Executed Love

A single tear drips down his face as he begins the story. It seemed like it had been two years since we had got a night on the town. Our sweet baby girl almost one now, and just starting to walk. I looked at my wife as we entered the house. She was so beautiful! I could not believe how lucky we were. I could hear Dorothy crying so I headed up the stairs. “wonder what has got my little Dotty upset?” I thought. When I walked into the nursery, it was as though my heart had stopped beating. Everything was going in slow motion. My mind could not comprehend what my eyes were seeing? There he was with his mouth on... At that moment. Before I knew what had happened. I jerked him back and punched him right in the mouth! The next hit caught his nose I felt it crack beneath my fist. I could hear my wife screaming in the background, but I could not stop! He was screaming. she was screaming. I could do nothing but cry and hit. This man, who had violated my baby girl. At some point, I realized all the screaming had stopped. Now I was crouched over the lifeless body of my wife’s brother David. I had to get him out of my house. So, I picked him up on my shoulder carried him down the stairs. I could feel the warm sticky blood draining down my back. Where are my Keys? My head was swimming! My car keys were gone, along with Julie. I found his keys threw him in his car and headed to the river. My mind swirling with rage then I see it, the blunt in the ashtray. I need to calm down! What am I going to do? I picked it up several hits later I see the lights flashing in the mirror. When I pulled over and tried to explain no one would listen. After searching the car, the police found several pounds of meth packed ready for delivery. They also found David’s Dead body. I was facing trial for possession and murder. The combination of a felony and murder put the death sentence on the table. I never saw Julie or Dotty again. When they placed me in my cell on death row, the warden delivered a Moleskine Black Uptown Leather-Bound Notebook, a pen, and a letter.

Dear Jay

I do not have the words to say but maybe you can work your anger out in this journal.

Bye forever.

Julie

The next ten years seem like a blur I was so angry. Everyone knew I would kill over that little black book. I had developed quite a reputation. I wrote to my daughter every day in the journal. About three years in I stopped spending money in my commissary account a lot of it from activists against the death sentence. I was not sure how much. I had written anyone who would listen. Even though they stood against the act of execution my story was irrelevant.

No one believed me. After twelve years of fighting for what I felt was justice. I finally found peace, thanks to the Chaplin. It did not matter anymore no one believed me God did. He forgives me. In the end, absolution was not what was needed, only to know I was still loved despite my reaction to this unimaginable act. Two wrongs never make it right. I had to learn to love myself again.

I had almost spent my entire 401k from the job in the oil fields. Fighting to be heard. Now I was done. The warden promised after my execution all my prison money would go into a cashier check for my daughter and he would seal the check between the middle two pages of my journal before handed it over to the lawyers. The lawyers had appealed many times to no avail. Now it is over. I am ready to meet my maker. The last of the 401K would be used to find my daughter, and make sure she gets this little leather black book. Then on the last page I wrote my farewell.

Dear Dotty

I love you with all my heart! I am so deeply sorry for leaving you without a father. If you have read through this book you know the circumstances. Looking back, I would say it is no excuse for my actions and not worth it. This act to protect you left you unprotected for many years. I have prayed for you every day. I want you to know I have finally found peace with God my sweet girl.

I caution you walk not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of the scornful. But find your delight is in the law of the Lord; and in His law meditate day and night. Then one day we can be together in Heaven.

Love you always.

Your Dad Jay

It took the lawyers about two years to find Dotty. They tracked her to Bay City High School. They knew her birthday was yesterday, and she was now eighteen. This allowed them to make contact without a guardian. After the principal pulled Dorothy from class, they sat in a conference room and explained the circumstances and her father’s dying wish. All she had been told by her mom was her dad and uncle David died the same day.

Dotty came home from school when she laid her books on the bar. Julie noticed the black journal. The minute Julie seen the leather-bound journal although it was worn, she knew it belonged to Jay.

“WHERE DID YOU GET THAT! “she screamed. The night came flooding back, tears rolling uncontrollably.

“What!” “What is wrong mom.”

The journal! Said Julie crying.

So, Dorothy told her the story what the lawyers had said. And then she said, “mom I think you need to read it”.

Tearfully they sat together reading the words. Then as Julie continued turning pages, something was off. it took a few minutes until they realized the middle page was carefully glued together then written on. Something was between the pages! They got a razor blade to investigate. Between the pages They found the cashier’s check for $20,000. “MOM!” “I can get my car to drive to college now!” “Thanks to Dad”

“Yes baby” “you can” “Thank you Jay.”