The Riddle

Growing up, I saw my dad as an adventurer, and I was the little girl waiting for his safe return home everyday to tell me all about his journey!

I was impatiently waiting at the kitchen table, drowning in my eager, seven-year-old stubbornness as the seconds barely passed. Everyday, I’d tick with excitement, waiting and ready to give him the tightest hug I could possibly manage with my bare hands. I was ready to hear about it all: What happened at work? You did what? Whether it be winning at a game of table tennis or managing to fix the latest broken endoscope, my father was ready to spill the details of it all. Seeing the smile on his face as his eyes lit up at the sight of me was like winning the lottery, being gifted the most loving father in the world. I missed his big laugh, those kind eyes and the hefty arms that graciously wrapped around me every evening.

One evening, my father came home with a gift. When I ran to give him a hug, I realized his hands were blatantly empty. Humoured by my stubborn eagerness, he gently patted my head. “I have a riddle for you.”

Guess how fast my excitement died down? Thank God I was born as curious as I was stubborn.

He told me that his co-workers spent hours arguing over the answer until he came along. He said that his answer shut them up pretty quickly, so what was his incredible answer?

“What was the riddle, Appa?”

“Can you answer it for me?”

“I’ll try.”

“If your mother and your wife were stuck in a sinking boat only capable of carrying one person, who would you let go to save the other?”

He gave me a few moments to think of my answer. I didn’t have a wife, but my father did. So, in my dad’s position, I easily answered: “Your mother, Appama.”

My father laughed boastfully at my response. He was always humoured by how confident I could be with my silly answers.

“What’s the right answer, Appa?” I whined, flushing with embarassment.

“My children’s mother. I wouldn’t save my mother, I would save my children’s mother”.

It took me a few moments to understand what this meant. Not his mother, but my mother.

“Why would you kill your own mother like that?” I asked him. Truthfully, I was a bold and curious kid, and this was something I could barely fathom.

“Because I love my children, and they need their mother”, he laughed softly and placed his hand gently on my head.

The recognition buzzed through me when I finally understood his answer. I looked up at my father as if he were the smartest person alive! It appeared as if there was no better answer. I asked him, “Why was everyone fighting over the answer to the riddle? You answered so quickly!”.

He told me that people thought about it too hard. They thought more about their personal loss rather than the loss of others, even the people they loved. It was a silly way to think, he said. But once you took yourself out of your shoes, you were gifted with a new pair of eyes, ones that could see what the right answer was.

My father approached life with this pair of eyes, and all I wanted was to approach life in the same way. Every day was a journey of discovery for him; everyday brought on new things, better ideas. Each day offered a full set of tools to help take on life. Looking back on his life, that stellar pair of eyes forced him to act on love instead of personal gain. This is what he spent the majority of his life doing.

Truth be told, my father spent the majority of his last few years taking care of me. Not just physically but mentally as well. He was a guide, and every journey he shared with me was meant to be a lesson. I never realized it as a kid, but this explorer had a hidden purpose and it was raising me. At the end of the day, he’d come home to be a dad, be my father.

Maybe that’s the greatest story a father has to tell. Today, I wonder how he managed to raise me with so much love. I wonder how he came to be so selfless in every given situation. Part of me believes that's what it takes to be a good parent.

Hearing my father’s words made me feel like I came from someone great. Spending a lifetime feeling broken, his words made me feel like I came fixed. He was living proof that nobody ever broke me, that I was fixed and had always been fixed. Doubting that is what broke me.

So, if I were asked the question: In a sinking ship, with the strength to only bear one person, who would you choose to save? Your husband or your father?

You can see the hesitation I’m faced with. Every decision I face without him leaves me in hesitation. As I go through life, I’m riddled by questions and dilemmas that never seem to have a clear answer. If I could, I’d let my father answer them for me.

But this riddle stays with me, reminding me that life is full of questions that we could spend hours arguing over. Life is saturated with riddles that stump even the brightest of minds. They only get trickier and harder to answer as life goes on. But the answers are often found in places we can’t see until we change our perspective. My dad taught me that we can’t even correctly answer these riddles without learning to prioritise what we love, what truly makes us happy.

Although he’s not here to see it, my father still explores the world. He lives in every decision I make, with every step I take, he’s exploring the world with me. I’ll always be backed by the guidance he bestowed upon me. After all, he was a jukebox for words of wisdom. At the very least, my journey begins by remembering his. With the stories he’s shared and the lessons I’ve learned, I know that the answer is always right around the corner. I just need the right pair of eyes to see it.