The Key Ingredient for Self-Love

I’ve always found myself to be very close with the spiritual realm. I was blessed with the gift of intution. I am very empathic, so I can feel what other’s feel quite easily. I also have these dreams occasionally, where I’ll get hidden messages from my spirit guides. Sometimes these dreams foreshadow events that will happen, in one way or another. I try to write down my dreams as often as I can. That way I can reflect on them later and try to figure out what they mean.

My dreams feel as though they are lifetimes long. I call “dream me” Kellie 2.0, because she is a separate person than me. She has an entire life separate than mine. She has different childhood memories, different friends, different careers, a different lifestyle in general. Watching her life through my eyes is one of the best parts of falling asleep at night. I’m not saying it happens every night, but it happens often enough.

Don’t get me wrong, though I think of her as her own person, she’s also a part of who I am. She has my fears, my feelings, my personality, my passions, etc. When I dream of her, I know there’s going to be some hidden message from my spirit guides. Those are the dreams I remember the most when I wake up. I try to write them down before I forget them. (Sometimes I’m not fast enough.)

With that being said, If you feel you needed to hear this message, then it’s most likely for you. I had a dream last night that reminded me of a Tiktok I saw a couple of weeks ago. I knew it was a message I needed to get across. It was something I needed to hear; so maybe you need to hear it to.

In this dream, I was Kellie 2.0. I was in her world, looking through her eyes. I was in a house that belonged to her. I can’t remember how it looked or how it appeared, but I remember walking down this long narrow hallway. I seemed to have a lot on my mind and for some reason I was thinking about my nana. My nana died when I was 9 years old; she died of breast cancer. From the time I was born, to the day she died, we were extremely close. It’s been 20 years since her death, and I still think about her every single day and I miss her so much.

As I walked down this hallway, there was this large sliding door that was opened just a crack. I got to the door, and I pulled it all the way open. It was a door to the living room, and my nana was sitting on the couch. I remember bursting into tears as I ran to her. She stood up to hug me. It felt familiar and warm, and I felt so comfortable being embraced by her again. I told her how much I missed her. She took my face in her hands and looked at me for a moment before saying, “Do you trust yourself?” I was confused and before I could ask her what she meant; I woke up.

As I wrote that down, upon waking up, I thought of that Tiktok I saw a couple of weeks ago. The message was something like, “If you are constantly breaking promises to yourself, you break trust with yourself. If you keep the promises you make with yourself, you will build a trusting and loving relationship with yourself. If you continue to build that relationship, you will fall in love with yourself.”

Hearing that made my brain explode. I am constantly breaking promises to myself. Every night before bed, I tell myself that I’m going to wake up early, go for a walk and enjoy the nice weather. I’m going to grab a salad for lunch and make something healthy for dinner. I’m going to complete all these chores and feel good about myself and my choices by the end of the night.

Hearing that made my brain explode. I am constantly breaking promises to myself. Every night before bed, I tell myself that I’m going to wake up early, go for a walk and enjoy the nice weather. I’m going to grab a salad for lunch and make something healthy for dinner. I’m going to complete all these chores and feel good about myself and my choices by the end of the night

VS. WHAT I ACTUALLY END UP DOING.

Sleeping in till noon, eating at McDonald’s for lunch, Taco Bell at dinner. (Though, my logic is usually, “At least Taco Bell has lettuce on their tacos. So, it’s kind of healthy.”) I literally get nothing done throughout my day, and I feel worse about myself by the time I go to bed. That’s usually when I make those promises to myself to “not feel like that the next day.” It’s an endless pattern.

Those are promises I make to myself and then break every day. That’s the trust I end up losing; therefore, it’s difficult to build that relationship with myself. Like any relationship, trust is the key ingredient; if you don’t have trust, then what do you have?