Stepping Out!

I am the quintessential klutz, always falling over and ending up in scrapes and near misses, which has my friends and family amazed with how I have managed to survive this long since, I make everyday life look so difficult.

A couple of years ago I was moving to a country town for work and I was nervous. A couple of days before I moved, I had lunch with one of my best-friends he knows me better than most. He knew I was nervous about the move, so he offered me some advice.

He said, "Cass, you just have to accept that; Yes, you will get lost. Yes, you will confuse people with 'Cas-English'. And... Yes, you are definitely, going to embarrass yourself. These are facts, just embrace them!"

Well he was right; I just didn’t expect for him to be so right. The most embarrassing thing that has ever happen to me, in my entire life happened while working in Grafton.

I was preparing equipment for another hospitals Go-Live. I was wearing a cute outfit; I had bought the weekend before. A little skirt black and white check skirt, it sat mid-thigh length with elastic waist, black top and my flattish ankle boots.

I squatted down in the skills lab, my skirt flared out around me, I rocked forward on the balls of my feet, as I started gathered everything together. I place all the items into the tub on the ground in preparation for Go-live in the morning. I put the last items into the tub and secure the lid in place.

I grip the handles of the tub on either side and stand, as I do, I feel my skirt slip down, well below my bum, showing the pink lace of knickers. I quickly drop the tub, grabbing the back of my skirt, trying to pull it back up. But the hem of my skirt was caught on the heel of my shoe. I start to hop around the room on one leg, looking as if I am doing some interpretive dance routine, my skirt getting lower by the second. I try desperately to free the hem.

I finally free the hem and put my skirt back into place. I quickly look around the room... empty. Looking up at the ceiling, closing my eyes I say a silent prey. I slowly open my eyes and look around the room taking in the surroundings, I was now standing in the middle of the room between both entry doors which were glass- not sure if anyone has just witnessed my accidental striptease. I quickly lock the cupboard back up, composing myself again, walking out of the room as if nothing had happened.

I collect my things without making eye contact with the team. I race to my car, calling Kristal to recap what had just happened to me.

"Wow Cass." She says between laughing, "That's probably the most embarrassing thing which has ever happened to you!"

"Yep. I know."

"How do these things happen to you?"

"I don't know. Just lucky I guess."

"Yes, you are." We say our goodbyes.

I go into Shopping World to get supplies for the rocky road I was making, that night.

I go down each aisle, going over the list in my head, Marshmallows check, Crunchie check, Chocolate check. I was forgetting raspberries. I go back down crowded lolly aisle. I find the raspberries on the lowest shelf.

I carefully squat on the ground mindful of all the people in the aisle. I place the basket next to me on the ground, my skirt flares out around me. I carefully rock forward on the balls of my feet, slowly reaching in, and retrieve four packets of Allen’s raspberries, ensure as I reach, I don’t flash anyone. I place the packets into the basket.

Quickly standing back up, I feel the instant pull of something coming down it takes a second to register what it was? It was my…SHIT, skirt! The heel of my shoe was caught in in the hem of my skirt, again but, this time when I stood up my skirt came all the way down to my ankles flashing my bright pink lace knickers to the entire lolly aisle of Grafton Coles. I shriek in horror dropping my basket to the ground with a loud thud causing everyone in the aisle to turn and look at me as. I frantically try to pull my skirt back up, everyone watches me as I bounce around on leg, re-enacting Kriss Kross’ 1992 hit Jump.

Now, I’m not a person who embarrass easily. But, when I spend the best part of a minute jumping around a packed supermarket aisle with what feels like half of Grafton as audience watching as I battle with my skirt as try and pull it back up into its rightful place from around my ankles, with my ass hanging out, while flashing my favourite pink lace knickers. Even I must admit that I’m embarrassed.

So, it is not surprising when I feel my face start to heat, and the heat move down my body, turning it fifty different shades of pink. My entire body matched the exact colour of underwear. I feel like Jennifer Hawkins’ in the Myer catwalk show, the one where she lost her skirt, except my bum doesn’t look anything like hers, and it isn’t insured for a million dollars and it won’t end up on the evening news, well at least I hope not.

I don’t look up, I was acutely aware that all the other customers in the aisle and others from aisles had also joined us now, to watch the show, they’re all looking on in amazement. I mean, not that I would blame them, I probably would do the same thing, if I saw a woman hopping around on one leg, frantically trying to pull up her skirt while her ass hung out for all of the world to see, I probably would look at her in shock and awe too. A crowd starts to gather around me, I could hear people start to whisper, an elderly woman gasps in horror behind me. I ignored them, taking a deep breath focusing while I struggle to free the heel of my shoe from the hem of my skirt.

After thirty seconds I manage to pull my skirt up, but only half-way. The hem is still caught on my heel. I quickly free it and put my skirt back in place. I compose myself, picking up my basket. Keeping my head down I walk as quickly as I can to the self-serve check out, avoiding eye contact with everyone around me.

I scan the items as fast I can, loading them into a bag. Keeping my head down I race out of Coles, virtually running to the car. I load my items into the car. Driving as fast as I can out of the car park, calling Kristal as I do, re-enacting everything that just happened to me.

She waits a minute before laughing so hard she snorts. "No Cass... I take it back. That is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you!!!"