Please

"Some things hurt, some things heal but you'll never know what it's like to be killed." The words this older men spoke with tears flowing from his face. He looked back on his life successful but full of solitude. He sat in his room pondering the rain through the clear glass window.

He loved how grey the sky got how neutral it was the feeling of emptiness followed by the heaviness of the rain. He reminisced about all his crushes in the past, the best thing he had was one night of passion. He yearned for that but felt it was too late. Naturally he thought it would come "Please just give it time don't rush it!" "Please make more of a effort in appearance." "Please have more confidence." "Please improve yourself." these indifferent words rang in his brain as his tears drenched his face. He had yearned for children, he didn't believe in "making them better". What the middle age man wanted was to show his children affection unlike his cold hearted father.

He kept feeling it was wrong to give a loving hug and kiss on the forehead to his sons and daughters but that's all he ever dreamed. His father never showed a ounce of affection other then to get approval from his friends and family. The embodiment of father was expectations and sternness this is what was instilled in him. Then he thought of his mother who would always call him everyday the only ounce of affection he had as he was starved by the rest of the world. All the parties he went to the young nights of drinking and the concerts, all this felt like a painting with no color just black and white. He who stood in it all felt the rain splashing on him soaking his clothes, it was a way to cope with this feeling a feeling similar to death in his mind.

He left the house rain pouring down he felt a sense of cleanliness and purity washing away his touch starvation. Solitude is not too far from being a corpse to exist without taking chances is as if your bed was a coffin and walking was your soul as a ghost. He wondered once his mother past will he have anything left what will happen to him to his mind. Is this how some evil people are born inside his mind he thought . He wondered if he were more bold and aggressive how would things turn out. Even with his riches he was invisible to women as he talked to them like he read off a script he flashed his jewelry and achievements to the mistresses and ladies. All their minds simply blanking at the exposure of his wealth they would just brush off his lack luster seduction tactics.

Maybe if he knew the true arts of seduction he might just have a chance at changing his life of solitude and blooming a family they would spread the affection and empathy to the hearts of new people. He wanted the rain to warp his life into a painting of color splashing the black in white into those grey clouds as some form of color. Every day getting older he felt more heavy more drawn to sleeping all day. The pain of not being bold and learning to flirt took a toll on his mental nothing more than bottle that's empty needing to be refilled.

He battled his mind as the thunder sparked the sky. He would only try to appease the most breath taking sirens and lust filled women. His tastes were shallow apart of him knew he still needed this pain. He always wanted the most beautiful women to make his child beautiful. The thought donned on him he wanted his loved ones to perfectly illuminate his life of grey.

He looked off into the distance and started to smile. He laughed and sighed thinking maybe it's not so bad to have the solitude. He learned how to be one with himself he got to live with the thought. The thought that he never let his sorrow ruin his wealth the rainbow that signified his golden trail. He at least said with all the joy in his heart he built all of it by himself.