The System Is Broken

“The system is broken” four words that people hear on a daily basis but truly have no idea the magnitude of their meaning. I was one of those people until I lived the horrifying truth that is behind them. My story is not a fairytale but one of strength and bravery taking on the task of fighting a system that was designed to protect you, a system that in one sentence tells you that you are a victim and in the next that what has happened is just “not enough”.

On February 6, 2021 after 8 years of physical, mental and emotional abuse I finally found the strength within myself to stand up and say no more, not only for me but for my two little boys who were growing up seeing all of this. For people who have lived through Domestic Abuse, you know how much strength it takes to finally get out. After 8 years of being put down, beat up, called names, made to believe that everything that was happening to me was my fault, having my life threatened if I called for help, etc. I had finally had enough. I contacted the police and this time stood my ground; however, I had no idea the can of worms that I had just opened.

For days I was subjected to photographs, documenting the bruising all over my body from the physical abuse and showing the progression of my injuries, because my fear, my statement and the multiple previous phone calls to police, where I was too scared to stand up for myself was “not enough”. It took 13 days for the Bluffton Police Department to finally “arrest” him, the quotation marks are because he was given the opportunity to turn himself in at 4:00 am on February 19, 2021 and was released at 8:00 am that same morning. During the 13-day period that he was allowed to do whatever he wanted, I was again victimized by him coming into the home and stealing many of my personal items, things that meant so much to me, out of revenge. Items that as of today I still have not gotten back.

Throughout the next year I was in what I thought was the fight of my life. I had to continuously repeat my story and relive the trauma over and over to so many people I have lost count. My entire goal was to protect my children in whatever way that I possibly could. During this process I found out that the physical abuse I had to endure had absolutely no bearing on anything involving the children and the words “just because he will beat the hell out of you does not mean he will hurt the kids” were said to me on many occasions. During Mediation I was asked “when are you going to let him be a father” for simply trying to put safeguards in place since I alone knew exactly what he was capable of. I was subjected to psychological evaluations and had to provide tangible proof of everything that had transpired just because he said something was untrue or said something about me. My words and documented experience meant literally nothing, and I was made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the actual victim that I was.

Not only was the divorce process traumatic but I was also victimized by the County itself due to the fact that he is a county employee. I was told that I was not allowed to be at any EMS station due to him having bond restrictions for physically abusing me, so now rights that are provided to every single tax paying citizen were taken away from me, the victim. He was also stationed at the EMS facility that services my new home, furthering the diminishment of my rights. Why in the world would I get into an ambulance with someone who has physically abused me and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions, providing him with complete access to an array of drugs that could "accidentally" end up in my iv? When I called about this I was told, “we wish you would have expressed your concerns sooner”. I am the victim, he is the one with bond restrictions, you all are the ones that are keeping him employed, why is it my responsibility to make sure that I am safe from the very same people who are employed to ensure my safety or tasked with saving my life? After I made this complaint a police report was filed in-regard-to me “harassing” his workplace, even though I simply called to protect myself.

Stay tuned for part 2!