Was I Really That Pathetic

There are moments in life when you look back and you ask yourself, 'What was I thinking?' Believe me I've done this a lot when remembering things I've done. However, there is once incident that stands out as my most desperate, yet humorous.

It was Valentine's Day in New Jersey, and it had rained the night before. The ground was a mix between ice, water, and mud. The air felt like you were inside a cloud, with microscopic droplets of water eventually saturating your clothes.

Since it was a dreary night, I decided that it would be a great night to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years, and show him what Valentine's Day was supposed to be like. He had told me he thought the whole idea of Valentine's Day was created by retailers to bolster their income between Christmas and Mother's Day. It was just an excuse to sell candy, flowers, and the like, and that it had nothing to do with love. My idea for the night was to cozy up by the fireplace, with our favorite romantic music playing in the background. No gifts were needed, just each other's company.

I packed an overnight bag, put on my jeans, a thin, sexy top, and jumped into the car and drove 45 minutes to his apartment. The street lights had just flickered on when I got to his apartment complex. I was giddy thinking how he was going to be so happy to see me, since we hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks.

When I got to the street his apartment was on, I began looking for a parking spot. It was a big complex, and parking was not assigned. However, I did not find any parking close to his apartment. As I drifted past the sidewalk to his apartment, I saw him and another woman walking next to each other toward his door. I just stopped the car, and looked on in disbelief as they entered his apartment. It felt like time stopped. I don't think I drew a breath for a few seconds. My heart shattered on the spot. When I finally started breathing again, it was with great gasps, with tears spilling out like a waterfall from each eye.

My mind was all over the place. What should I do? I could drive away and never speak to him again. I could call him and scream at him on the phone, or voice mail. I could play dumb, and knock on his door and make him feel awkward. That's what I should have done! But no, I decided to park my car across the street in an adjacent spot from his building. I backed into the parking spot, so I could see his apartment from my front windshield, instead of my rear-view mirror. I did not know what I was watching for or even why, I just was.

About an hour went by before I saw the two of them get in his car and leave. I figured that they were going out for dinner. I thought of following them to see where they went, but then what would I do. So while they were gone, I decided to scout the area around his apartment a little more than I ever had before. What I found was that there was about two feet of space, between the building and the three feet high bushes in front of his bedroom window. Perfect I thought, I can crawl behind the bushes and spy on him, and I won't be seen.

I returned to my car and waited until they came back, from what was probably dinner. Then I walked nonchalantly over to his apartment, and creeped behind the bushes on my hands and knees. What was a plus for me, was that the wall mounted air conditioner was in the wall that I was hiding in front of. This allowed me to hear almost every word they said to each other while they were in bed. I even got bold enough to stand up and peep between the mini blinds a couple of times when the lights were on.

I stayed outside the window for over two hours. My knees and hands were cold and wet from the damp ground, and I was shivering because I had only worn a light coat with a thin blouse. I heard phwua sounds of kissing lips, mixed in with him reciting poems to her from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran.

I could have left my protected spy post on several occasions. At one point, I thought I was going to have to. I had accidentally brushed up against the grates on the air conditioner, which I knew they heard. However, I stayed for some reason, punishing myself. I thought I had done the most humiliating thing by staying out on the icy, wet, and muddy ground on my hands and knees for over two hours, listening to my boyfriend cuddle with another woman on Valentine's Day. I cried silent tears for what I had witnessed that night, and for myself for what I was doing. How pathetic can you get, I thought.

I was still in the mud on my hands and knees, when I heard a rattling of a chain, and sniffing from a dog. Oh shit what do I do? Just stay put and don't move a muscle. The dog and his owner will just move on, I thought. Wrong!

"What is it boy, what do you smell? Is there something in the bushes?" The dog's owner asked excitedly. "Get em boy!"

I played opossum for what seemed like an eternity, but I knew I had to do something. The annoying man and his really annoying dog, were not going away. "Pssp, pssp, pssp! Here kitty, kitty. Whiskers, where are you?" I called out as I stood up from behind the bushes.

"Oh, a person!" said the man in a startled tone. "I was expecting a rabbit or cat, or some other critter."

"No, it's just me. I was looking for my lost cat. I thought I saw her go into the bushes here." I lied.

"You were down there an awful long time. Why didn't you come up when you realized it was me and my dog?"

I panicked and felt like running away! Not only was I feeling humiliated, now I was embarrassed as hell! My mind raced trying to find a plausible answer. "I thought if the cat was in there, that she might get scared and run away when she heard the dog. So I stayed down there so she'd feel safer, in case she was down there."

"Do you want us to help you find her? What does she look like?"

I made up some description of a black and white cat. I pretended to look for her while this man, with the annoying dog and I walked around the apartment complex peering into bushes, and calling for a fictitious cat.

I finally pretended to give up when we were on the opposite side of the apartment complex. I was hoping he would not follow me back to where I supposedly lived. He didn't and we parted ways.

Now, the smart thing for me to do would have been to go back to my car and leave. Nope! I put myself through more torture in the bushes outside my boyfriend's apartment. I did find out that he did not sleep with her that night. She slept in his bed, while he slept on the couch in the living room. Small consolation considering my humility and stupidity.

I was still in the bushes when I heard the rattle of a dog chain again. I bolted so fast out of those bushes and into my car. I drove as quickly as I could away from there!