Feedback Requested
Sunday Dinner
There had been a christening at St. Mary’s that morning, and Susan and her cousin were going on and on about babies. Blair said she would name her daughters Ellen and Beverly, and her first son would carry his father’s name with a Roman numeral following.
By Harper Lewis 4 months ago in Critique
Oh my Computer!
Wondering why it seems that my laptop seems to always be updating. At times it seems to be updating daily is this right or do I have a very cheap computer which I do for it was all I could afford at the time, but it works 98% of the time. Lately it seems that when I turn the thing on it says, 'Please wait.' or 'Updating in progress.' It seems to do this on its own and giving messages like 'Please keep your computer on you are 30% there, then 75% and then you are 100% there, and then the next day its updating again. Is that normal even for a cheap computer? This is driving me nuts for one day I was reading and commenting here on Vocal and suddenly my computer gives a reminder that it's time to update. Do you want to start now or later and I click LATER, but it still updates right then. I so wish I could afford a new computer like my old DELL I had for years, and it seemed to never update daily or every two days. I have a feeling that this Gateway computer is getting ready to say that updates are ready and state please do not shutdown computer updates are starting. The sad thing is I really do not see anything new or changed from the last time this computer has updated. Does anyone else have such a problem with their computer such as this issue. Please let me know in the comments or do I need a new computer. Constant updating makes me want to go back to pen, pencil and paper. Sorry for the rant.
By Mark Graham4 months ago in Critique
Goodnight, Sweet Prince . Content Warning.
Susan pulled her car, loaded down with all of her worldly belongings, into Trey's driveway behind his car. As she approached the house, she noticed a line of ants marching over the walkway, not having the sense to go around the crack that every third or fourth ant fell into. There was a dead bird under the dogwood tree, and the ants were working hard, taking treasure back to their queen.
By Harper Lewis 4 months ago in Critique
Are We a Third World Country with a Gucci Belt?
The Myth of the First World For decades, the United States has draped itself in a "Gucci Belt"—a shimmering, high-tech facade of record-breaking GDP, billionaire-owned space programs, and a military defense budget that dwarfs those of its nearest global rivals. To the outside observer, this belt signifies a nation of unparalleled luxury. However, if we unmask this image, we find that the belt is cinched tightly around a body in a state of advanced decay. The socioeconomic reality for the vast majority of American citizens is not one of "First World" prosperity, but of conditions increasingly synonymous with developing nations, fueled by a compounding cycle of economic volatility.
By Susan Eileen 4 months ago in Critique
Mirror Image. Honorable Mention in Not Quite There Yet Challenge.
I started this short story for a Vocal Challenge that called for the first line. I didn't finish it in time to submit to the challenge, but I keep coming back to it. A woman loses her earring. A woman loses her earring. A woman's earrings are stolen from her tomb. The connections haven't all been made between the women. The lost earring and the way it was lost is real. I still have the other one. So is the gatehouse, the main house and the antique mirror that has an angry spirit. They are all cobbled together over time and place. I've handled ancient Egyptian tomb beads while cataloguing a fashion collection. Shivers. The rest is imagined, I think.
By Natalie Wilkinson5 months ago in Critique
The Cursor Blinks
THE CURSER BLINKS CHARACTERS • MAY (30s): A freelance documentary editor. Her eyes are perpetually bloodshot from blue light. Her apartment is a graveyard of half-empty coffee cups and post-it notes that say things like "Call senator" and "Buy oat milk."
By Meko James 5 months ago in Critique
MARTA morning . Content Warning.
Tom Jabowski slid from behind the wheel of his Lexus, adjusted his tie, and checked his phone one more time before slipping it into the jacket pocket of his plaza taupe Versace suit and approaching the bus depot. Yesterday was slim pickings, but he had a good feeling today, almost as good as that day back in Manhattan before 9/11 in his twin towers office before those fuckers at the SEC got him disbarred. Now, he was scrambling for cash with a bunch of hicks in Atlanta fucking Georgia who thought the SEC was the strongest conference in NCAA football instead of the Securities and Exchange Commission. So here he was in this shitty life he'd been forced into. He shot a quick text to his wife to see where she was spending her day. Great--at the jewelry store, then lunch with her mom. The coast should be clear until midafternoon.
By Harper Lewis 5 months ago in Critique
Authorship vs Refinement
Much of the confusion surrounding artificial intelligence and writing comes from a failure to distinguish between two fundamentally different acts: originating ideas and refining their expression. These acts are often treated as interchangeable, as though whoever touches the final form must also be the source of the thought itself. That assumption does not reflect how writing has ever worked, nor does it reflect how human thinking actually unfolds.
By Peter Thwing - Host of the FST Podcast5 months ago in Critique
Expression vs Distortion
One of the most persistent frustrations in communication is the gap between what a person intends to say and what others actually receive. This gap exists regardless of intelligence, sincerity, conviction, or depth of understanding. Someone can hold an idea with clarity internally, yet watch it arrive distorted, flattened, reduced, or misinterpreted once it is expressed. The failure is often blamed on the idea itself, when the deeper issue is frequently translation.
By Peter Thwing - Host of the FST Podcast5 months ago in Critique
Productivity as Preservation
Productivity is often framed as the visible accumulation of outcomes. Words written, posts published, episodes released, metrics improved, engagement gained, and projects completed become the evidence that work has happened. Under this framing, anything that does not immediately result in external output is treated as inefficiency, distraction, avoidance, or delay. The productive person is assumed to be the person who can show visible results.
By Peter Thwing - Host of the FST Podcast5 months ago in Critique
Never Sleep With Them
It was May 6th, 2026. Flying 10,000 meters above sea level, my eyes as heavy as a boulder and my brain leaking melatonin; and yet I couldn't catch a nap. All because of a random video I'd watched on a sleepless night. Some medical practitioner (Dr. Joseph J. Allen, O.D., FAAO, Dipl ABO, 1.3M subscribers; the algorithm gods chose violence that night) saying, "Never sleep with them."
By Cosmopolitan Ape5 months ago in Critique
