Happiness vs Monday

Financially I will be honest and say I basically have nothing. I was a teen mother that put myself through college because I didn’t want my kids (yes I had 2 before really being an adult) to have to struggle. Student loan debt and credit card debt (yes when food stamps run out and so does everything else going credit card to credit card still allows for food) has crippled me. I’m doubting I will ever be able to get out of debt. My goal is to be at 0, I remember hearing my father say this once when I was younger after my mother died but I didn’t understand it until much later. One day it’d be nice to be financially okay but I do have more than most people even if it’s not financial.

Recently I’ve been talking to and evaluating people who are close to me about happiness. I have looked at my own happiness and tried to make sense of it all. What is it to be happy? Why do some people seem to have it and others don’t? What really makes me happy and what do I see from others who say they are happy but instead show how miserable they really are? I know that even though I’m not good financially I am good with my happy meter and others who are financially secure are not even close to their happiness

Let’s be really open, my checking account balance on the eve before pay day is $23. I don’t have savings, I don’t have good credit. I was a teen parent who struggled and didn’t want to live off from welfare so I went to school. Student loans gave me a way out but also gave me a debt I will never be able to pay. I went into teaching because I wanted to give kids what I never had. I wanted to give kids a teacher who believed in them and a champion they could depend on when they needed.

In my teaching career I have mentored students who need all sorts of hel[. I have paid for lunch and breakfast accounts that I really couldn’t afford to make sure kids were able to eat. I have taken kids out during a pandemic because they were at risk and suffered more trauma than the average person could ever know. My legacy will be my children and by that I mean my students. They all know once you are mine you are always mine. I will fight for you, I will call the police when you are worried about someone following you, I will give you doordash when you haven’t eaten in days, and I will be there with you when you tell your mother you are pregnant or cutting yourself. I may be poor but in love I am rich. My family and my kids love me and I will take that over any amount of money.

So the question comes down to am I happy? Yes, I am. I have people who love me. My children love me and respect me. I have children that I have helped become successful adults. I have given back to society and made sure that people I affected have given back and continue to do so. No I am not okay money wise, I wish this were not the case but in people wealth I have given back to society with my kids both born from me and those I have serviced. I am happy with what I have done, not that I’d turn away a winning lotto ticket but I would rather have made my choices than some who I talk to in big houses with little love from anywhere.