Accountability

Accountability

The conversation between men and women has shed light on many issues. It still gets out of hand quickly. The main issue I’ve observed has been that when it comes to accountability, the blame gets placed on one party and one party alone- Which is funny because most of these conversations have both sides admitting that accountability is needed. So, who takes accountability? And when do you take accountability?

The example that gets the most discourse is usually the topic of cheating. Now most people can admit that cheating is the wrong thing to do while in a “committed” relationship but some think that there are reasons to justify the act. Now the discussion lies with who is at fault. The third party or the cheater? Most women would say it’s the cheater’s fault and others would say that it’s the fault of the “seducer” for providing temptation, in heterosexual relationships there is a section of men that place the “temptation” at fault, saying that, “ If a person knows that they are in a relationship than they shouldn’t attempt to pursue any type of relationship or physical entanglements with them.” and others- most notably women- say, “ If you are committed to the current relationship then no temptation would sway you to falter.” Both sides have decent viewpoints but the question remains, who is the party to take the accountability?

I am not an expert, nor do I claim to be but my thoughts on this have been brewing for years. There are so many factors to human emotion and relationships that make this topic one of great strife for almost anyone. While that may be there is a solution that seems almost simple in concept and futile in practice. My suggestion is that everyone should take accountability for their actions. Simple- I know, though so many people want to have a body to point at that isn’t their own but the truth is, the only thing we as individuals can control is ourselves. If you know someone is in a relationship don’t try to pry your way in and if you are in a relationship then don’t stray from your commitment unless it’s no longer serving you in the healthiest ways (e.g. breakup, separate, or get divorced). There are going to be complications but the main focus is to know yourself so that you may know others. Treat yourself how you would want to be treated and by extension, you will find yourself treating others how you are treated. There is so much going on in the world and people prioritize themselves in all the wrong ways, only searching for surface-layer pleasures and then slapping the label of “self-love” on to dismantle any backlash from their actions but this type of thing isn’t working. We have to accept ourselves while still pursuing positive change. The whole point in life isn’t to just be happy but to progress. Not many people are looking for emotional intelligence, and not many people are looking for maturity, it’s all about that rush you get from small doses of dopamine from actions done at the moment, and because it feels good we think it’s right. To increase the wellbeing of everyone we must increase the wellbeing of ourselves. Disconnect, eat right, move more, and look inward. It’s not easy and it leads to seeing storms you’d never expected you’d be in, but when you change your mind you stop sitting idle in the eye of that storm and you see it for what it is- it’s uncomfortable but if you keep going without retreat you’ll find peace and you’ll see the storms others are trapped in. You might find yourself wanting to help others out of their storms but it’s like leading a horse to water- you can’t make them drink. The best you can do is lead by example, or maybe even take yourself out of the picture entirely. You cannot move forward if you make yourself someone else’s anchor. Like water, we must keep moving. Like trees, we must stand firm in our resolve. Like air, we must let our negative emotions flow through us. Like fire, we must burn unapologetically. The key to a better world is in our hands, we just have to stop waiting for someone else to do it for us.