The Girl I Should Have Been Dating

Back when I was a teenager, there was this one girl I knew since middle school. Although at the time I didn't really think too much of it. We were acquaintances at happened to go to a few of the same classes at the time. And after awhile we had a basic type of friendship that just came about naturally. But during the high school years there were a few other girls who wanted to hang with me because they thought of me as a looker. And yet I turned them down. Because I didn't have a car to drive or something like that back then. But the main reason was because I had too much pride and didn't think I was good enough. Fairly understandable when it comes to teenagers with a sense of peer pressure. And the fact that I didn't have enough money in my pockets to take any girl out on a date didn't help. But in all my time in high school. I should have made more efforts in being more social with girls. Like attending school games or dances. But once again, having too much personal pride was an issue. Which would affect my life in the years to come.

It was during my senior year in high school I decided to attend prom. But I didn't have a girl to ask out for that night. So I went with a small group of other high school kids who didn't have dates either. And I also had 2 prom pictures taken total that night. One with the dateless group I went with. And the other with the girl I knew since middle school. Because I promised her I would join her in it. Even though there were a few others who went to prom alone. And I even danced with that same girl for a brief bit. Even though she would have been more than willing to be my date to the prom if I had asked. She wouldn't have cared if I had cash to burn or stuck with having my mother as a chaperone. Because she was that nice a person. Not to mention that she was hot and sexy enough to make even a swimsuit model jealous. Truly a rare bird. But I stupidly allowed my misplaced sense of pride to get in the way. When I think back on that night, I should have seriously considered attending the prom afterparty. But when prom ended, I just went on home and gone to bed. It might have been a lot better if I had an actual date that night. But I still had a good time none the less.

There was a brief time I thought about asking that girl I could have dated out. She was, and still is, on my Facebook list. But for some reason I never worked up the courage. Because she moved far away to another state. She's happily married and has a kid. I make it a point not to dwell on things that should have been, but never happened. Still, every once in a while I have moments on what I should have done differently. Maybe if I had just let go of my misplaced pride much sooner. I would have gone out with this girl. Especially when I was spending a fair number of years going though a tough time. And I couldn't exactly offer anything fancy in terms of dates. But they didn't have to be. It could've been something like a cup of coffee, a nearby local eatery, a movie theater, or even a picnic at a public park. Maybe we could have had some kind of romantic relationship. Or maybe decide to stay friends after 2 or 6 months of dating. Assuming if things were working out or not. No point in worrying about what-ifs now. Even so, having a girlfriend like her short term would have helped improve a few other areas in my life for the long run. Maybe I would have stayed or gone back to college. Or look for a job that was worth doing. Regardless of how much money I would earn.

I've held on to so much misplaced pride over the years that I missed out on so many opportunities. And not just with dating. I still have other family and friends I could turn to for support. But I didn't because I thought they'd see me as a useless bum who'd hold them back. And so I kept my distance. I still struggle with a certain amount of misplaced pride. And I'm still working on how to keep moving forward in my life. From finding a better job for myself. To meeting and forming a relationship with a woman. Because I have better things to do than stress over the girl that got away. Especially when nothing happened between us in the first place. I've grown tired of missing out on opportunities worth taking. Nothing else I can do but improve myself while I wait for a worth while opportunity. But I'll also need to work on creating those opportunities myself. And take more chances at things if it means leading to a better quality of life.