Namaste paradox

A minute too late in the most literal sense. This was a story I tried to submit for the “create your happiness” challenge. My life has been turned every which way just in the last 3 months. Recently, I lost my grandmother: other half of my souls genetic make up. Her loss is the most impactful lesson I've endured to date; and to be quite frank, I've endured hell in the most literal sense. I have allowed myself to be in abusive relationships in every aspect, to be put in positions where i have to make myself feel smaller just so others could feel bigger. This entry could stem from the norm, as it's going to be in letter format addressed to her. All she wanted was to understand.

Dear Atilla the Hunny,

I wish things were different right now, i wish you could still be here and i would tell you everything you want to know. I'm sorry i didn't tell you all of this while you were still physically here, but i can feel you and hear you spiritually. This spiritual journey is not one i actively decided to go on, and i know understand that that is exactly what has been keeping me stuck; not embracing who i truly am in fear of how people will respond. At this point, I have lost one of the most important people in my life, and that is you. I have been doing better until i know better, and now that I know better I am going to be better. My passion is giving people the spiritual energetic boost from their shadow. Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and can instantly feel like something is off within you? Everything and anything irritates you almost instantly, for no reason at all? This day begins to turn into two days, into three, into a month. You begin praying for an answer or a hint as to why you’re feeling this way. What I have come to realize since I have been on my spiritual journey is that, the moment you truly surrender to your shadow is when I come into someone's life. To show them the unconditional love they need to boost through the cloudiness that has taken over their vision. The love I have is rooted so deeply into the earth that it helps bring you back to your true self. My passion is helping people in anyway i possibly can, whether it is through reading their tarot cards, interpreting their birth charts, explaining their numerology numbers, etc. The need to help someone heal or awaken is one that runs so strongly I would almost say it is a literal burning passion, because that is exactly what it is. Being able to help someone feel seen is the most rewarding thing I feel I could possibly do. As i'm typing this, the countdown for the deadline is getting closer and closer, and i'm procrastinating. That is because I feel like I can not take credit for what I have done; but i have a 4 year old son who needs me to provide. The path to my spiritual journey was not one that was paved so easily or graciously. The best way to describe it was with a rude awakening, but nonetheless an awakening. My life has been hard and while that does not take away from people who have had much harder, pain demands to be felt. The suppression of it leads to eruption of all things negative.