A Single Act of Kindness

Empty and alone. Empty and alone. I’m so empty and alone. While driving home, listening to the music coming through my speakers, I try to find a reason to smile a genuine smile.

I’m so afraid that at any second, I might breakdown, I might expose myself that hides under an exterior of bright smiles and loud laughter.

My brother Is dead. A monstrous pandemic keeps me separate. I’m separated from the people I love. And I’m surprised to feel such enormous pain. Pain that feels like it could bury me. We didn’t know each other like brothers should, but I still miss him. I still wonder what his last thoughts were. I still wonder if he knew he’d be missed.

None of that matters now, I guess. He’s gone and I’m driving alone, navigating my way home. I’ve driven along this highway, to and from work, at least 500 times, but today I feel lost.

I wonder what my roommate would think of me, coming home teary eyed and unable to muster more than a “Hey” before rushing to my room to hide away. We’ve known each other for six years. We met during our freshman year of college. We’ve shared many fun and exciting moments together. We’ve never been sad together.

Should friends know what you look like when you cry? I mean really, really cry; not like during a movie. An ugly, snotty, heartbreaking cry that feels like you might drown yourself in and never return from. Is that a thing you share with friends? I think it would be too shocking of a sight for him to see. It’s best to keep those feelings to myself.

I’m still focused on driving. Driving and making it back to my apartment complex. To a room where I can pretend. Yes, I can pretend that there is nothing else beyond those walls. I can keep pretending.

…

I reach my apartment complex and walk down the concrete steps that lead to my door. Slowly, one foot after the other, stepping carefully. My eyes are welling up and for some reason butterflies begin to flutter through my stomach. Standing in front of the door, unlocking it, I can only think about how quickly I want to make it to my room and how nervous it makes me to have to face a friend who knows the sorrow that fills my heart and covers my face.

It’s for the best that I can’t see my family right now. The very idea makes me sick to think about. Just imagining my Grandma’s face, stained with tears, and hearing my mother’s voice shaking is enough. It’s enough to know that I wouldn’t be able to hold back the emotions that’re always bubbling up. Instead I’ll continue to face my coworkers and tell them how I feel, because I can say what I mean without feeling it when I talk to them.

…

Inside the apartment my friend is at his computer and I can hear voices fade quickly as I walk in the door. He’s likely having a meeting or talking with other friends and family.

I do exactly as I predicted and only say “Hey”, and hurry off to my room, hanging my head low.

There, I am safe. There, I am allowed to exist and feel. There, I am surprised.

As I began to strip away my layers, I notice there is something out of place. Or rather, that something has been added. On top of my dresser, there was a large card facing me with bold, printed words. The front of the card has a video game character that I recognize but don't know the name of and the back has digital versions of each of my friends in the same game style as the character on the front.

I felt a fluttering in my stomach again, noticing that each of my friends had typed a message to me filled with love and well wishes on the card. Also, in the middle of the card was a download code and an invitation to play Animal Crossing: New Horizons with all of them.

Warmth. I had no words to say. I just felt warmth.

I walked slowly to my friend’s room and saw him there, on a video call with all of our friends, waiting for me. Waiting to tell me how much they care about me. I couldn’t bring myself to cry in front of them despite my heart that was clearly overflowing. I was shocked to see what they had done for me. But even more so, I was relieved because I no longer felt empty and alone.

...

I hope my story shows you that even just one simple act of kindness can completely change someone's day (or even their life)!

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