No One Asked

I've had the busiest October of my life. I feel I haven't been able to stop and enjoy the season, but that's okay because it will be back next year.

I've been reading more, which feels really good. I'm currently on a 45 day streak, and I intend to fully complete all of the end-of-the-year Kindle challenges thrown my way.

I'm enjoying my shed. It feels really nice to have a space that's all mine. I'm writing in it right now. I did a lot of work on it this weekend, and I'm now beginning home improvement projects on the rest of my home.

I've been promoted at my job a second time. I'm now a lead. This is more responsibility than I've ever had in my life, but it feels good that my hard work is being appreciated. Surprisingly, I'm good at being a leader. It's not something I've ever anticipated, but I enjoy helping others immensely and making sure things go smoothly for the whole team. It's affording me the opportunity to work overtime, and I'm looking forward to spoiling my child at Christmas, something I've never been able to do before.

Those are the highs, but of course, they come with lows.

I'm having trouble keeping up with work outside of work. Like the house stuff. I did have guests over all month, and my home looks like it's been hit by a tornado. I have a lot of organizing to do and no energy to do it. I'm trying to take it bit by bit, but unfortunately, my brain works in an all-or-nothing way, so it's a big stressor for me.

My kid is sick for the umpteenth time in 3 months since school started. This house has gone through Norovirus, the common cold, the flu, RSV, and now, scarlet fever. Yes, you heard that right. Scarlet fever. He's a sickly Victorian boy (he's okay and on the mend).

I have not been writing, like, at all. The work I've posted on Vocal this month is, quite literally, all I have written this month. I have trouble with balancing. As mentioned, all or nothing mentality. The only times I've written is when I've felt inspired to do so. I've been thinking a lot. Ruminating. Coming up with ideas. But I have hardly been inspired to write them down, save a few instances.

I did not edit my novel in the month of October, therefore, NaNoWriMo will be dedicated to revising it. I'm going to rewrite it from the beginning (for the third time), as I find it helpful to retype everything as I make my changes. I do feel as though I'm cheating NaNoWriMo, but the challenge that the month brings will give me the motivation I need to just get it done.

I have however, organized all my beta readers' comments in a spreadsheet, so I know what to fix and where. I am looking forward to the changes I make. And I'm excited for the book it is becoming. For those who read it, the ending is changing, and oh, I think you will like it so much more.

I have a problem brewing, but I'm trying to avoid it... To self-publish or to go the traditional route I always thought I would. Pros with traditional publishing range from the feeling of "legitimacy"* to a guaranteed payout. Cons range from never being picked up to waiting potentially years for my work to be available to the general public.

*(I know, it's elitist, I don't feel trad books are any more legitimate than self-published ones, but much of the world does, and I have problems with my ego)

The pros of self-publishing include the fact that I own my work in full and I see every dollar I make for the work I have done. The cons include not being able to properly market it and paying out of pocket for developmental editing and a cover design.

There is a lot to think about. I'm very proud of this project, but I want it to do well. I feel it can do well. I want to make the right decision, and I'm still unsure about what that is.

I am also afraid. I'm afraid to finish it. That means I will have to think about starting another book. Doing this whole process from the beginning. Finding the time to do it. Finding a good enough idea. Having something in the background is comforting. I can say I'm working on something even if I hardly work on it. Having nothing is anxiety-inducing.

I will try to update my progress on NaNoWriMo weekly through the month of November, but no promises. Good luck to everyone participating. I'm sorry I haven't been active. I do miss the community on here. Once I get myself together, I'm hoping to return and find a rhythm again. For now, I work on myself and try to find peace in the things I can control.