Spinning My Wheels

I work 10, sometimes many more hours daily on trying to get my business going. I literally work at least 60 hours a week on trying to get ahead.

Yeah, this is a bit of a whine, and a bit of a rant.

So what.

I'm exhausted.

I'm exhausted nearly constantly. I never sleep. Honestly, I get maybe four hours a night.

I am trying so damn hard.

I've never worked this hard in my life.

I have no leisure, by choice. If I'm not doing junk journals and other artwork, to sell, I am writing on the side to try to make some extra passive income that way.

I do have a real job, but I have the choice whether to go in or not. I usually don't unless there's something they need help with. It's the family business.

I don't want to be rich; I don't want to be wealthy. I just want enough to buy a small amount of land so I can live off grid and just do my art and read my books.

It costs to live the simple life. Any kind of homesteading is not cheap. You have to figure out how you are going to get water, sewage, electricity if you want it, wood or other forms of fuel if you don't.

It's a lot more complicated that it seems.

I want to have a large garden, some quail for eggs as my protien. I'm learning how to garden in my sandy, horrible soil in my tiney yard. But I'm learning how to do it, I'm learning skills I will need if I ever get my land.

I'd prefer to saty in Oregon, they have the laxest requirements for homesteading, it's not easy here but easier than other places. And we have free water. You can collect rain, as much as the roof of your residence will drain into a barrel or cistern.

You can have composting toilets and outhouses here. Most other places require plumbing.

I don't know if I will have electricity, but I doubt it.

I really hate out society, and I want to be as far away from it as possible. I am collecting books of all types, on skills and just plain reading material for when I don't have the Internet.

I'm buying hand tools, gardening tools, cooking tools that don't require electricity or gas to run. I don't want to be dependent on anyone if I don't have to be.

I wasn't even able to put anything into savings this month, and I lost 3 dollars for the service fee. It's just 3 bucks, but it really made me feel like I can never get ahead, and I'm always falling behind.

I want my land. I want my dogs, and more rescue dogs, as many as I can reasonably care for.

Quail, a garden, a kiln I build with my own hands.

A large art studio, with a large outdoor space for messy jobs.

I want to live as free and as naturally as possible.

This world is Clown World. It's a freaking joke. It gets worse every day.

I need the solace of my solitude. If my family wants to join me, then all the better. If not, they can visit whenever they want.

I Just. Want. Out. Of. Here.

I don't want to live in a box. A literal box. I will build my house out of cob with my own hands. With curves and an organic feel. With niches and built in benches, fireplaces and alcoves.

But I keep spinning my wheels, and I don't know if I will ever get there.