Are Couples Prepared for Parenting Life?

It is a personal question, and therefore it is hard to generalise. Some couples get married thinking they want to have a child as soon as possible. Some couples do not want children.

Couples who wanted to conceive a child

Couples want to be parents for different reasons. Perhaps, they are already in their thirties and know that at that age, if they do not conceive a child quickly, they may miss the chance of parenthood.

Besides, having a child at a woman’s older age comes with other risks. Some of these risks could be pregnancy complications, increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities or increased chances of miscarriage.

There are also younger couples who love to have children. They may feel that marriage without children is incomplete, and hence they want a child so that they can be like their parents who had children.

Couples who do not want to conceive a child

At the opposite end of the spectrum, some couples do not want to have a child. In modern society, where there is an emphasis on children doing well in school, many couples are shocked by how much money they need to raise children.

Raising children in many societies includes ensuring that they will do well in school. If they do not, the alternative is to provide them with tuition for all their subjects. While school fees are generally acceptable, tuition fees could be as high as $50 per hour or more.

Hence couples may delay having children or prefer not to have children at all. Of course, besides financial reasons, other reasons could be related to their health and fertility.

There are also considerations on lifestyles where the couple value their independence above any other goals in life. They want to pursue their careers or have ambitions to travel very frequently.

Having children is not a high-priority goal in their lives.

Values in our society

Many couples have to work long hours in their jobs. Many of those careers may demand a high commitment that they put in the time and focus on doing well.

Specific jobs may require travelling regionally or have demands beyond a typical 9 to 6 routine. In healthcare sectors, there may be shift duties. In police-related work, there may be 24 hours standby for operations.

Hence, not every couple can plan to have children without considering these concerns. Besides, there is also the financial aspect of providing for their newborns. With the rising cost of baby diapers, milk powder and other childcare-related fees, household expenses will increase significantly once their children arrive.

When my wife and I conceived our firstborn, we realised our expenses had risen. That is because many expenses come from having a child, including medical costs when the child falls ill.

Is your marriage stable?

Another aspect that couples may overlook when planning to conceive a child is whether their marriage is stable. If the relationship is not loving and affectionate, having a child will only amplify all the relationship issues.

I suppose the couple needs to discuss these matters carefully before a child comes along. Having a child requires commitment and lots of it.

Imagine having to wake up several times at night to attend to the newborn is enough to disrupt anyone having a hard time at work.

And if both couples are not handling it together, leaving it to the woman to care for the baby, she might fall into depression, and depression may lead to other unwanted outcomes.

Hence there needs to be support, commitment and readiness in finance when a child comes. Sometimes it may be wiser that couples delay having children early in their marriage to ensure they are emotionally ready to be parents.

Final thoughts on parenting

I think a couple should be prepared and ready before they become parents.

The joy of having children is that it can add life to the marriage. Although it may hinder some career promotions or advancement, having children is natural.

There is no judgement on whether a couple would prefer to have or not to have children. The choice is theirs to make together in their marriage.