No one else

He was/is the kind of guy that anyone wanted/wants to hear.

He doesn’t normally do small talk, even though I’m such an everything talker with him.

I just want to listen to him all day long.

I still remember his friends asking him what he thought about things and I’d look over and he’d answer briefly or nod.

Sometimes he’s cross his arms or he’d do one of his little smirks that I absolutely love.

With me, he’d make the cutest face thinking about what to say.

I loved it when I got a little smirk too.

He’s so handsome and funny and charming and always so smart.

I remember when his friends would complain that he was serious, meanwhile, I was always taken by him.

In particular today I caught myself thinking about him.. There was a memory that came up today.

I don’t remember what led to this conversation.

I was with him and his friends and the topic was marriage and taking about marrying young and all that.

I filtered out what everyone else said.

All I know was I looked at him when he said, he’d marry/look for a wife like I’m his late 20s or early 30s and meanwhile I thought "is he nuts?"

Now I can laugh, because he was right.

I’m the one who was nuts.

All I knew was that I wanted to marry by the age my mom did.

… I definitely got my wish..

Regret has been something I’ve felt for a long time.

To be fair, I imagined being with him.

I imagined he’d be in the Air Force as he always talked about and I wanted to do nursing and provide care at where I prayed was the same location as him.

I always felt something different about him.

Maybe I mentioned this topic once or twice to catch his reaction.

I’m glad neither one of us went now.

I mean, how would we ever spend time together?

We would never get to, and what if either one of us went to a whole different country?

I’d never see him again.

I remember talking to my mom and she told me about a nightmare she had.

That we were engaged and he was in the Air Force, but that we got notice that he died.

She said I cried a lot in her nightmare and she didn’t know what to say, she said she just held me.

I ended up crying a lot in person too.

I remember listening to "Just a dream" by Carrie Underwood on repeat and all I could do was sob.

For so many reasons.

There’s just too much I’d rather not relive if anyway possible.

Reasons I just wish not to talk about anymore if I can avoid it.

I even told her that I guess it was better for him he didn’t stay with me after all.

As if it were my fault something happened and he had died in her nightmare.

I cried for days replaying and just a tightness in my chest.

He’s always been my forever.

At least in my heart he’s always meant so much to me.

My knight in shining armor.

It’s just been so hard, dark and painful without him.

We prayed for him that day.

We prayed for his health, school, and further endeavors.

Can you imagine praying for someone so much, feeling so emotional, because you just miss them so much?

Watching them go about their life and just being able to stand in the sidelines?

Feeling so empty without them?

I never stopped praying for him.

I just wanted him to be happy.

Right now I’m crying and processing everything and it’s just so insane to me.

In a few months I’m going to be with him again.

Like, this is really happening.

The other part is that, he found his home with me. I make him happy.

I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am.

I never want to take him for granted.

I appreciate him so much.

All of his love, care, efforts, and attention.

I just don’t know how nor where I’d be if he never talked to me again. If he hadn’t agreed to meet with me.

I’ll never forget that.

Everything with him has always meant so much to me.

He’s just always had something about him.

Forever with him is my dream.

I miss him so much.

I can’t wait to stop saying that so often.

I just didn’t want to miss him all the time.

He’s my blessing.

Meu amor.

Minha vida.

Meu desejo.

Meu herói.

Amor da minha vida.

There’s no one else.

There’s just never been anyone else.

Not in my heart.

He’s my home.