The System Is Broken

“The system is broken” four words that people hear daily but truly have no idea the magnitude of their meaning. I was one of those people until I lived the horrifying truth that is behind them. My story is not a fairytale but one of strength and bravery taking on the task of fighting a system that was designed to protect you, a system that in one sentence tells you that you are a victim and in the next that what has happened is just “not enough”.

On February 6, 2021, after 8 years of physical, mental, and emotional abuse I finally found the strength within myself to stand up and say no more, not only for me but for my two little boys who were growing up seeing all of this. For people who have lived through Domestic Abuse, you know how much strength it takes to finally get out. After 8 years of being put down, beat up, called names, made to believe that everything that was happening to me was my fault, having my life threatened if I called for help, etc. I had finally had enough. I contacted the police, and this time stood my ground; however, I had no idea the can of worms that I had just opened.

For days I was subjected to photographs, documenting the bruising all over my body from the physical abuse and showing the progression of my injuries, because my fear, my statement, and the multiple previous phone calls to police, where I was too scared to stand up for myself was “not enough”. It took 13 days for the Bluffton Police Department to finally “arrest” him, the quotation marks are because he was given the opportunity to turn himself in at 4:00 am on February 19, 2021 and was released at 8:00 am that same morning. During the 13-day period that he was allowed to do whatever he wanted, I was again victimized by him coming into the home and stealing many of my personal items, things that meant so much to me, out of revenge. Items that as of today I still have not gotten back. (Reference Bluffton Police Incident Report 21BP07222)

Throughout the next year I was in what I thought was the fight of my life. I had to continuously repeat my story and relive the trauma over and over to so many people I have lost count. My entire goal was to protect my children in whatever way that I possibly could. During this process I found out that the physical abuse I had to endure had absolutely no bearing on anything involving the children and the words “just because he will beat the hell out of you does not mean he will hurt the kids” were said to me on many occasions. During Mediation I was asked “when are you going to let him be a father” for simply trying to put safeguards in place since I alone knew exactly what he was capable of. I was subjected to psychological evaluations and had to provide tangible proof of everything that had transpired just because he said something was untrue or said something about me. My words and documented experience meant literally nothing, and I was made to feel like the perpetrator instead of the actual victim that I was.

Not only was the divorce process traumatic but I was also victimized by the County itself because he is a county employee. I was told that I was not allowed to be at any EMS station due to him having bond restrictions for physically abusing me, so now rights that are provided to every single tax paying citizen were taken away from me, the victim. He was also stationed at the EMS facility that services my new home, furthering the diminishment of my rights. Why in the world would I get into an ambulance with someone who has physically abused me and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions, providing him with complete access to an array of drugs that could accidently end up in my iv? When I called about this I was told, “we wish you would have expressed your concerns sooner”. I am the victim, he is the one with bond restrictions, you all are the ones that are keeping him employed, why is it my responsibility to make sure that I am safe from the very same people who are employed to ensure my safety or tasked with saving my life? After I made this complaint a police report was filed in-regard-to me “harassing” his workplace, even though I simply called to protect myself. (Reference Bluffton Police Incident Report 22BP15463)

After months of back and forth as well as $37,000 in legal fees, I was finally granted a divorce on February 16, 2022, with full physical custody of my children and I thought that I would be able to start moving on with my life. Man was I wrong.

My ex-husband was indicted on the Domestic Violence charge in March of 2022, yes you read that right, over a year after the abuse and arrest, he was indicted and yet we still have no set court date. (Reference Beaufort County Court Indictment 2021GS0700329)

Things continued to decline, as he violated our custody agreement multiple times, and my children began to receive the brunt of everything. On April 18, 2022, my boys spent Spring Break with their father and upon their return, the things that they told involving drug use, alcohol use, and abuse concerned me greatly, so I started reaching out for help. I contacted Beaufort County DSS to try and see what options were available and after telling the intake person what had been happening, I was told that a case was being opened.

On May 1, 2022, I picked up my children at the Bluffton Police Station after they had spent the weekend with their father. My 4-year-old son got into the car with a busted lip and a fingerprint bruise on his backside which was the result of the physical abuse that he endured while he was with his father. I contacted DSS who instructed me to make a police report and schedule a doctor’s appointment, both of which I did. Now remember, from April 18th to May 1st I had not met with anyone from DSS and had only spoken with them on the phone, no one had spoken with my children, and nothing had been done. This provided a week and a half when something could have been done but ultimately ended up with my son being physically harmed again. (Reference Bluffton Police Incident Report 22BP19946)

May 3, 2022 was the first time anyone with DSS spoke to my children or came to my home. My children again and in great detail described everything that has happened to them not only the physical abuse, but this conversation also included things that they were subjected to while in the care of their father. This is now the third time they had to re-live the trauma. I was told that DSS would be going to their father’s home on May 5, 2022, and by 12:30 pm that day they were still unable to locate him. Out of fear for my children, knowing what their father was capable of when he was angry, I went and picked them up from school and took them somewhere safe. After picking up my children and getting them to a safe space I headed back to work where I passed my ex-husband going the opposite direction down May River Road. He turned around on May River Road and proceeded to chase me down that road, onto Buck Island Road, across Bluffton Parkway, back onto Buck Island Road and up to the gate where I work. I called 911 and was begging for someone to get to me because I did not know what he was going to do, not to mention he thought I had the boys with me so chasing me would have been putting the boys in danger because of him once again. A police report was filed, and the traffic cameras were pulled documenting his actions and everything was sent into the solicitor’s office since this action was a violation of his bond restrictions. Even though there is a police report, traffic camera video, a video that he took himself, a 911 call of me screaming for help and two eyewitnesses that watched him flip around in the middle of the road and come after me, I was told in August or 2022 (84 days after the incident) that the prosecuting attorney just does not think that a bond violation will stand. (Reference Bluffton Police Incident Report 21BP07222 – Supplements by Officer Luechtefield and Officer Lambert)

After they were able to meet with him at his home, I was told that nothing was found within his home when DSS went in even though my children, in great detail, provided locations and information about multiple firearms and illegal items. After further research, it was found that not only did they “not find anything” but that the police never even went into his home even though they had all this information. Also remember that as a County Employee within the EMS system, he has a radio, which is always on and provided him with knowledge of the police and DSS coming to his home the minute that the call went out. Having this knowledge afforded him plenty of time to remove any of the items my children stated were in the home. However, having the knowledge that day was not necessary since the case workers father is a Bluffton Firefighter who works with my ex-husband.

On May 6, 2022, I went to the Beaufort County Magistrate Court in Bluffton and tried to get a restraining order, now that he violated his bond and so that we were protected but I was denied because I have full physical custody of the boys and anything regarding them must go through family court. I tried to get an emergency hearing through Family Court to protect the boys but because the divorce was already settled and signed by the judge, and DSS was still investigating and not providing a recommendation at the time, I was told that my only option would be to file for an emergency hearing, requesting a Guardian ad litem to start an investigation. Doing this would ultimately resulting in re-opening the entire case that I just spent $37,000 on. In order to do this, I was facing another $30,000 - $60,000 in legal fees. Please remember that I am a victim, my children are victims, but I, as a single mother working full time to make ends meet and provide my children with the life they deserve, would have to find $30,000 - $60,000 with only the hope for a change and prayer that it does not backfire on me due to the “good ole boy” system and him being an employee of the county which has already shown that they do not care about the victims of their employees.

Due to the fact that my children provided details of illegal substances in conjunction with their father we were all required to take drug tests, which was perfectly fine, however, he was provided 30-days to take this test even though at this point we were already 26 days from the last reported use and providing another 30-days (56 days total) meant that as long as he did not do any substances during that time, the testing would come back clean. Now knowing the direct connection to my ex-husband, I know why this amount of time was provided.

During this time, my youngest son was having a very hard time and was very scared. This caused behavior issues at daycare and at home. He was extremely fearful of his father getting him, to the point that he would ask the front office team to check the doors and watch for his dad’s truck. This fear and anxiety resulted in me having to leave work on 5 different occasions over a two-week span to pick him up because he did not feel safe. (Reference letter from Lowcountry Day Daycare and Preschool)

On May 10, 2022, my children did not want to speak with their father due to everything that had happened. Their father continued to call repeatedly after being asked not to and letting him know how it was affecting the boys (my oldest son was starting to hyperventilate from the fear). After the 10th back-to-back call my 8-year-old and 4-year-old started screaming to call the police. I contacted Bluffton Police Department to report the repeated calls. An officer responded and completed the report as well as looked at the messages from our family wizard where Robert was asked to stop multiple times. (Reference Bluffton Police Incident Report 22BP21756)

Between May 5th and May 27th, the initial case worker (with direct connection to my ex-husband) left DSS and we were assigned a new case worker. Unfortunately for us, this meant basically starting over. All the documentation that was already provided, all the photos, all the notes, everything, had to be provided again because the giant case folder that the previous caseworker had was nowhere to be found.

The boys were scheduled for a Forensic Interview on May 27, 2022 and during that time, due to the court ordered visitation schedule, I had to continue to send my children to be with their father even though they were begging me not to go, telling everyone that they are scared, telling all of the right people their story and still nothing was being done to protect them. If I did not send them, I was at risk of being in contempt of court. All of these people who were able to go home and go to bed at night while I was getting asked questions like “Mommy, why does no one care enough about us to help us” or “Mommy, why does everyone act like what daddy did to us is ok” from my 8-year-old.

On May 27, 2022, my boys completed their Forensic Interview which lasted over 3 hours and caused them to relive once again everything that they have had to endure. We were supposed to leave the interview and I was supposed to hand the boys over to their father for the entire weekend. When I arrived at the Bluffton Police Station my oldest son refused to go with his father, he told two police officers that he did not want to go with and that he did not want to speak with his father at that time. Bluffton Police Department did not document this encounter, only listed it in their system as an escort.

Through-out this entire investigation a safety plan was never once put in place even though I constantly requested for one to protect my children.

I finally received the indication in the case and DSS indicated my ex-husband for physical and mental abuse of the children. The crazy part to me is that I was indicated for mental abuse of my oldest child due to an argument with my words. They left out the part where the two arguments that my son spoke about in his interview resulted in physical violence towards me. The first ended with me being choked until I almost passed out, where my son was running toward the door saying he had to get help which is why he remembers it so clearly and the second resulted in me being thrown down a flight of stairs. My ex-husband has been indicted on Domestic Violence charges for this incident. Not once did DSS tell me that I was being investigated, not once were allegations made against me and the only thing that I signed with DSS was the paperwork stating that they were opening an investigation based on the allegations of abuse against my ex-husband. The email from the center where my children completed their forensic interview even stated that absolutely no alleged offenders were allowed on the property, considering that I took my boys not only to this interview as well as their medical exam on June 2nd, I was not being considered an abuser.

I appealed the indication in writing and sent the letter to the appeals department in Columbia, SC via certified mail. (Reference DSS Indication Letter and Letter of Appeal)

On May 31, 2022 in my driveway and in front of my children, I was served with Court Documents stating that I am required to appear in court due to my contempt of the visitation schedule. So now, I get to go back to court, pay more fees and possibly be required to pay fines and/or spend 6 months in jail for trying to keep my babies safe when no one else would.

June 8, 2022, I received a call from Detective Lancaster with Bluffton Police Department who told me that they do not see probable cause for arrest. How can these people have so much documentation including:

1. Bluffton Police Report Documenting Domestic Violence and Grand Jury Indictment

2. Bluffton Police Report Documenting Physical Abuse of the Children

3. Bluffton Police Report Documenting Harassment

4. Bluffton Police Report Documenting Bond Violation

5. A full CPS Investigation which has now been indicated that he has physically abused the children

6. A Forensic Interview of the children through Hopeful Horizons

7. A diagnosis of Physical Abuse from MUSC Children’s Hospital via a Forensic Medical Exam

8. A medical report from the boys Primary Care Provider which also led their provider to place a call to CPS

9. Counseling notes from the boys Counselor

10. A Letter from the boys’ daycare documenting my sons fear and anxiety

11. A photo that my son drew of his father holding a gun and myself and both of my boys laying in pools of blood.

12. A note that my 8-year-old wrote to his father telling him why he was scared and asking him not to hurt him and his brother anymore.

After more repeated requests a "safety plan" requesting no corporal punishment was signed by my ex-husband on June 11, 2022. When I picked up my 4-year-old son on June 12th, he told me that his daddy hit him again. I immediately reached out to DSS to report this incident and on June 13th my son facetimed the case worker and told her that his dad hit him. I was finally told at the end of July 2022 that the assault was done on June 10th before signing the safety plan on June 11th, so my ex-husband did not violate anything, even though this indicated physical abuser again physical assaulted my son, DSS was more concerned with the day that my son was assaulted instead of the actual assault.

I met with the DSS Director Ty Murray, a Supervisor Susan Fosberry, and the Legal Representative Thomas Shealy on June 20, 2022. I requested answers regarding why a safety plan was not put in place until June 11th and why nothing has been done in regard to him violating it. I was met with the excuse of my caseworker going on vacation. I was also promised that Mrs. Murray herself would meet with my ex-husband when he returned from his summer trip with my children and recommend a safety plan with supervised visitation. THIS WAS NOT DONE MORE FALSE PROMISES. I also told them that I had appealed my indication through the proper channels.

The day after meeting with the DSS office, a letter was typed and sent to me stating that the Director looked over my file but their decision to indicate me stands and she was submitting my case to Family Court. There is no way that the Director had time to review my entire case file, over 200 pages, and send a letter upholding the decision the very next day. Not against my husband for everything that he has done and continues to do but against me. When I called and asked her what the letter meant she told me that I would get the opportunity to tell my case to a judge and they can decide about my indication. This IS NOT PROCEDURE for appeals. The procedure for the appeals process is clearly listed on the DSS website and on July 1st I received a letter from the Appeals Department letting me know that I would be receiving more information regarding my Administrative Hearing with them. This is in fact proper procedure so why exactly is the Director over-stepping her authority and trying to take me to family court? I have asked her, but she refuses to respond.

I have also requested my file, which is my right, 4 times in writing since June 21st and did not receive it until July 15, 2022, and upon receipt DSS willfully left the Safety Plan out of the file.

From June 21, 2022 to June 30, 2022 my ex-husband was allowed to leave the state with my children that he had now physically assaulted more than once. During this trip he provided me with false flight information, a false address where my boys would be staying and did not properly restrain my 8-year-old son via his booster seat as required by South Carolina State Law and Minnesota State Law (which is where they were). DSS was informed about this willful endangerment and still nothing was done.

On July 15, 2022, I went to the DSS office and demanded a new caseworker for my children’s case after finding out that Caseworker Kennedy Thomas was providing my ex-husband with ways to help him in court as well as providing him confidential information regarding my children, furthering the danger that they were already in. When confronted with this, Kennedy Thomas blamed my 8-year-old child for “being nosey” and listening to her conversation with their father instead of taking responsibility for violating her moral, ethical and contractual duty as a Caseworker for the Department of Social Services.

July 21, 2022, at 3:00 pm I entered a court room to defend myself against contempt charges of withholding my children for two 4 hours visitations, the Monday afternoon and Thursday afternoon following the initial physical assault of my 4-year-old son. As a mother, I have a moral and legal obligation to protect my children at all costs which is what I was doing, allowing the proper authorities (DSS and Bluffton PD) the time to investigate the case. My defense was true regarding the withholding being done to protect my children. Unfortunately, due to DSS willfully withholding the copy to the signed safety plan, my ex-husband and his attorney were afforded the opportunity to lie under oath and state that there was never a safety plan in place, resulting in it looking like I had no reason to protect my boys because DSS had done nothing. I was held in willful contempt of a court order and fined $2,000.

On July 22, 2022, I sent a formal written request to DSS asking several questions about my children’s case and once again requesting a copy of the Safety Plan that was willfully and wrongfully left out of the case file that I finally received on July 15, 2022. DSS Legal Representative Thomas Shealy refused to respond to any of my questions even though they directly correlate with information relevant to my children’s case and they are legally required to answer. (Reference Formal Request Letter to DSS and Email Correspondence)

July 22, 2022, through July 31, 2022, my children had to go spend another 10 days with their father. This time they were taken to Ohio and Michigan (last time my ex-husband went to Michigan he spent over $500 in a marijuana shop), upon their return my 8-year-old told me that his father once again hit him as well as got in his face asking him repeatedly if he wanted to fight. This was a direct violation of the safety plan put in place and signed on June 11, 2022. I reached out to the DSS casework and let her know about this incident. DSS interviewed my children at their daycare, interviewed their father and then met to discuss the assault.

On August 4, 2022, I was told that DSS was waiting to hear of a confirmed court date, hopefully to be held within 4-6 weeks. This is outrageous considering this is the 3rd time since the DSS case was opened that Robert has assaulted my children. After repeatedly asking what the plan was regarding court, emergency, or non-emergency removal of the children from Robert, I was informed that neither was being done. Instead, the entire case was being taken to court so that the judge can determine a treatment plan that will help “preserve the family” and “create a more harmonious co-parenting relationship”. Once again showing that the organization designed to protect children from abuse is more concerned about a harmonious co-parenting relationship than they are about two little boys being repeatedly assaulted by their father. You cannot fix years of abuse with a couple of online classes.

Everyone involved in this case is fully aware of the fear and anxiety (including sever anxiety attacks) that my children are going through. Everyone has seen the photos, read the documents, talked with my boys, heard their story, yet still to date nothing has been done to keep them safe. My children have lost faith in the police department because their father told them that he knows all of the police. They have lost faith in a lot of people who promised that they were there to help them throughout this process because they are begging for help, telling their story over and over and still nothing is being done.

So “the system is broken” YES.

I would like to know which one of the many, many people that my children have told their story too, are going to be the one to look into the eyes of two innocent children and tell them that what they have endured just is “not enough”. That their fear, their blood, their bruises just are not enough to do anything about. That they do not matter enough. Even though their father has a track record of violence proven by police reports, grand jury indictments, DSS indications, etc.

What else do they have to endure for it to be enough?

Who gets to decide what is enough?

What happens to the poor babies, whose single mommies cannot afford to pay the extreme costs “the system” has put on their children’s lives?

When did “the system” become more about who has the most money instead of what is best for the children involved?

Which one of these people is going to stand up and take the blame when “not enough” turns into burying one of these babies?

We have already buried too many children because their stories, bruises, fears and anxieties were “not enough”. We have already watched evil men and women get away with everything short of murder because they did not completely cross the “not enough” line. At what point are we, the victims, going to matter more than the money flowing into the court system and county?

How comes up with the price tag put on the safety of these kids?

I for one may only be a “victim” in the eyes of the “broken system” but the truth of the matter is I am a survivor, my children are survivors and through this entire process we will continue to stand and fight for every single “victim” who is told that what they have had to endure is just “not enough”.

It is time for a change.

It is time for the “good ole boy” system in this county/town to come apart at the seams.

It is time for people to actually feel safe and not victims of the County/Town that they pay taxes to.

Something has to be done!

How do you think the public will feel when they find out that someone who is employed to help them in their time of need is the very same person that has been indicted on Domestic Violence charges and found to have physically harmed his children?

I did not move to this county/town to take on backwards politics but as a mother of victims, as a victim, as a tax paying citizen, I will do whatever it takes to keep my children safe, including going public against a corrupt system not acting in the best interest of the citizens.