Because I’m A Girl

He responds selectively.

On purpose?

Drives me so crazy sometimes.

Is he teasing me differently?

He’s got a way of making me want him, all of him like crazy.

I can literally get at the edge of my seat, waiting to see if he responds or teases me.

I miss that feeling so much. His teasing.

It’s always unexpected when he will post something and I love it when he posts about Pooh and Piglet. I feel like he’s going to post that every week or month, maybe? I love it, he’s so funny.

If it were everyday, you best believe I’d definitely be on cloud nine. I love seeing his name, especially in bold.

Oh man, my bestie is going to kill me. We were going to go shopping for bathing suits and I kind of did without her. Wondering if at this point I should just start collecting, making a wardrobe. I may need it more anyway.

I was so sad a few weeks ago.

I went into Victoria’s Secret and per usual in love with like almost everything there. Especially now with so much floral pieces and clothes. I went through to the bathing suits, because they only recently started to sell them again. Their type is the best quality in my opinion. When they stopped I freaked out big time and honestly stopped caring all together. It was awful. Well there was mental and emotional abuse mixed in too. As to why I lost myself completely. But, whatever, it’s back!

Anyway, I saw the most perfect white bikini with these almost lace type flowery/floral/whatever designs on it which reminded me of bikinis I used to see in Brazil.

When I was a little girl, I lived in Texas and there was a small Brazilian type convention and each table had something different.

One of the ladies was selling bikinis for both women and girls and I fell in love with this blue, almost turquoise color with these vivid flower patterns on it and I kid you not, after wearing about 3 or 4 times, having "friends" over somehow magically disappeared. I never saw it again.

Ever since then it’s like, there was never the same feeling until I saw this white one. It wasn’t and technically isn’t on my "priority" list, however, there was only one at the time and not being able to take it broke my heart.

I felt tugs in my heart about a week later and went online to the website and after going through however many pages of questionable designs, I FOUND IT! I found it for a better price too which was insane to me. So thankful.

I bought two different styles depending on the occasion and honestly have absolutely no clue when I’m going to wear them.

Still debating.

Again, not really priority, but, I have absolutely no regrets.

It came in today, the same day he posted Pooh and Piglet.

I am higher than cloud nine.

I wish he’d just reply to me, sometimes I feel like he knows it drives me crazy. Like he wants me to be so crazy about him.

Like he is creating some kind of thirst or something, such a troublemaker.

I believe he loves me so much, the way I imagine or maybe even desire, and I fantasize that he’s planning something special or several special occasions for us.

Not all at once, but like just mentally maybe?

Again, I’m higher than cloud nine today.

In my heart, to me, he’s so amazing. He’s so handsome. He’s so strong and wise and funny, brave, disciplined and just anything and everything I’ve always wanted.

He’s my hero.

Amor da minha vida.

I’m so thankful for him, and I’m so drunk on him.

I found myself with him. I found my shelter from the wind. I found out I need it all with him. Playing with his song lyrics, oh my gosh, I really love him.

I may or may not need any wine at all honestly. He’s in so much trouble. I still haven’t figured out how to update him. What if I call and he isn’t available? What if I message him, and he’s again, not available?

I’m so anxious to be with him. To be his. In my daydreams, he’s going to be thrilled and he won’t want to waste time to see me. In my daydreams I’m going to dress up for him and I even think about meeting back where we did. To replace any and every sad memory and add to the positive ones which to me…. Seeing him so into me was beyond me. His eyes, thumping leg(s), smile and the way he came so close. Almost felt like he was saying “it’s you” or like he found what he was looking for. I can’t describe it any more than that. His daring yet loving stare at first was a little intimidating until it hit me. The man of my dreams. My Prince Charming. My everything. The reason for the tugs in my heart.

I just pray he’s available that day. I really didn’t want to wait any longer than I already have to.

I want to be his, forever. Looking into his "wishful" eyes forever…. Kissing him for as long as he lets me, forever… Maybe even hiding in his closet where I imagine all of his jerseys are and other T-shirt’s he’s got like the ones we got for him at Bealls. I remember. The Guy Harvey shirts he used to wear. I miss all of him. His voice, quirks, his scent, just all of him really.

Didn’t I say he’s got me on all kinds of baby fevers? It’s insane. I love thinking about how an amazing dad I think he’d be and he’s just so manly. His kind is so rare.

I can’t imagine how much of fairytale to wake up to him. Will that ever happen, seriously? Cuddling together? Talking about anything and nothing at all at the same time?

Being together at important gatherings and I just pray he doesn’t leave me alone. I pray he protects me the way imagine. In my eyes, I see he cares so much about me.

I’m so caught in daydreams. So many daydreams and desires and wishes.

Hashem help me.

I feel the time is getting closer each passing day.

Is the wine to bring my anxiety down? I’m pretty his kisses will do a better job, who knows?

I pray to find out.