You Got This Houdini

I was up a while looking for what clothes to wear this day when I heard a knock at the door thinking hmm bit early for visitors the front door opens and footsteps walking down the hall then a familiar sounding hello? Holy Shit it’s the prodigal son I froze for a moment before jumping back into bed pretending to be asleep as the footsteps grew closer there was another hello my bedroom door opened I stirred and slowly opened my eyes

Hey Mum

Harry? This is unexpected, what brings you here?

I need to talk to you (edge of irritation in his tone) Do you have cigarettes?

Yep, on the back table help yourself and roll one for me, be there in a minute.

I lay still for a while psyching myself for whatever trouble he was bringing it’s never good when he arrives unannounced always a trap don’t need to be psychic to know that

Morning son, (yawning) how nice to see you. What’s up?

Mum I need your help. I’m being tracked down.

What makes you say that darling, what for?

Mum it could be several things. I’d like to spare you the details but apparently there is a five-thousand-dollar reward for my whereabouts leading to an arrest.

Oh dear, that sounds serious, been up to no good huh?

Yeah, two of my bank accounts that deposit internet trade have been frozen.

So, I assume this internet trade was not all above board?

Just scams to fandangle social media, like in purchasing non-existent tickets to motivational speech seminars, subscriptions for How To Get More Out of Life Programs. Become a math's pro in six weeks, stuff like that. If you hype it up right, you can get up to 3000 subscriptions in 14 days.

(Is he bragging?) So, I suppose you keep collecting until your victims change their bank details? '

Not victims Mum, Randoms', just Randoms' it’s not personal.

Enough random complaints to warrant an investigation.

Neighbour's said the police have been canvassing the neighborhood. Undercovers have been lurking in the street for over a week.

(He’s sounding paranoid )

I keep dodging the Sheriff in handing over a summons for a class action against me.

(sounding stern) Harry, Maybe I should be calling this in. Face the music son. I don’t want to be seen harboring a fugitive.

Mum I’ll double that $5000 if you don’t do that.

(easily excited) Ooh seems fair. I accept that. Now, this class action, what’s that about?

My renovation company collected some illegal deposits, skipped out on completing a few jobs.

From innocent people? Victims?

No, people who have just received hefty insurance payouts not victims…vulnerable. Vulnerability is a strength… My strength.

Harry, you’re sounding like a narcissist. There’s no medication for that!

If I’m a narcissist, why would I give a fuck?

Ok fair point! So, how do you know who to target?

I have informants, members of the association.

Association?

Yeah, it's underground, all very on the hush Scam-Traders Association.

How many involved?

152 members, I was hoping to double that by the end of the year.

It's November!

Yeah, Mum 170 million dollars in scams was made in Australia last year. I’m only aiming for ten percent of that pie.

(Delusions of grandeur!)

Mum I can double again on the dollars I've offered you to say diddly squat if you’ll do me a favour, I need it done today.

Hmmm interesting, keep talking.

I need you to go to the apartment and take the cash from inside the safe behind the mirror in the bathroom.

(smirking)Do I have to smash the mirror?

Mum!

Kidding…how much money?

(He went silent like he was doing some calculations then nodded at)

1.4 million.

Jesus! (Why did he act like he needed to tally that?)

Mum, take your vacuum, buckets, mop, use my key to get in. If anybody asks, you’ve been the regular cleaner for almost 12 months, have only met briefly with me twice and know me as Mr. Charles.

Manson? (snigger)

Lincoln

Clever

Do you still use a backpack vacuum?

Yep.

The money should fit in that. Attend to the bathroom first, get that task out of the way, always anticipate interruption. Since you’ve got to hang for a while might as well give the place a clean. Yeah?

Right, of course son, at your f****** service

Take out your $20,000.

Oh goodie, so I can help myself, will you be counting it afterwards?

Mum you wouldn’t steal from me.

Son why would you steal from anyone! (CHING CHING!) I guess I should make way over to the apartment.

No wait mum I still need your help.

(sighing) STILL?

Mum can you give me a tarot reading? I need to get offshore, off the grid, a plan, I need the plan, time enough to reinvent myself.

You want me, the little old psychic women next door after all. Well son you were named after Houdini the magician, maybe a great escape was always on the cards huh? His father was a locksmith you know.

Yes, Mum I just need you to do your psychic thing, lay it out for me.

Roll me another ciggy I’ll need a moment to seriously tune in for this type of abracadabra. (inhaling deeply)

Harry, I do not condone your behaviour, but it is what it is I suppose and I’m not saying you’re an honest person, but I appreciate your honesty with me today.

Mum, remember when we were little and got busted for something, you always said if you’re going to be naughty, naughty is ok so long as you don’t get caught.

Yes, and I stand by that philosophy but don’t try and pin your situation on me.

I’m not Mum I just realise the importance now of not getting caught.

I remember also telling you when you got older, I don’t care what you do just tell me what you’re doing. (sigh) Not sure I still stand by that one.

Ok son, before I start the reading, we need to do the laundry as such, make sure there is no proof, no accounts, no records of your wheeling and dealing.

No there is no hard copy, I jot it down, memorise and compartmentalize it.

(Memorise mmm that concerns me.) Jot it down on what exactly?

In my little black notebook.

What do you jot down?

(vaguely) Basic business stuff…

(urgently)Like for example?

Targets. Projections. Results.

Shit Harry…Hand it over!

Mum it’s in my head.

Yeah like a phantom secretary I know, I know. Harry if you get caught those entries can be retrieved!

Mum it’s not real it doesn’t have a goddamn soul.

(mumbling) Ah but it can leave a print.

(huff) Mum you’re being weird.

Surprise surprise Harry, it passed through congress, the ruling that a judge can order a procedure where a chip can be inserted into the brain and upload stored memory. It is believed to be a breakthrough in white collar crime, let alone the long-awaited scientific access into the world of psychology. (shrug) Technology huh!

Mum you’re rambling!

Right sorry love…is there anything that could implicate your members?

Just a few numbers in my phone under bogus names.

Right ditch the phone ditch the association.

What?

You need to fly solo for a while…loyalty is a long-term thing. Now son, indulge me a minute…

I want you to imagine a computer, open it onto the scam-traders association page whether it exists or not… then click on ‘memberships’ then ‘select all’ and push the ‘unsubscribe’ button. Do it! (pause)

Ok done!

Great, always remember Harry the imagination is more powerful than memory. Right stay with me, are you still with me?

Yes Mum, I’m with you.

Now hand the actual little black book to me and trust it will be destroyed…imagine it is in your back pocket. Bring it into real time!

(closes his eyes for a moment) Ok. How are you going to destroy it?

In the fire tonight, left to burn till morning (sniggering) to be sure no trace of DNA

Ha very funny mum was that a joke?

Yep, always willing to be misunderstood.

Ha cool!

Cool we are in the zone. Consider your reading as begun…

I’m going to start talking quickly, shall do my best to be as strategic as possible, don’t try to remember what I say, my words will pass through you and you will meet up with them when you need to.

Plan is…Listen closely. Destination Vanuatu.

A cruise liner leaves the quay in the next few days.

Chummy up to the man with the white van…

Your ticket out of here lays low behind, below as Car Go.

The van man will accept money to drive you round the island, familiarize you with the initial business you need to take care of.

Wear a ‘statement’ shell around your neck and deepen your tan to pass yourself off as cross-native, helps build trust.

You will need to bunny hop frequently by sea across two islands. Easiest way to enter countries without a passport. I am speculating here on New Caledonia and New Zealand.

I see you do not relinquish a criminal mind to be an everyday Joe.

Your strong hold will be in forgery and drug trafficking that’d be the connections made with men of the sea…

Oh dear I can’t believe I just said that.

Harry, in third world countries it is called a foundation not a company. So, get started, if you spill some of your good fortune into the communities you dwell, it serves you uncompromised protection.

That is all I got my love.

Wow thanks mum you’re the best.

Oh, one last thing to guarantee smooth sailing it’d be wise to pay double the bounty on your head yearly so your dear mother can maintain the quality of life she’s accustomed to, think of it as good karma taxes and the opportunity for me to build on the momentum of $20000…agree?

Agreed!

Thank you.

Right, I best head over to the apartment, I assume you will wait till I get back.

Yep, then I got to split. I’m leaving my car here.

What am I supposed to do with it?

Has Isabelle got her license yet?

No, still about a month away.

Go online and transfer it into her name.

Can it be traced back to you?

Nah it was purchased under a stolen identity; registration papers are in the glove box. Everyone remembers how they got their first car. It’s the least a big brother can do.

How sweet of you son, now let me give you a hug. I love you Harry.

I love you too.

You got this!

Oh almost forgot what’s the code to open the safe

It’s your birthday 12121975

That’s not my birthday.

Yes, it is just imagine, you’re five years younger.

Ooh I like that!

Thought you might!