpson-Baker
    Published 2 years ago
    Michael Jackson...Because I'm a Good Mom

    Michael Jackson...Because I'm a Good Mom

    He’s captivated by the drum beat and fire eaters in "Remember the Time" and enthralled by the dance moves in “Bad,” but his absolute favorite is the harmonization of "Earth Song." Ever since my six-year-old son heard the opening intro to “Bad,” he’s been hooked. He loves anything Michael Jackson, and comically, it’s almost become an unnatural obsession. He begs for me to play Michael Jackson songs on any car trip longer than five minutes and studies the dance moves of the music videos on YouTube.
  • Tavish Flynn
    Published 2 years ago
    I Identify As a Train Wreck

    I Identify As a Train Wreck

    Anti-queer folk often rely on the phrase "think of the children!" whenever they try to advocate against the continued existence of people like me—to which, if I'm not to exhausted, I usually reply, "but there are queer children, you know."
  • Kat Archer
    Published 2 years ago
    Multiple Kid Mayhem

    Multiple Kid Mayhem

    Ever have one of those moments where you are crying and laughing at the same time over something horrific and yet super funny? My husband had one of those moments on this particular day when he heard me frantically yelling for him. When he came running out to my calls for help, what he saw, he thought, was the funniest thing ever! I had been sharing cuddles with our two youngest daughters on my lap in my easy chair. When he entered the room, he found me frozen with disgust. One of our daughters had been coughing rather violently. She coughed so hard she threw-up all over herself, it also went down her sisters back, and into the V-neck of my shirt and onto my cleavage! Our son, only two years old at the time, must have seen I couldn't get up and took the opportunity to get completely undressed, tear off his diaper and run around the living room swinging it over his head. Now before you ask...yes...it was poopy. Our two youngest children are twins. They work together with their sister, who is only a year older, to do stuff like this. They are like a crew of professionals in a heist. One distracts while the other goes to do something, and you don't even realize the third one has your keys! But today was just jumping on an opportunity. There was a time (like a year ago) when I would have chuckled, too! 🙂
  • Kat Peirce
    Published 2 years ago
    Blow Hard, Bud!

    Blow Hard, Bud!

    Being a mom is never an easy thing. You often feel as if you have failed in some way, question, and doubt yourself. Those feelings only get worse when you live not only with anxiety but with kids who are hyperactive as well.
  • Hayley Bonnett
    Published 2 years ago
    Say What?

    Say What?

    Kids are funny, aren't they? They have no shame in what they talk about, and it makes me think that maybe we should all start to live that way. I've been working in childcare for three years now, and I've overheard some pretty hilarious conversations. I thought I'd share some of these priceless encounters!
  • Mackenzie Z. Kennedy
    Published 2 years ago
    How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

    How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

    Sex is not a topic parents like to discuss with their kids. In fact, it's often one of the most awkward, cringey conversations that they can have with their kids.
  • Jus L'amore
    Published 2 years ago
    The 5 Strangest Things 5-Year-Olds Do

    The 5 Strangest Things 5-Year-Olds Do

    Ahhhhhh, to be the parent of a 5-year-old AKA owning a miniature human being who has zero filter, hulk like mood swings, and lies better than most criminals. Sure, veteran parents warned me about the sleepless nights of newborns and the terrible tornado two's, but no one - not one of you -prepared me for the extremely complex and confusing fifth year of life. An age where a child lingers between baby and big kid. A time where your child can look at you, tell you he hates you and then accidentally poops his pants. No longer are his tantrums dramatic and easily curable, but now they are violent and almost demon-possessed like.
  • Lindsie Polhemus
    Published 2 years ago
    Funniest Things Kids Say to Their Teachers About Their Parents

    Funniest Things Kids Say to Their Teachers About Their Parents

    Kids say the darndest things, don't they? Or at least, they do when you hear that they blabbed a story to their teachers... one that makes everyone wonder what sort of home they're coming from (and not in a good way, either).