The Un-Slippery Slope

Okay, before I tell this story you have to promise two things; 1. DON'T JUDGE ME! and 2. You won't hold me responsible if you pee your pants from laughing hysterically in disbelief. We good? Alright, cool beans. Just so we're clear, I regret NOTHING about this day. It was a learning experience and it made for a tear jerking, hysterical story to retell in my adult life.

It was summer time Chi and the year was 2000. Goofy, 13 year old me was ecstatic because the day had finally come. I had been waiting weeks for our annual family trip to the Splash Down Dunes waterpark in Indiana. I was especially excited to be spending the day with two of my favorite cousins, Bianca and Ki-ki (names changed to protect privacy). We had triple dog dared each other to finally get up enough courage to ride "The Tower", a 68 ft. water slide with a very steep drop... major adrenaline rush! Who was gonna turn down a TRIPLE DARE?! Well, not I!

But the day of the trip we all ran into a slight issue, our menstrual cycles had started. Ugh! Now, me and Bianca was still fairly new to this whole period thing. Ki-ki was a little more seasoned than us. We moaned and groaned and pouted the whole way there, distraught that our plans had been thwarted by evil Mother Nature.

"I don't see what the big deal is, just wear a tampon jeez!" Ki-ki fussed.

"A TAMPON??? Don't we have to like, stick it up... there?" Bianca inquired.

"UH-UH! I am not losing my virginity to a cotton stick!" I exclaimed.

Oh, the naïve and imaginative minds of young teenage girls *sigh*. Bianca and I decided that we would take our chances with the water filled pads and panty liners so that we could ride on the slide, and in the mean time just remain content with splashing around in the sprinkler park with our younger siblings. "I'm not wasting my whole day" Ki-ki mumbled as she strolled to the bathroom to put in her tampon.

A few hours later, as me and Bianca basked in the hot summer sun, Ki-Ki pranced over to us with a huge grin on her face. It was time. We went to the restroom to put on fresh pads and then made our way to the slide. As we waited in line, slowly making our way up the dozens of flights of spiraling stairs, the anxiety started to kick in. Bianca was afraid of highs. Had it been an elevator to take us straight there to hurry up and get it over with, she may have been able to make it. Yet, halfway up she began hyperventilating and having a panic attack. "I'll just wait for ya'll at the bottom, I can't do it" she said. "Chicken..." I whispered with a smirk.

I was up first. I sat down in the cold water and thought "this isn't so bad". I tried to lean over to get a glimpse of how far up we were and nearly toppled over. "Lie down flat with your head against the side and arms crossed. DO NOT LIFT YOUR HEAD OFF THE SLIDE!" the attendant barked at me.

One... two... three! I flew down the slide at a ridiculous speed! I thought I was going to puke, "don't throw up, don't throw up" I constantly repeated in my head. Then I felt a big POP sensation in my swim panties. "This slide isn't as wet as I expected it to be" I thought to myself as I winched in pain from the burning sensation going from my butt crack and up my back. As quickly as it started, it was over. I slid into the bottom of the slide with a big stupid grin, that quickly turned into a look of confusion as I saw Bianca's red face yelling for me to get up.

"What girl?! What's wrong?" I asked confuzzled.

"Look!" she said as she motioned with her eyes to the water at the bottom of the slide.

I was mortified! My pad had EXPLODED on the slide, for EVERYONE to see, and shreds of cotton and plastic liner was just merrily floating around as another rider was sliding down right into it!

"F**K! RUN!" I screamed as I grabbed her and we raced outside the fence. Ki-ki found us shortly thereafter. "Guys... I think something's wrong with my tampon" she mumbled nervously. We ran to the restroom before anyone could point me out as the exploding pad girl. Once we got there we realized that Ki-ki's tampon had got lost inside her, and we had to call for my Aunt to come fish it out *smh in shame*… it took a good 10-15 minutes, "I didn't sign up for this sh*t" my aunt kept repeating as she had to dig deeper and deeper to find the string.

Needless to say, we learned two things that day... one, don't get in the water on your period, and two... DON'T GET IN THE EFFING WATER ON YOUR PERIOD! My aunt still won't let us live that day down, but who can blame her.