6 Things You Find out When You're 30+ with No Kids
30+ And Child-Free
I'm 31 and have been married for four years to a wonderful man. We have been trying for children for about that time, but no luck. We've been tested and so far, my infertility has been unexplained. So I do want kids, but I get lumped into the category of not wanting kids because of the infertility.
So I get these six things a lot... like EVERYDAY, almost.
One: Everyone thinks you're rich
You're viewed as having two monocles and tons of extra money because you don't have to buy diapers and expensive toys that will be used for a week then discarded like five-day-old bread. You will be the one expected to pay for drinks and/or dinner. You will be Mr. or Mrs. (or maybe even Ms. Moneybags).
Yes, it is true that without kids, you do have a bit more money throughout the year, unlike your friends who ball at tax time, but borrow money from you the rest of the year. Or just complain that they need money or that kids cost so much. Blah, blah, blah.
But no, you're not rich. You still have bills, bills, bills.
And you remind the people around you constantly, but... they still view you as the rich one. Get used to it. I'm sure they'll be up to your stature by retirement time.
Two: People Ignore Your Advice and Articles You Read About Kids
You read a nifty new article about children and you're all too happy to share it with your breeding friends and family. Or even just your aging parents.
Before you can even get the full description of the article, you are interrupted.
"You don't have kids, so you don't know how wrong that article is."
Do you even have a response for that? I just sip my expensive designer coffee that I can afford because I don't have stomach gremlins yet and stay silent.
Or they actually ask you for your advice and completely ignore it.
"I just don't know what to do about Timmy and his obsession with the garbage disposal."
"He's 15 and probably knows what no means."
"You don't understand kids." Or (and this is a real thing that someone once said to me..) "No isn't a term in our house."
"No" is a term in everyday life, so if no isn't a term in yours, your kid will have a horrible reality check when they start their first job or ask out their crush.
Three: If You Go Near Kids, There Are A Ton Of Parents That Think You Will Want To Kidnap Their Kid
Men would probably get this more than women, but this is a thing I've noticed when out in public. Especially an event with a lot of children.
Now, I get this to a certain extent.
For example: A grown man or woman without kids at Chuck E Cheeses is a little... weird.
But I've heard of people at Disney World that have been asked where their children are.
Disney World is not exclusive to children by any means, especially nowadays where full grown adults in their 30s wear nostalgic cartoon shirts. But to boldly ask someone why they paid an arm and a leg to visit a place they probably couldn't afford as kids is a little much.
I've never really had anyone be that bold to me, but I've gotten plenty of looks when nearing children at the state fair or zoo. Again, not child exclusive places, as the state fair has alcohol and the zoo has animals you can't see outside of captivity. At least, I don't think I've seen an African elephant wandering the streets lately.
One lady looked at me weird when I stepped closer to the sheep's pen at the State Fair. Her son who was a toddler was free range and apparently in my way. She grabbed him up and hugged him close.
I said, "Hon, you couldn't pay me enough to kidnap your brats," and walked away.
Mean, I know, and they were cute kids, but her stink eye bugged me and I'm not shy about confrontation.
It's a common occurrence and yes, parents, there are people who want to kidnap kids, but not everyone without kids are suspect. The woman taking pictures of sheep and accidentally running into your toddler probably likes sheep and just didn't see your kid.
Four: You Have So Much Free Time On Your Hands and I need a favor
To be fair to the people in my life, I only work three days, so I do have plenty of time. However, I also have other things and more pressing needs to attend to. Not that I don't love my friends and family, it's just there is only so much time in a day.
Unless it's babysitting, of course. Your more experienced breeding friends will probably be asked before you.
But if they need a favor that requires going anywhere, especially if they don't have a car, they will ask you.
You don't have to arrange a babysitter, you can just pick up and go anywhere.
And yes that's true, but you still have work and plans and people seem to forget that when they're desperate.
Now, my friends and family are pretty good with "no," and they generally don't do this, but I've heard horror stories.
Including one where a lady said that it wasn't fair her sister never got knocked up. Classy.
Five: Kids' Parties Are Awkward
You show up with some present that you picked up last minute, or one you spent hours researching because their parents texted you that they don't care what they get and it's been over two decades since you were a kid. You see a bunch of kids playing and a bunch of moms texting or checking their social media and keeping a lackluster conversation with the other moms at the party. You see the dads grilling or standing around the grill. You make your way there with a plastered on smile. You don't really want to be here, but you love the birthday kid. They're your little (insert cutesy nickname that you're planning on embarrassing them with when they start dating) and they're as much your world as they are their parents'.
You make that conversation and someone who hasn't been to the other number of the kid's parties asks you where yours are. This is where it gets weird because you don't have one and when the lackluster conversation centers around parent things, you are at a loss. You can use the birthday kid as an example or any kid, but you find blank eyes staring back. They know you're pulling things out of your bum. You're trying and maybe they try back, but it's a black hole conversation and going nowhere.
At the end of the party, you say goodbye, and maybe you think what if or think for a second about having kids, but you take a look back at the inevitable mess and appreciate that you don't have to clean it up.
Six: You will get asked approximately 12,000 times when you'll have kids and why you already don't have them.
No matter the reason, no matter what you've told people in the past... you will get asked why and when? As I've said in my intro, I am experiencing unexplained fertility and even though I've been tested and gone through a few things, I get asked why. It's in the freaking title, people!
I'm going to say this one is probably the most annoying aspect of not having kids after a certain age.
Even if I didn't want kids, why is your business, Karen?
When am I going to have kids? When I feel like it; or how about when my eggs accept their destiny. I mean, Karen, I congratulate you on being able to produce cute little stomach gremlins, but not everyone wants to or is able.
The point is: Before you ask this question, think.
Is it your business?
Do you know this person well enough to ask? If you're a stranger, this is one of those questions that will label you a busybody real quick.
And finally... if you ask, do you really want to know? Is this just banter, curiosity, or do you believe in some way that a kid will enhance this person's life?
Kids are a treasure, a beautiful treat, but they're not for everyone—and that's fine.
They cost money, and take time, and not everyone wants that.
Somedays, I even wonder why I want that, but I do—and eventually I'll be one of these people that is an example.