Priorities

It was recently brought to my attention that a family member no longer feels like they're a priority in my life. How do you navigate through a comment like that? How do you tell them nicely without hurting their feelings that they're not a priority?

First, I had to think about when this change in my priorities happened. What was going on in my life at the time that they shifted? Well, it was simple to me. My Mom had left the year it happened and then my Dad found a new woman and moved in with her. I was forced out on my own at the young age of 21 with my boyfriend at the time. That's when my priorities shifted. The moment I had to learn to survive on my own and live for myself and provide for myself, that's when that happened. I was forced out before I was mentally or financially ready to be on my own. My instincts of survival had kicked in.

I grew up in a toxic living environment and it took me years to realize that. I had to remember that this family member has had long standing insecurities towards our relationship. I also had to remember that they dropped me as a priority. As you get older, your priorities are going to change and that's okay! Your growing older which means your priorities are supposed to change. You are supposed to learn your own way and go on your own path in life. Their priorities changed and things we enjoyed doing together suddenly added a 3rd person to the mix and that was hard for me. We didn't have much in common, but all of a sudden, it wasn't just me and them, it was me, them and this other person. The bonding style changed.

Our priorities can change because: you enjoy doing new things, your outlook on life has changed, you want to achieve new things, you no longer have enough energy to exercise or work as hard as you used to, you want to live a healthier lifestyle, you want to avoid stress. There are others, but these are a view that come to mind and that is okay. These are normal everyday things that help us evolve into who we are meant to be, and we are never meant to be the same person we were yesterday.

One reason why my priorities changed with this person is because their company and being involved with them caused me a lot more stress. You see, this person actually contributed a lot to my negative self-esteem and my mental health, but they see no fault in their actions. If I attempt to bring these things to surface, they gaslight and go on a self-pity trip which puts me into a loop. It makes me feel guilty for feeling what I'm feeling but it reminds me why I no longer have them as a priority.

You should never feel guilty for moving on in life. For growing and establishing new boundaries, new priorities and things that bring enjoyment to your life. If that means certain people can no longer be an active person in your life, that's what it means.

I am mostly a private person and I don't like hurting peoples feelings. Even expressing how I feel to them in person can be a little daunting. My favourite way of communication is by messaging. I don't like visiting people and I don't like complimenting people to their face nor do I like have in person confrontation. This is a way of protecting your peace, it's a priority shift and it's a boundary. Do not feel guilty for adding boundaries, changing priorities and protecting your peace.