Sitting In Limbo

If I wanted to make these easy I could write a poem, but the words won't come, I am feeling very down and that I should not even be writing and sharing my thoughts.

It doesn't matter that no one will read this, but once it is published it will be digitally immortalised. I know I can write and put down my thoughts on this electronic sheet of paper to live in the cloud forever.

I suppose this is a confession to just say that I have very down days when I can't talk to anyone. People see me as always there, always helpful, always knowledgeable, and always friendly but sometimes it is a facade. Today that is what it is.

I should be over the moon, publishing my latest anthology but I can't be bothered to do it, it is still a bit of technical stuff to do but I am putting these words down because it is easier.

By the time I have done this confessional, I hope I will feel better, but I will not share this on Facebook, Threads or BlueSky so I don't expect any reads.

I really detest feeling this way, I feel that I am floating in a dark place with nowhere to go and no future, and my past is left in burning tatters. I know that is not true, and I know that I have to pull myself out of this because I have to be there for others who may need a word or two of encouragement from me,

Although I feel I am sinking, I will not let myself sink. Tomorrow I will plan my day and I will publish my anthology, maybe leaving it a day will make things a little more perfect.

At the moment I feel I am sitting in Limbo, in darkness, with no sign of light. No sound, just nothing.

I want to be positive and to look forward to doing things, to create things that others can delight in.

I know that will come, and writing this is a step towards that, but I feel imposter syndrome is hitting me very badly today. I feel that I cannot write anything worth reading, and I certainly can't write poetry, I have not written any for a week, and I keep seeing things that I should be inspired by, but I walk away from them.

I am listening to some old reggae, hence the title of this piece taken from the Jimmy Cliff song.

Maybe I am frightened of publishing my anthology because I have to do three books, an eBook, a paperback and a hardback. I have done it before and I know I will do it again, I know that for certain.

I am sorry for all these dark ramblings, don't worry about me, I will get through it, but I know people who would have incredible difficulty dealing with these feelings.

There is always Andy's Man Club, but I really don't know where I would start talking to someone else about this feeling, but I think just writing it down will help me a lot, and maybe help anyone else who feels the same way.

Today I have felt like shutting my Facebook account and scrapping my Vocal account and work, but I know that would be like burning th eMona Lisa.

So I am going to see this out and tomorrow I will share my new anthology and feel a lot better.

This has done me a lot of good, it really has.

If you are one of the few who has read this, I know you are a true friend, so thank you very much.