Car Owner Virus

I collected the boy from his friends house, after school, and popped into the Sainsbury’s local supermarket, which after the panic buying, looked as if it had been pillaged by the Viking’s. I got home and drove around for a parking space, of which there were none. In one of the nearby streets, which were awash with spaces, there is an hour restriction between 7 - 8 pm, and as it was 7.30 pm and we were in the middle of a worldwide pandemic, I tried my luck and my old van came to a rest, and we wearily got out and headed indoors, to hear the Lockdown Latest from Boris.

About 30 minutes later, I realised I had left the evenings repast in the van, which due to the bare supermarket shelves, was looking to be a meal of crisps, wine gums, and exotic Solero ice lollies.

I saw the familiar green and white of a ticket, tucked under the worn wiper blade, as I approached the illegally parked van. I was pleasantly proud of my local authority, for giving their loyal workforce, as many hours as possible before the army moved in and martial law was maybe declared. Being as happy as I was, for the initiative and hard work ethic, that the Civil Enforcement officer had shown, I publicly thanked no 975 on Facebook with the following post.

It wasn’t long till some comments appeared, which although were in contrast to my high praise, they felt supportive, which was a sign that we were all pulling together in these difficult times.

I understand that obviously I had broken the law, (its a fair cop guv). I am admittedly a repeat offender, and currently have four appeals awaiting decision. I mainly obtain my tickets on a Tuesday or Thursday evening, as this is when the spaces are all taken by the Jehovahs Witnesses, who congregate to their Kingdom Hall Church a few doors away. I am not proud of my actions, and hope that I can get the help I need in dealing with my ne’er-do-well attitude.

However I have challenged the PCN violation, and I also shared this news with my very few Facebook friends.

I believed it important to give the Council a bit of free publicity for their industrious endeavours, in fighting the War on Terrible Parking, and with the power of prose, I think I’ve done that. They are obviously struggling to control this epidemic, as my city is at the top of the league for issuing parking tickets. If only our football team could manage that.

On submitting my online appeal, I realised that my whole defence is that I have no defence, other than there were many more cars parked in the pay and display spaces than normal. Which I put down to the heed the patriotic public had paid to our Prime Minister about social distancing and self isolation. Also that the only nearby available spaces were in the street where I’d parked, which was eerily empty. I’m not sure as to whether the council have a received an appeal, in the form of a poem before. I’m also not to optimistic, about winning. I mean if they still have their street militia, patrolling at 7.42pm on a Thursday night, ( by the way, the Jehovah’s had even stayed home ). Then the council obviously need the money. I now have the obligatory 4 - 6 week waiting time, for the outcome.

So on the Councils behalf, I felt the need to highlight their stirling attempts, to keep the coffers coming in. Even though the Government have pledged billions to help people and businesses, through this life threatening, life changing, worldwide state of panic and fear. It’s good to know that for Brighton and Hove Council, it’s business as usual.