They Told Me I Was Brave and Brave People Don’t Need Help

I did not start therapy until I was 22 years old, despite struggling with my mental health for several years.

As a mental health professional, it seems strange that I waited so long.

In retrospect, I understand and emphasize with my younger self.

She was told repeatedly that she was brave and brave people did not need anyone’s help.

They were capable enough to overcome adversities by themselves. That is what made them stronger, better than others.

Asking for help was deemed as weak and nobody wanted to be treated as a weakling.

As a young child, I was often put on a high pedestal for my strong-headedness.

For me, the idea of bravery meant not crying when hurt.

I am still told stories of the time when I was a wee child who was learning to walk. As expected from an unstable toddler, I ended up stumbling, hitting my head on the road, and red blood started gushing out of the cut on my forehead.

(I still carry a scar from that accident)

At that time, I was too stunned to even utter a single word.

A handkerchief was pressed on my head and I was rushed to a doctor. A white bandaid was wrapped around my head to stop the blood flow.

During the entire process, I didn't cry.

Later, the same story was used to give evidence to the fact that I was brave and did not even cry after gallons of blood were running on my face.

If I am being honest, I felt really proud of my lack of tears and ‘bravery’ then.

As a society, we are uncomfortable with seeking professional help.

If you have a fever, first you are supposed to try some Ghar ka nuska (Home remedy), and then you think about approaching a doctor.

If you have diabetes, it is seen as a personal failure, and you and your lifestyle need to be blamed immediately.

(Not even giving two seconds to the role of genetic factors and trauma in diabetes)

An article by Vox mentions, “It’s the inverse of the follow all the rules and you won’t get sick mindset: If you get sick, it’s your own fault for not protecting yourself the way you should have.”

When it comes to mental health concerns, the situation takes a worse route. It is seen as something that should be in your control. (It is your mind. How hard can it be to control your mind? If you can’t control your mind, you are just weak.)

And working toward ‘toughening’ yourself is considered to be the most ideal scenario to deal with your mental health.

Seeking therapy is only deemed the last step in the entire process, once you have tried every single solution out there.

This entire belief system makes me question the idea of weakness and what should be considered to be bravery.

Why is only self-reliance seen as a strength, when going against the norm and getting therapy requires immense courage?

I have worked with clients who have fought against their families and friends to get a therapist for themselves.

In a culture where mental health concerns and therapy are such big taboos, isn't seeking help the biggest act of resistance? Of bravery?

Is not working to break generational patterns of trauma a brave thing?

Coming back to my story, having a therapist has helped me immensely.

It does not mean that they are solving all the problems for me, rather they are giving me a supportive, non-judgmental space to work through my concerns. A big chunk of work in therapy actually happens outside the therapy room. I have done several post-session tasks on my own as well.

Similarly, I am able to witness my client’s growth and resilience as well.

Working with a therapist doesn’t make you weak or weird or wrong. Tackling problems head-on, learning effective coping skills, and practicing those skills, even when it’s hard, building a healthier life are all signs of strength.