Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

My baby almost died. I hadn't smoked cigarettes, drank or taken any drugs during my pregnancy. Nothing. His daddy was a daily pot smoker. I never was but I had smoked probably more than my share in my teens and early years of adult life.

About one month after our son was born I decided it couldn't hurt anything to smoke a joint. I still relive that time even though our son is now 44 years old. I said to my husband at the time, "What is one joint going to hurt?" He agreed with me as most of our friends and family would have at the time.

Our baby stopped breathing and there we are passing him back and forth and we are moving out the back door when a neighbor notices us and hollers to ask what was wrong. It was enough for me to holler, "Call an ambulance!" And then for her to holler back, "Run him to the hospital."

We lived one block from the hospital. I started to run and when I got to the hospital he was breathing. When he went in with the doctor he stopped breathing again. They immediately transferred us downtown to the medical center, where he was tested, poked and prodded almost all of the night.

It was so scary as I was alone. My husband was at home with our daughter. My mother and siblings lived about 4 hours away, as did my best friends.

At one point they came in the room to ask for permission to do a spinal tap, that they had to tell me could kill him, after saying that he could die from what they were testing him for, so there really was no choice.

I did the prayer I knew at the time. Some people called it foxhole prayer. Begging God to save my baby. Take me. Save him, I will do anything. I will do whatever you want of me. I will not ever smoke pot again.

This small time in my life had the biggest impact of anytime before or since. I never did smoke pot ever again. I had quit smoking cigarettes when I found out I was pregnant as I was a heavy smoker. I never smoked cigarettes again.

About one month after we took our baby home with a diagnosis of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) we went to marriage counseling. I wasn't sleeping and my husband couldn't do anything right. I thought for sure our baby would die.

We went to a marriage therapist, where the counselor told us as long as there is a drug and alcohol problem in our relationship, it is like pounding your head against the wall you don't get anywhere.

I got a list for alanon and started going to meetings that week. My husband got a list of AA meetings and a name of an assessor. He went to treatment. He did not go to AA.

I have been in recovery since September 24, 1978. On September 26, 1980, I stopped drinking and taking amphetamines. I am a woman in long term recovery and that means that I do not drink alcohol or take drugs.

That small moment in my life had a huge impact on my life. I have no regrets about the way things went. I am so grateful that my baby has had a chance to live his life. He now has a three-year-old daughter. She is a blessing too.

I have thought about what could have happened without prayer! When I was three years in recovery, I figured out that what was happening in my life had everything to do with the fox-hole prayer when my son quit breathing! It was responsible for our son's living and for my recovery.