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A good marriage learns to constantly return to zero

by David Preston about a month ago in foster
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Zeroing in is a way to get along.

When we heard the news of our classmate's divorce, a few of us good buddies were beyond surprised. Let's put it this way, "heaven and earth together, is daring to be separated from the gentleman" - always thought this phrase is tailor-made for them.

The two of them from meeting to falling in love, and then to get married and have children, all kinds of life events have not left me a hundred meters away. Nine years into the relationship, because both families opposed, one attempted suicide by slitting his wrists, a hunger strike for five days before dying. We looked at the year as a Joan of Arc drama, I even when the year of the male nineteen, running around, all kinds of drama. Later on, the lovers finally got married, the wedding scene that day, basically became a crying classic, the main man and woman every time the joy of tears, we witnessed the audience in tears.

After that, although they live in two places, but can feel the joy of a long goodbye than a new marriage. The heroine and we live in the same city, and every time we see her dressed up in a flowery way, it must be the male lead returning from a faraway place. We once joked that your husband is so good, always out, not afraid of cheating or something. Who knows that the lady actually cried in front of us, choked up and said, if he did that, she will die! People to middle age, tortured by life are numb, talk about love more hurt body. Only when they were with the two of them, we were reminded that there was love in this world.

Who knows, just when we treat them as a love specimen, they actually divorced!

People know this news, the first is to question, still let us believe in love? This time the female lead actually calmed down into a pile of ice. The original reason for the divorce began many years ago. How many how many years ago, the birthday he actually did not send a gift, but also turned off the phone; how many how many years ago, his mother said, if you step into my home, I will head touch dead, now with cerebral thrombosis I accompany every day to see a doctor, he did not a word of thanks; how many how many years ago, he did not explain his late return; how many how many years ago, the day I gave birth to a child he was actually in the field ...... later, we can't listen to it, your memory is good like that, it is estimated to live a hundred years will not get Alzheimer's disease. My classmate's reason is: because care, so remember.

I asked her rhetorically: you do remember, the result of the divorce. What is the end of love? Isn't it about being together? My classmate next wailing and sobbing.

Love him, it has been formatted, zeroed in on, to love again, there is hope.

Six months later, a small gathering of classmates, the two families are in, the man repeatedly toasted me, confused me, listen carefully to understand that my words let them both benefit, go back to the two sides agreed not to mention the former, only the present, but the relationship is harmonious, but also to find the shadow of the former. Wow, this inadvertent willow, but also a pair of marriage.

That day, the computer has a virus, the old cow like a huge slow, ask the master to repair, the master looked at my documents, said to me, save too many things, you have to learn to zero, duplicate files, scrap photos, download expired software are in, you say can not slow? To make the computer run smoothly, there is only one way, regular format zeroing once.

The computer master's words suddenly reminded me of my classmate's marriage, in fact, it was also a wake-up call. The so-called maturity, not know how much, many times, is that we have too many things hidden around the edges, a lot of waste experience, expired resentment, are hidden in the memory of the years, the beautiful name, nostalgia. In fact, is carrying the so-called experience forward. Chu Shijian said: remember the past achievements can not save the current downturn, rather than put down and start over. Life needs to keep zeroing in, and marriage is a collaboration of two people, not zeroing in sooner or later to reach the extreme point of exhaustion on both sides.

My eldest parents have not been the model couple I thought they would be for as long as I can remember. Especially this kind of halfway couple, but the love between them waited until I had a family to understand that this is mutual! I personally saw them just after the hand-to-hand fight, my eldest father actually asked my eldest mother to tickle his back so naturally, and my eldest mother actually put down the work she was doing with the noodles and bumbled to tickle with great precision. I was baffled, what does this mean, too little attention to the rituals of the fight. So grand to start, but actually so decisive to end, but do not give us the opportunity to persuade the fight! In the words of my eldest father, it's life to live one day and forget one day.

A good marriage has to learn to constantly zero in on the fact that it's a load off of life. If love is the spiritual level, then marriage must be the material level, put down love to talk about marriage, in fact, is a return to zero. Marriage is the landing love, need to practice the quality of love from the chicken scratch. If you keep remembering the past, you will hinder the joy of moving forward easily in the future. Marriage is, after all, a collaborative relationship and it takes reciprocal strength to pull the marital wagon.

Zeroing in on a marriage is sometimes like a move. Only when you move you realize that the bottles and jars and scrap metal that we all couldn't get rid of in the past occupy far more space in the house than those practical things. The constant zeroing or formatting in marriage is a kind of wisdom and open-mindedness, learning to forget and let go in order to forgive yourself for being more serious and impulsive. To know that the pot touching the bowl is the norm in marriage, then you know the importance of zeroing in, which is a way to get along.

Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore said, if you cry for the loss of the sun, you will also lose the stars. There is a story in the Buddhist scriptures: the old monk carrying a woman across the river, the young monk has been puzzled how monks can be close to women, doubting whether the old monk has broken the precepts. Finally could not help but ask the master, the master said indifferently, I carried her across the river and put it down, but you carried her has not been put down.

Life is a trek, non-stop walking, along the way not only the landscape, there are storms and bumps. If all back to the end, life becomes a bitter journey. Packing light is a kindness to yourself. The regular zeroing in is a cleaning of the marriage, sweeping the dirt and dust away, the marriage will have a brightness and texture. The person who is with you is also quite lovely, not to mention she (he) has many years of happiness and expectations.


About the author

David Preston

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Comments (2)

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  • Linda Rivenbarkabout a month ago

    I enjoyed reading your story which gives a good description of the complexity of marriage.You use good metaphors like the cans and bottles and old tin taking up more space that the valuable , and how zeroing in and cleaning out the unnecessary clutter leaves the marriage with only the things that matter most. A good read!

  • Cecilia Figueroaabout a month ago

    Muy buena historia. Espero que ayude a muchas personas a no llegar al punto de la inevitabilidad.

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