The Best Years of Our Lives...

"These will be the best years of your life!" That's what they tell you before you fly the nest for a distant (or in my case, nearby) university town or city. Your mum or dad will take you to Dunelm and fill the trolley with bedding, kitchen utensils, and maybe even a slow cooker that you'll never use. Before you know it, they're kissing you goodbye and holding back tears as they leave you in an unfamiliar block of university halls in an unfamiliar town in an unfamiliar part of the country. It is then you meet a bunch of unfamiliar people.

If you're lucky, you'll end up in a flat with seven other people who are completely on your level, relatively sane, and great to be around. This, however, is rare. It goes without saying that if you don't think your flat has a "weird one," it's probably you. I ended up with a group of people that I didn't have much of a problem with, but they just weren't my kind of people. Being an extremely pedantic tidier and clean freak, I suffered greatly with piles of mouldy washing up and overflowing kitchen bins. In the beginning, you don't want to tidy up anyone else's mess because you worry that they'll think a fairy did it and they'll never wash up again... but in the end your sanity and general health is more important than stubbornness and you clean it all up anyway.

Many people stick with their flat throughout the entirety of university and that becomes their friend circle, but many people find friends elsewhere and only (reluctantly) return to the flat to sleep and eat. This was definitely me.

There is then the issue of choosing people to live with in student housing for second and third year. At the time, you'll be excited and desperate to live with your closest friends, but flash forward and you'll wish you never did. For me, living with a close friend changed everything, and if you're extremely clean and tidy like myself, you'll forever be tormented by the dirt and mess of those who have no consideration for anyone but themselves. If I could go back, I know I would choose differently, or even choose to live entirely on my own.

My friends resided in the music building where my course, as well as the other two music based courses, took place. It was in my first year that I had tons of friends and thought to myself, "Yeah, these will be the best years of my life! I've made myself some forever friends!" Sadly, I think I was wrong.

Over the years, hundreds of friends have worked their way down to tens, and now even to just a handful as I'm approaching the end of it all. You see, when you begin university, you want to be deemed as cool, fun and approachable. It is inevitable that you're not going to be entirely "yourself." As the months go by, effort lessens as security in friendships grow and true colours reveal themselves. These colours can unfortunately often be poo-brown or pond-mud-green.

Another factor that will absolutely cut down your friend circle is the workload. "First year doesn't count" is a phrase often uttered by those with hangovers most days of the week... There is plenty of time to party and, of course, alcohol makes being "friends" a whole lot easier. As work becomes more and more important, socialising becomes less so, and the ones still partying through second and third year are looked down on by those who actually want to do well. It is so easy for things to turn bitter.

Now, at the end of my university journey, I am left with only two people I want to stay friends with after we part ways. The people I considered my best friends in first year now grate on me more than anyone else. This could be because I am fairly intolerant, but also because people change for the worse when they are less mature.

There are people I know who change their style and personality with every new person they sleep with. There are people I know who are so desperate to be liked by everyone, that they really have no one. There are people I know that never seemed to mentally leave high school. I have no interest in this.

I made a rule for myself that if someone doesn't enrich my life and actively make me happy, they don't deserve a place in my life. Quality is ALWAYS better than quantity.

University has actually been one of the lowest points in my life. I have dipped my toe into the icy cold waters of depression and have experienced anxiety attacks for the first time in my life. I have hated myself for disliking my friends and have questioned my own personality because people can be needlessly mean.

At the end of it all, I am happy in that I have stayed true to myself through this whole experience, even while watching others change for people who wouldn't care if they changed or not. I'm now just desperate to get out of here and be done with the whole thing. I promise I am a fun loving, kind person who is always referred to as being a great friends... I think I'm just beyond all the trivia of university life. Being an academic year behind may have something to do with this.

My university days have been the days of my life that I'm the most keen to get away from. But who knows, maybe I'll look back one day and miss it all while I'm in my nice, clean, tidy, quiet, not mouldy home surrounded by my family and loved ones...

...doubt it.